Forgiveness and Letting Go
The most fabulous discovery I ever made was the fact that my story can inspire others who go through the same sad and dark experience I went through as a child.
This truth dawned on me at an event in San Diego, where I was invited to share my experience of the abuse I suffered as a child.
This humbling experience of sharing my painful but past story that day remained fresh in my mind.
I was moved by something beyond my power; something so intense that I was obliged to tell the audience not just the story of abuse but the story of my journey to recovery. It was indeed an event I gladly remembered.
Healing and Forgiveness are Long Processes
For many years, the burden of my past weighed heavily on me as I battled the shame, anger and, of course, self-blame.
I was helpless against these emotions.
I felt like an empty, barren land once full of vegetative life but now robbed of its glory and beauty.
But I decided to put an end to the dark road my life was spiralling on.
I convinced myself that recovery was the best path to take if I must be released from the painful past.
The decision to embark on the journey to self-discovery yielded good results, so I ultimately surrendered.
The healing power of recovery surged through me, and my misery gave way. Gradually, the bitterness that kept me in bondage for so long left and was replaced with inner peace.
The same moment, anger, guilt and disgust for myself and others were no more.
The fact that I could forgive myself paved the way for self-love and personal growth, which were missing before.
The process of recovery is the basis of a fruitful and positive relationship with yourself and others.
The step I took set me free from the childish attitude I clung to and launched me into womanhood.
True, we cannot afford to live in the past just because we feel victimised in one way or another.
Giving in paralyses our gifts and ability to see clearly, and can wreck our lives.
In many cases, we find it easier to blame the past instead of ourselves for our failure, laziness and irresponsibility.
I chose to heal and be an inspiration to others who struggle with their past.
My vision is to enlighten women all over the world and show them that they can achieve results that far exceed anything they ever imagined.
Nothing we suffer in life is in vain.
Our stories – sad or happy ones – and our self-discovery lend power and meaning to our lives.
I am full of resilience just because I let go of the haunting and hurting past. Now I am a loving, healthy and peaceful woman.
It is my wish that all victimised women find the same inner peace and freedom.
However, many misunderstand the purpose of forgiveness.
They think it means that you agree that what happened to you was right or that you deserved it in one way or another.
No one deserved to be hurt; no one can accept child abuse or any form of molestation as normal either from family and friends.
Benefits of Forgiveness and Letting Go
Forgiveness works better when you do not suppress the hurt and pain you go through. But you must set necessary boundaries to stop future occurrences.
Forgiveness must come from within just after the victim has addressed the grief of the past.
You must allow all the anger, rage, sadness and betrayal to roll over you like the wave of an ocean. This sets you free from inner turmoil.
Emotions Are Crucial
We get released from emotional burden when we acknowledge the worst in our lives.
As we do this first, we feel free from the prison of our past. This gets bigger when we express our deepest emotions without restraint or criticism from others.
Family members and friends should be careful at this point and play their roles well. They must not push the victim to grant forgiveness to the abuser hurriedly.
They should allow that part to come on naturally from within the victim. It is a process which, when mismanaged, can make it more difficult for the victim to recover from initial hurt or pain.
The best action to take at that point is to let the victim know they have the right to express their hurts and feelings without being judged.
Lending a listening ear can be a more effective strategy than forcing the victim to show untimely forgiveness.
It will be best to keep in mind when helping victims of abuse that the worst thing you can do is to talk them out of the way they feel.
Victims of abuse should be allowed to express their feelings without thinking they are wrong or looking for cheap popularity.
Once these barriers are removed, the process
of recovery becomes natural.
The victim may not instantly arrive at the place of forgiveness, but it will help to move forward, feel relieved and have a fruitful relationship with others.
Next is the neutral stage when much of the deep emotions begin to fade away, and memory of childhood abuse becomes faint.
This is precisely when the healing process starts, and victims cannot afford to miss this stage.
The words of Lewis Smedes echo great truth:
“The first, and often the only person to be healed by forgiveness is the person who f… When we genuinely forgive, we set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner we set free was us.
How to Deal with Trauma
There are different paths to follow in the journey to recovery. It is essential to find out which one is best for you.
Forgiveness that draws strength from a spiritual or religious background is one of them. The crucial thing is to choose the form of healing that will annihilate blame so efficiently that you do not feel like a victim any longer.
That victim mentality can define your life and make you a hostage to your past.
Furthermore, you can transform your life by taking responsibility for who you are now.
Choose to let go of the chains of the past by connecting to the fresh and beautiful new you.
Finally, do not let the failure of others define who you are.
An abuser is a failure, so you should not allow that you set your life on a sad and bitter course. Being free from the feeling of victimisation is the sign of recovery.
Personally, choosing to let go led me to a present life filled with courage, meaningful relationship and never-ending love for life.
I am now free inside and outside.
You, too, can experience that freedom from the past.
Living in the past is not worth the trouble. Find your form of healing and follow through.
It is your life to live, so don’t let someone else dictate your happiness.
Choose, decide and follow the process of recovery!
With all my love and respect,