During a crisis, our trauma responses are off the charts.
We all have our survival techniques and coping mechanism that came from our specific environments.
While the methods might vary, there are similarities in the way we process the present moment after trauma.
Let’s take a look at what many childhood abuse survivors are doing right now to survive this crisis at the expense of the peace we have managed to build up through our adult years.
We are numb. I get this is not new for most trauma survivors. We often spend time in this numb state and a crisis is not needed to put us there. But right now, we might be struggling to feel anything at all. To some, this might feel like progress. If you were used to feeling suicidal or angry all the time, numb could feel like a welcomed change. But believe it or not, feeling our emotions is a step up from numb. I know. I can hear the collective resistance to that statement. When we are numb, we are invalidating our inner parts that need to share how they feel. We are shutting them down, and in the long run, it’s unhealthy. But this may be our reality right now.
We are distracted. Distractions are harder to find in isolation, but not impossible. Our defences can be highly creative. With a vast virtual world and a virus to make the mind spin, we can find so many distractions from how we are feeling. People’s tendency to peruse social media has jumped through the roof. Same with spending more time in front of the TV watching movies. It is easier to get caught up in the hysteria about the virus, reading far too many articles than you know you should. The tendency to be distracted right now is very high.
We aren’t sleeping well. Many people are living a different schedule than they were before the crisis. But even if they aren’t, sleep patterns might be shifting and changing. When we sleep, we connect with our unconscious. Our unconscious mind expresses fears in the form of dreams and nightmares. If our triggers are blocked when we are awake, they will show up in our sleep. So we might find ourselves struggling to rest at night even if we are feeling fine during the day.
The mind’s job is to tell stories. Even in the least traumatised people, the mind is prone to stories that stretch the truth. We created stories to make it through a childhood with a reality that was too devastating to face. And those stories tend to stand the test of time. They become critical to survival.
There is another way we use stories. We use them to explain our past emotions. We create stories for why we feel the way we feel. Our emotions are flashbacks, but we can’t face that truth. So we tell ourselves our feelings are about right now. In this current reality, this is very easy to do. We can relate all our traumatic emotions to this crisis. It has never been easier.
And this keeps us in a loop of story-telling that is hard to break.
So please be gentle with yourself right now. Show compassion for your defences. We are experiencing them on a global level right now. Observe your defences. Ground yourself as often as you can. And allow yourself some space to be less productive, more exhausted and less mindful than average.
There isn’t anything wrong with you. You are reacting to a traumatic experience with a traumatic response you used to survive a traumatic childhood.
Despite what you might be reading from others, you have a normal response. And becoming aware of that response is as much a part of our recovery journey as any other step.
Hello Hive, I am really buzzing 🐝 today because I get to tell you all about what I do, why I do it and how it gets me bouncing out of bed every day and ready to go for it! I aim to get you into that state of flow too, so keep listening for your weekly sprinkle of goodness…
Anything is possible when you have the right people to support you’ – Misty Copeland
Eu est quot porro legimus, ne elitr aliquam menandri duo, quo dictas vituperata ut. Ei mei tale expetendis.
The Wind Beneath Your Wings
So why do you need a mindset coach? The short answer is to help you achieve your goals and to support you on your journey. A mindset coach is there to help you weigh your decisions, identify what is or isn’t working and buoy you up. A mindset coach helps you to rewire your brain and your way of thinking and being.
Especially for entrepreneurs, mindset coaching allows you to enter the slipstream of those who have transitioned to leadership and digital business before you, making your ride much less bumpy!
You get to benefit from personal support, experience and knowledge.
‘Whether you think you can or think you can’t. You are right.’ –Henry Ford
Things That Make You Go Mmm
Mindset Coaching isn’t therapy. It is product development with you as the product!
Listen in to discover the tools and techniques that are used to help you reach your fullest potential:
Mindset Techniques – (01:09)
Misalignment to Motivation (03:18)
Make the Leap (09:31)
‘What the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve’ – Napoleon Hill
Self-limiting beliefs feed into negative behaviours, whether conscious or unconscious and keep you playing small.
Perhaps you think you can’t do this on your own? Think you don’t deserve success?
It is my job to help you unlock those patterns that hold you back, help you with an action plan and help keep you accountable on your trajectory towards leadership and entrepreneurial success.
