Welcome Listeners! This week I am going to speak about an important subject – Boundaries.
We all need them as every healthy relationship and interaction depends upon them. Setting and maintaining boundaries is an essential skill that many of us never actively learn. We tend to just muddle through until now.
So start by giving yourself the gift of undisturbed time to listen in on how to set up, maintain and reap the benefits of boundaries.
‘Your Boundaries Protect The Inner Core Of Your Identity And Your Right To Choices’ ~ Gerard Manley Hopkins
What are Personal Boundaries and Why are they so Important?
A personal boundary is whatever your limit is about how others treat you. What you will or won’t tolerate. They protect our sense of self-identity and stop us from being overwhelmed by the demands of others. They signal to others how we want to be treated, and prevent us from feeling used, being spread too thin, or in desperate need of defending ourselves.
They also empower us to stand in our own space without blaming or playing the victim. We get to take care of our own “stuff” and don’t wait for another person to solve all our problems.
‘Givers Need To Set Limits Because Takers Rarely Do’ ~ Rachel Wolchin
Good Fences Make Good Neighbours
A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect. When someone acts in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that’s a cue that they may be violating or crossing a boundary. While most people will respect your boundaries when you explain what they are and will expect that you will do the same for them; some people don’t understand where you end and they begin.
People who try to invade your space are not thinking about you or how pushing the limits of your boundaries will affect you. They feel entitled to get whatever they ask for because in their minds their needs are more important than yours. Our earliest experiences around trust can form the blueprint for how we interact later in life.
If we have had our trust violated in any way, then it can make it difficult for us to know when our boundaries are ignored, or we may not even know what our limits are.
We cannot change others. We are not responsible for what comes out of their mouth, the choices they make, or their reactions. The bottom line is that since you can’t change other people, change how you deal with them!
Let’s explore boundaries in more detail. I have bookmarked play points for you to listen to at your leisure:
- Why Having Boundaries Is A Win/Win For You (01:49)
- What Are Personal Boundaries? (03:35)
- How Boundaries Are Set In Childhood (09:13)
- Repercussions In Personal Relationships (11:24)
- Identify Your Limits (13:08)
- Examples of Healthy Boundaries (13:32)
- Signs That You Lack Personal Boundaries (15:43)
- How to Set Boundaries (17:14)
- Healthy Boundaries in Relationships (18:30)
- What do Healthy Personal Boundaries Feel Like? (20:59)
- Don’t Worry, Be Happy (23:18)
‘Daring To Set Boundaries Is About Having The Courage To Love Ourselves, Even When We Risk Disappointing Others’ ~ Brené Brown
You Are In Charge Of Your Choices
The better you know yourself, the better you can understand and choose to be around the people that best mirror the kind of life experience you want to have. Gently allow yourself to imagine how your life will be different when you learn to speak your truth. How will you change? How will your daily life become richer? How might you feel more authentic in your relationships? Keep your vision at the forefront of your mind as you make the decisions that are best for you, day by day.
Expect some push back when you first start exerting your boundaries but look upon it as resistance training that flexes the muscle of your boundary and makes it stronger! The more you practice, the better your results will be, so don’t get disheartened if your initial attempts don’t go the way you want.
Sometimes it takes time to establish your red lines. Still, once they are in place and everyone is on board, it is full steam ahead to a destination of enhanced self-confidence, personal integrity and self-respect that enables you to live your life feeling happier and more fulfilled.
What steps will you be taking towards embracing your power in your dealings with others today? Feel free to share your boundary setting stories, comments and tips below.
Until next time, remember that setting boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s self-love. You say “yes” to yourself each time you say “no.”. So go ahead, You are worth it!
Words of Wisdom – Quotes from this episode
If you don’t have boundaries in your relationships, then you will never have REAL relationships
Boundaries make you a winner
You are the CEO of YOU!
Boundaries communicate how you expect people to treat you
Boundaries will never change a toxic person or situation into something non-toxic
What people say and do is about them
Other people are entitled to their feelings as I am entitled to mine
The only people who have a problem with you having boundaries are those who benefit from their absence