I get such an incredible buzz out of nurturing budding ambitions, breaking down years of negative thinking and/or conditioning and witnessing clients stepping forward to embrace their destiny with confidence and freedom. For some, it is the first time in their lives that they have allowed themselves to be real, to be vulnerable and give themselves permission to chase their dreams. It is truly humbling and exhilarating for both client and coach.
It is why I do what I do.
Giving yourself the gift of a positive mindset really can be a game-changer that transforms you into a magic maker! So what are you waiting for?
Hello Hive, let’s get another meaningful Monday up and away!
Are you ready to start reclaiming your time? YES!
Are you ready to improve your mental wellbeing? YES!
Want more time to work on your passion project? OF COURSE!
Sounds great, right?
But what if I tell you that to do this you have to learn to say ‘NO!’…… Hmmm!
“Successful people say no to almost everything.” ~ Warren Buffet
The Disease To Please
Why do we struggle so much to say no even when we know that not doing so is detrimental to us in some way? It is a common affliction but especially prevalent amongst women.
Little girls are ‘Sugar and spice and all things nice’ and to be acknowledged as a ‘good girl’ usually has meant sublimating our wants and needs to please and caretake others. People-pleasing is rooted in fear and is focussed on earning approval and love.
Denying your true feelings due to fear of the response is draining and places a massive strain on your time, energy and emotional wellbeing. We want others to like us and accept us; we want to show up for them, meet their expectations, and please them.
However, this can change into an unhealthy lack of boundaries, a blurring of what is reasonable and manageable and contribute to a negative cycle of low self-esteem, loneliness and feelings of failure, So what is the cure?
“It’s only by saying “no” that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.” ~ Steve Jobs
R.E.S.P.E.C.T. – Find Out What It Means To Me
Aretha Franklin sang it loud and proud; now, it is your turn! Listen in to these bookmarked play points. Your strategy for saying ‘Yes’ to yourself, embracing your power and respecting and being respected by others starts here!
The Sky Won’t Fall Down (05:33)
Say What You Mean And Mean What You Say (05:54)
The Universe Will Not Punish You For Having Boundaries (05:58)
Get Clear On Who You Are And What You Want (06:29)
What Is Your Motivation? (07:13)
Get Ready For Resistance (07:39)
Walk Your Talk (08:09)
You’ve Got The Power (09:05)
The 10 Things You Need to Say No to Right Now! (09:59)
“Our first and last love is self-love” ~ Christian Nestell Bovee
Start Being Your Own Best Friend
Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish. You are none of those things. Anybody who gets upset and/or expects you to say yes all of the time doesn’t have your best interests at heart. You have a right to say NO without having to explain yourself.
You have the right to have your wishes and time respected. Taking care of your own needs is no less selfish than taking care of others, YOU are a somebody too!
Words Of Wisdom – Quotes To Reflect Upon
‘You will always have a hard time saying no as long as you care more about how you are perceived outweighs how much you care about yourself.’
‘You become useful..but you don’t realise until too late that the exploitative joke is on you.’
‘Before you can master the art of saying ‘No’, you have to clearly define what it is you are saying ‘Yes’ to by saying and acting on ‘No’.’
‘Emotional Political Correctness is Boring AF!’
‘Everything sold cheaply is boring because there is already an abundance of it! Know your worth!’
‘Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive.’
Welcome Listeners! This week I am going to speak about an important subject – Boundaries.
We all need them as every healthy relationship and interaction depends upon them. Setting and maintaining boundaries is an essential skill that many of us never actively learn.We tend to just muddle through until now.
So start by giving yourself the gift of undisturbed time to listen in on how to set up, maintain and reap the benefits of boundaries.
‘Your Boundaries Protect The Inner Core Of Your Identity And Your Right To Choices’ ~ Gerard Manley Hopkins
What are Personal Boundaries and Why are they so Important?
A personal boundary is whatever your limit is about how others treat you. What you will or won’t tolerate.They protect our sense of self-identity and stop us from being overwhelmed by the demands of others. They signal to others how we want to be treated, and prevent us from feeling used, being spread too thin, or in desperate need of defending ourselves.
They also empower us to stand in our own space without blaming or playing the victim. We get to take care of our own “stuff” and don’t wait for another person to solve all our problems.
‘Givers Need To Set Limits Because Takers Rarely Do’ ~ Rachel Wolchin
Good Fences Make Good Neighbours
A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect. When someone acts in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that’s a cue that they may be violating or crossing a boundary.While most people will respect your boundaries when you explain what they are and will expect that you will do the same for them; some people don’t understand where you end and they begin.
People who try to invade your space are not thinking about you or how pushing the limits of your boundaries will affect you. They feel entitled to get whatever they ask for because in their minds their needs are more important than yours. Our earliest experiences around trust can form the blueprint for how we interact later in life.
If we have had our trust violated in any way, then it can make it difficult for us to know when our boundaries are ignored, or we may not even know what our limits are.
We cannot change others. We are not responsible for what comes out of their mouth, the choices they make, or their reactions. The bottom line is that since you can’t change other people, change how you deal with them!
Let’s explore boundaries in more detail. I have bookmarked play points for you to listen to at your leisure:
Why Having Boundaries Is A Win/Win For You (01:49)
What Are Personal Boundaries? (03:35)
How Boundaries Are Set In Childhood (09:13)
Repercussions In Personal Relationships (11:24)
Identify Your Limits (13:08)
Examples of Healthy Boundaries (13:32)
Signs That You Lack Personal Boundaries (15:43)
How to Set Boundaries (17:14)
Healthy Boundaries in Relationships (18:30)
What do Healthy Personal Boundaries Feel Like? (20:59)
Don’t Worry, Be Happy (23:18)
‘Daring To Set Boundaries Is About Having The Courage To Love Ourselves, Even When We Risk Disappointing Others’ ~ Brené Brown
You Are In Charge Of Your Choices
The better you know yourself, the better you can understand and choose to be around the people that best mirror the kind of life experience you want to have. Gently allow yourself to imagine how your life will be different when you learn to speak your truth. How will you change? How will your daily life become richer? How might you feel more authentic in your relationships? Keep your vision at the forefront of your mind as you make the decisions that are best for you, day by day.
Expect some push back when you first start exerting your boundaries but look upon it as resistance training that flexes the muscle of your boundary and makes it stronger! The more you practice, the better your results will be, so don’t get disheartened if your initial attempts don’t go the way you want.
Sometimes it takes time to establish your red lines. Still, once they are in place and everyone is on board, it is full steam ahead to a destination of enhanced self-confidence, personal integrity and self-respect that enables you to live your life feeling happier and more fulfilled.
What steps will you be taking towards embracing your power in your dealings with others today?Feel free to share your boundary setting stories, comments and tips below.
Until next time, remember that setting boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s self-love. You say “yes” to yourself each time you say “no.”. So go ahead, You are worth it!
Words of Wisdom – Quotes from this episode
If you don’t have boundaries in your relationships, then you will never have REAL relationships
Boundaries make you a winner
You are the CEO of YOU!
Boundaries communicate how you expect people to treat you
Boundaries will never change a toxic person or situation into something non-toxic
What people say and do is about them
Other people are entitled to their feelings as I am entitled to mine
The only people who have a problem with you having boundaries are those who benefit from their absence
Greetings and welcome to this week’s Cynspiration podcast in which I will be talking to Christina Frey about the best ways to overcome one of the most common problems faced by almost everyone – Find the Guts to Speak on Public!
‘Find your voice and inspire others to find theirs. Don’t ignore the longing to make a difference’ ~ Steven Covey.
Just the mention of it is enough to make everything clench and beads of sweat to form on your forehead, right? We almost all need to speak in public at some time in our lives; a speech at a wedding, a presentation, a sales pitch or a podcast yet the fear of having to put yourself front and centre can be crippling. It is more important than ever to be able to pitch your ideas and product in an ever-competitive entrepreneurial world in your own unique and compelling voice.
When You Own Your Voice, You Own Your Power
At the heart of anxiety, surrounding speaking in public or to a target audience is confidence. Christina says that it is our inner critic that holds us back and stops us sharing authentically. We fear being judged. We fear not being enough. We fear making mistakes. We fear our message will be ignored or ridiculed. We fear being rejected. We fear that we will stumble over our words.
‘A woman with a voice is, by definition, a strong woman. But the search for that voice can be remarkably difficult’ ~ Melinda Gates.
When we put ourselves forward, it can be quite threatening to ourselves and others. We crave approval from those closest to us and yet they can find it disconcerting to look at us in a different light. They (and we) have a psychological schema in place about who we are, how we behave and our place in the world and this can compel us to subdue and suppress our voices to maintain the status quo, even as adults. When we put ourselves forward to speak to others in a business capacity, we present as experts or knowledgable but are we feeling that inside?
Christina explains the psychology surrounding the fear of speaking out: [05:05]
What can we do to find our voice, claim our space and speak with confidence?
Speak For Success
‘All the great speakers were bad speakers at first’ ` Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Everyone starts from the same baseline when it comes to personal presentations and even the most charismatic speakers such as Tony Robbins did not always have a commanding presence and compelling delivery – they had to learn and practice too! Listen in to Christina give her best advice to get you to speaking for success and facing forwards on your journey as a confident person and successful entrepreneur.
Get into the Right Mindset
Acknowledging Your Limiting Beliefs (19:36)
Find Your Message (20:10)
Observe As Many Public Speakers As You Can (22:35)
Join A Public Speaking Class Or Group (23:25)
Make Use Of All the Free Information Available Online (26:22)
Get Ready To Deliver
Don’t allow being self-conscious to hold you back (27:15)
Talking to the Man (or Woman) In The Mirror (28:00)
Listen To and Love The Sound Of Your Voice (28:26)
Avoid Stimulants Before Your Talk/Video (28:56)
Wear Comfortable Clothes (30:25)
Take Time To Prepare (31:01)
Enjoy Audience Feedback and Acknowledge Your Success (35:39)
‘When you speak about something you passionately care about, you will be more comfortable and more confident in your element’ ~ Brian Tracy.
You’ve Got This!
Public speaking is a gift though it can feel like an ordeal when you are first starting. It allows you to share your energy and ideas with your target audience, add value to the world with your ideas and business and in return, gain confidence, take chances, expand your skills set and vocabulary and build your courage.
Christina says that TED talks were very educational and inspirational for her in terms of learning how to present in public and recommends explicitly Mel Robbins, Les Brown and Tony Robbins. Modelling yourself on these very successful speakers is a great way to boost your confidence and to help you get started but always remember that even these giants started small.
You have so much more to gain than to lose by singing your message out loud and clear. If others can do it, then so can you!
“Practice, practice, practice in speaking before an audience will tend to remove all fear of audiences, just as practice in swimming will lead to confidence and facility in the water. You must learn to speak by speaking.” ~ Dale Carnegie.
Christina Frey is a successful public speaking coach and entrepreneur. Born and raised in Germany, Christina was a shy but driven girl with a passion for languages. She moved abroad at the age of 20 and has used her love of language to empower and encourage her to take more risks. She holds a degree in Chinese studies and speaks Chinese, German and English amongst other languages. Christina is passionate about helping others to express themselves and regularly hosts a program designed to help entrepreneurs communicate with their target audiences in exciting and effective ways.
Points to Ponder
Repetition and practice make things easier and more comfortable.
Once we can touch people with our message, then we can help them.
Fear can hurt your business. You need your voice and presentation skills as a vehicle to share your expertise and product.
Am I going to let this fear hold me back for the rest of my life?
Reconnect with your essence
Celebrate the little wins
Don’t compare yourself unfavourably. Everyone has to start somewhere!
Each time you communicate with your audience, you are affecting at least one other person, so make your message one that adds value and positivity!
Welcome to the latest buzz around the Cynspiration Hive – This week, Hallowe’en week, we talk about something terrifying – Fear and how it holds us back! Grab your garlic and your wooden stakes because we are going to learn how to face up to it!
You can do this my brave ones, you need to dig a bit deeper so let’s talk about the weapons that you have in your arsenal to slay the monster!
The Scariest Monsters Are The Ones That Lurk Within Our Souls -~ Edgar Allen Poe.
What Happens When Fear Raises Its Ugly Head?
Fear is a universal human emotion. Every culture experiences it. As we approach Hallowe’en, we may even enjoy being afraid in controlled circumstances! Who doesn’t enjoy a good ghost story or scary movie?
Uncontrolled fear, however, is a different beast entirely! It can unleash a whole load of nasties that can plague us, torment us and lurk in the dark corners of our minds. My followers know that mindset is everything.
Fear can cause us to doubt ourselves, lose momentum, question our judgment and compare ourselves unfavourably. Just like the emotional trauma, I discussed last week; fear is an invisible menace that we only become aware of when it starts to manifest in our daily lives.
We begin to suffer from analysis paralysis, paranoia, and wasting our precious energy on things that don’t serve us and don’t move us forward as entrepreneurs or as people.
What can we do to stop the downward spiral of negative thinking and fear-based beliefs?
Fear Grows In Darkness. If You Think There’s A Bogeyman Around, Turn On The Light ~ Dorothy Thompson
Overcome the Monster
It takes some effort but it the payoff is so worth it! Imagine being the one in charge of your thoughts, motivations, habits and actions – no more living in the shadows my friends if you follow the following steps to help you free yourself of the things that suck your mental, emotional and physical energy.
Build Awareness of Your Fear (04:18)
Letting Go of Fear (04:55)
Reframe Your Thoughts (05:40)
Be/Do/Have/Feel – Explore and Refocus (06:29)
Meditate and Visualize (07:40)
Whenever that monster appears, break it down, then break it down some more until it no longer holds the power to control you and your actions. These simple exercises will empower you and enhance your understanding of who you are, so don’t wait for ‘Fright Night’ to strike again. Get started on them now!
Magic Is Really Very Simple, All You Have Got To Do Is Want Something Then Let Yourself Have It ~ Aggie Cromwell (HalloweenTown)
Make Your Own Magic
Everything that you need to be a success is inside you. Sometimes, because of past experiences, we don’t allow ourselves to claim the prize and we self-sabotage. Don’t be haunted by regret because you allowed fear to hold you back.
This time around, give yourself permission to believe in yourself, to aim higher, to use your superpowers because when you do, that is when the magic will happen!
Happy Halloween to the Cynspiration Hive – Until next time….Creep it Real!
Points to Ponder
The more we know about our fear, the easier it is to manage.
Identify your triggers.
Create mental space and release your fear.
Remind yourself of your strengths.
Breaking things down is about understanding yourself.
P.S. Every fear is different; it impacts us differently and affects us all differently. If you want personalised support that is centred around your unique fears, helping you to breakdown the internal conflict and reconnects with the unique power you have with you call me todayto find out more.
Unresolved childhood trauma can haunt us in ways that often don’t seem direct. It impacts us emotionally, physically and mentally, causing us to think, feel and act in a certain way.
It’s important to break any misconceptions that childhood trauma only involves physical danger or harm.
Anything that leaves a child feeling alone, vulnerable, overwhelmed or terrified is traumatic.
Like most internal programs, we can’t see it. We are unaware of the inner conflict that is going on, and we only get to see a behaviour or a reaction as a result of dealing with this trauma.
If someone lacks trust in people, we call them defensive, awkward, unapproachable.
If someone is fearful, we label them as unsuccessful, weak, unfocused.
If someone is depressed, we call them moody, uninterested, distracted and unmotivated.
We make assumptions and judge people without taking the time to understand why they feel this way.
Be aware that undesirable on-the-job behaviours can stem from childhood neglect or abuse and aren’t always laziness or a poor work ethic.
We need to approach the problem at its root cause, not at the symptom level. Until we discover the root cause of these behaviours and symptoms, we can’t move forward in the way we desperately want to.
We can paper over the cracks by tackling the behaviour and making small changes. But this symptom management is only a temporary solution; the driving force of these actions is still working off the same limited program.
For example, a mother’s unresolved trauma may interfere with her ability to respond to her infant sensitively. That can affect the development of attachment in her child and potentially contribute to the intergenerational transmission of the trauma.
When you actively work on getting to the root cause you can release it at its deepest levels and re-program the stories, feeling and actions that are associated with these beliefs. Profound healing can take place as you free your mind from the control as you dissociate yourself with the events that took place.
To Change Behaviour, we Need to Understand Behaviour.
Trauma denial is a big part of why we are still stuck both on a personal and a professional level.
If you want to grow personally, professionally, and financially, you need to get to the root cause of what is holding you back.
Healing your trauma heals your life.
Obvious vs. Hidden forms of Childhood Trauma
Experiences are traumatic because they are unexpected, unwanted, and you are powerless to stop them.
Obvious trauma that tends to affect all involved include:
the loss of a loved one to illness or death
a natural disaster
suffering physical abuse
being displaced and moving country
Less obvious experiences can be just as traumatic for a child and have severe consequences for the long-term.
living in poverty
abruptly changing schools
a sick sibling
going through an operation
living with parents who are always fighting
living in a violent or dangerous community
watching a parent getting hurt
Emotional traumas such as:
a humiliating experience at school
being always put down and shamed by a parent figure
not getting proper attention from a caregiver
having to take care of a parent
being abandoned by someone you love
Sadly, an all too common form of childhood trauma is sexual abuse. And many types of sexual abuse go overlooked.
Any form of inappropriate sexual behaviour can have long-lasting effects on a child. Being stripped down as a punishment for being ‘bad’, for example, or having a parent who makes constant inappropriate comments about your body, can both result in the long-term symptoms of trauma.
But aren’t children resilient?
The idea that a child will not be affected by what they do not understand is incorrect.
Even if they don’t comprehend the logistics of what is happening, they understand danger, discord, and this is what causes trauma.
A child can be more affected by trauma than adults as they can sense danger but not ‘explain’ it to themselves like an adult, meaning they are terrified and vulnerable.
Traumatic experiences also have a stronger impact on children when you take into account that children’s brains are still developing and thus more vulnerable than those of adults.
What has unresolved childhood trauma to do with you as an entrepreneur or in your workplace?
1 – Skews Our Self-Esteem
If our childhood environment provided a skewed perception of us, we would develop skewed self-esteem. It impacts our lives as the issues that stem from it follow us into our adulthoods and sometimes last a lifetime.
There are two main categories of Self-esteem issues.
1 – self-underestimation – low self-worth, a lack of self-confidence, self-doubt, etc.
2 – self-overestimation – person tends to see themselves as better than they are. Examples would be shallowness, false self-confidence, fakeness, fixation on social status, and so on).
These issues manifest themselves on many levels: intellectual (false beliefs, magical thinking, unrealistic standards)
Emotional (depression, chronic shame and guilt), or Behavioural (addiction, self-loathing or destructive behaviour).
2 – Perfectionism – A way of dealing with childhood trauma
Dr.Brené Brown says perfectionism is one of the three main ways people protect themselves from getting hurt. She says it is just a form of armour and connected to your sense of shame and fear of not being good enough.
We use perfectionism in areas of our lives that we feel most vulnerable. What drives it is the belief that ‘if I look perfect, work perfect, live perfect I will avoid or minimise criticism, blame or ridicule’.
How do I stop being a perfectionist?
The more you find out about how and why you developed the need to be perfect, the more you recognise how unachievable and unnecessary it is. Through reading ‘Why Go Back? 7 Steps to Healing from Childhood Sexual Abuse‘ I had to explore the various conditions and disorders that I developed as a result of my childhood trauma. This information has armed me with the knowledge I needed to make the necessary changes. I could see the energy I was devoting to overthinking and overdoing any task I took on.
It sounds like a contradiction, but, I minimise my need for perfectionism by not trying. I accept that this is something I do. I don’t use it as another way to tell myself that I have failed or something else to hate myself.
When I start a new project, I ask myself what I am trying to achieve and who am I trying to please.
I needed to be right and believed that others couldn’t do the work as well as me; It drove my desire for perfectionism.
It prevented me from asking for help when I felt overwhelmed, and that behaviour only fed my perfectionism. Recognising this pattern allowed me to challenge it.
Lingering Childhood Trauma Can Manifest As Conflict In The Workplace
Trauma can take many forms, including mistreatment, exploitation, abuse, or a lack of approval or love — and it can adversely affect how individuals interact with other people at work.
If you’re someone who continually finds yourself in conflict with your supervisors, employees, or colleagues, you might want to consider the possibility that you have childhood trauma.
Lack of love or approval
People-pleasers, constantly care-taking and doing too much for others in the hopes of finally obtaining the love and validation they lacked in their childhood. Interestingly, the more they try to please, the more they are disrespected and held in contempt by people at their workplace. These are the individuals in the workplace who are taken for granted, taken advantage of and sometimes even bullied.
People who grew up mistreated assume that this is all that they “deserve” or all that they can expect of their colleagues and managers.
If people at work mistreat you, you need to examine your past for signs of mistreatment, and for obvious or subtle messaging that you “should” tolerate it.
The only way to fit in at work is to do too much.
You take on the projects that no one else wants to tackle. You do other people’s work, and you overwork until you’re burned out, misbelieving that this is what you’re “meant” to do.
Some individuals with childhood trauma end up behaving like the people who abused them in the past. They’re deeply wounded and end up like their “role models” — the abusive adults who hurt them as children. They become nasty, disruptive, even toxic adults in their workplaces.
If you recognise a boss or a colleague who’s behaving in an abusive or disruptive manner in the workplace, it’s they might have experienced abuse. Note that they’re unlikely to be open to your help or advice on this matter.
Abusive People have the potential for being tremendously destructive to your personal life or your career. Be cautious around. If possible, they should avoid them or change jobs.
Did I suffer childhood trauma? Symptoms to look for
Not everyone reacts to “trauma” in the same way. Some people remember all the details of what happened, some blank everything and lose all memory of the experience.
Some people develop many symptoms from childhood onwards, and others have no signs of trauma, but then suddenly, as an adult, something triggers them. It could be a stressful new job, a new relationship, or another life trauma like a bereavement or breakup.
In general, signs to look for as an adult that you suffered trauma as a child include but are not limited to:
Here are a few symptoms of unresolved emotional trauma:
Inability to achieve goals
Lack of empathy
Not feeling worthy
Lack of trust in people
Addiction & Substance Abuse, Eating disorder
Hypervigilance, easily startled and often edgy
Suicidal thought or actions
Difficulties managing stress
Unexplained aches and pains or chronic fatigue
Mood swings or a tendency to overreact
A core belief that the world is a dangerous place
An inexplicable sense of loneliness and isolation
Unable to maintain lasting and satisfying relationships
Always feel numb, or like you are ‘watching’ yourself
Difficulty with concentrating
A sense of loss and mourning
We are learning more and more about the adverse effects of trauma on many aspects of our mental and physical health and wellbeing. Science seems to be linking early trauma to everything from back pain to depression. In 2018 Oprah spoke to Dr Bruce Perry, a world-renowned expert on childhood trauma.
He said “a child’s brain gets wired “differently” when raised in a chaotic or violent environment. He talked about the effect adverse childhood events have on us as adults. “If you have developmental trauma, you’re at risk for almost any kind of physical health, mental health, a social health problem that you can think of.”
Unresolved trauma can haunt us throughout our lives in ways that often don’t seem direct. As adults, we may attempt to forget or gloss over the past. We may think, “My childhood wasn’t that bad” or “Many people had it worse than I did.” We don’t realise that these old wounds can have all kinds of physical and psychological effects.
Certain events may involuntarily trigger reactions in us that we haven’t thought about in years: guilt, shame, fear, or anger sourcing from early in our lives.
What also affects is not having been able to feel the full pain and make sense of our experiences.
When we don’t deal with our trauma, we carry it with us. We haven’t made sense of our story, and therefore, our past is still impacting our present in countless invisible ways. It influences how we parent, how we relate to our partner, how we feel, how we think, and operate in the world.
Therefore, perhaps the most important thing we can do to resolve unresolved trauma is to create a coherent narrative. Some things that don’t look traumatic to us as adults felt traumatic to us as kids.
Creating a coherent narrative is a process that involves writing down any “big trauma” we endured, be it a loss, abuse, or life-threatening event, as well as the “little traumas” we experienced.
These events may not seem as dramatic, but they impacted us by causing us distress, fear, or pain and, therefore, changed the way we saw ourselves, other people, and the world around us.
In many cases, we’ll discover that we haven’t fully resolved these traumas.
An example of this occurred in a course I attended. A woman shared a story with the class. She started by shamefully stating that as a kid, she killed a horse, a trauma she identified as an indication of her “badness.” However, further details told a very different story. It turns out that when she was only 11-years-old, her parents put her on an untamed horse.
Despite being scared, she took the horse for a trail ride, as she had in the past with other well-trained horses. The horse got spooked by something, failed to clear a jump, and died. Her parents blamed her for the animal’s death and threatened to send her away to boarding school unless she wrote letters of apology to everyone in the family.
As she told the story, people pointed she was not responsible, and that it was neglect on the part of her parents to make her ride a wild horse. The woman kept insisting that she was still to blame.
Only until she was asked to imagine the same event happening to a child, she knew in her current life, that it clicked.
She’d been traumatised and frightened by the event, and blamed for it, leaving her with a feeling of shame, she thought she deserved and carried her entire life.
She went on believing she deserved anything terrible that happened.
Telling her story, helped her understand how different the reality was from the one she’d accepted. Her parents were neglectful and had endangered her as well as the horse. A truth that had been too scary for her to face as a child.
Changing narrative allowed her to feel for herself, experience some relief, and resolve some of her trauma around the incident. She was finally able to let go of the feeling of being “bad,” which had hindered her since the event.
Our instinct is often to bury the past, minimise, or avoid our pain, but feeling the feeling of what happened to us can lead to healing. We separate our past experiences from the present day and identify the negative overlays these experiences have on our current lives, including our physical health and relationships.
Creating a coherent narrative is a powerful tool for resolving early childhood trauma. Making sense of our history can free us of many of its burdens in all their manifestations.
It helps us break destructive intergenerational cycles to become stronger parents and partners. It can lead us to feel more secure within ourselves and provide more security to others.
Facing trauma is challenging, but it is a fundamental aspect of healing, mentally and physically. It’s a tool for building better relationships and a key to unlocking our most authentic selves.
What do I do if experienced childhood trauma?
So first of all, my beautiful angels (women and men) who are out there listening and have experienced sexual trauma.
It is not a life sentence. You’re not destined to be hurt. You’re not born to spend every day dealing with the past and in pain. And the first thing that we can do is make a decision.
We have to make a choice that we want something to change. And from that place of choice, we can then take action. And to my mind, the best first action is to understand precisely where you are in this healing process.
From my website, you can go cynspiration.com/checklist. And you can get my guide that will talk more about the stages of recovery. Victimhood, Survivorhood, and THRIVING AND TRANSCENDENCE, that guide is going to give you a checklist to help you figure out where you are.
Each stage of recovery should have adapted goals and a type of support that align with that stage.
Too many survivors of abuse and trauma end up getting re-traumatised because they’re trying to reach goals that they’re not ready for yet. They’re trying to reach and achieve things that they’re not.
They haven’t got the foundations in place yet, and are using healing modalities that don’t address the correct stage of where they are.
So that guide will help break all of that down. And from that place, you’ll then be able to make better decisions and focus your energy on what you need to focus on to get to the next level and then to the next level.
What occurred was out of your control, and it is unfortunate.
What is within your control now is your ability to take steps to help yourself. The effects of childhood trauma are not known to resolve by themselves with time or age, but they do respond positively to focussed attention and support.
Information about recognising and resolving childhood trauma is now readily available on the internet, with forums you can connect with others. There are many books on the topic that can act as a starting point for exploring your experience, or bring a sense of relief to you.
Be wary of playing the blame game when it comes to childhood trauma. Recognising you experienced trauma can cause many emotions to rise, including rage and anger.
It can be tempting to immediately contact family members or others who were involved and lash out. I recommend you process your feelings first, and are in a stable place to deal with the outcome of such conversations.
I highly advise seeking professional support and help.
Therapists can help you go back and discover just what occurred, how you contended with the trauma then, and how it is affecting you today.
They create a safe space for you to process your feelings. And teach you techniques for processing and letting go of old patterns and emotions so you can finally move forward with your life.
Have you successfully overcome childhood trauma? Share your story below and inspire others.
Hi and welcome! The buzz around the Cynspiration Hive this week is setting GOALS.
Yep, we all have ’em but do we always follow through with ’em? There are many reasons why people fail to achieve the targets that they set for themselves. Today we are going to look at the 8 most common goal-setting mistakes and learn how to avoid them!
“All good performance starts with clear goals.” Ken Blanchard
Why Are Goals So Important?
Put simply, we all need something to aim for and strive towards. It is what keeps us moving forward in life. Setting and achieving goals helps us to improve the quality of our life and that of others. We commonly use goals to improve our health, relationships, finances, business success, and even personal happiness. If you want to succeed, you need to set goals!
“The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score.” Bill Copeland
Be SMART About Your Goal Setting
If youare unsure of the goal-setting process, the S.M.A.R.T framework offers a checklist to help guide your goal setting, improve your focus and clarify your ideas. Let’s look at what the acronym SMART stands for.
S is for Specific
It’s essential to be as specific as possible when setting goals. Ask yourself: What do I want to achieve? How will I get there? When should I have achieved this goal by?
M is for Measurable
Having a goal which can be quantified in some way makes it a lot easier to track your progress. Include precise amounts, dates, and so on in your goals so you can measure your degree of success.
A is for Achievable/Attainable
This focuses on how important a goal is to you and what you can do to make it attainable. It may require developing new skills and changing attitudes. Strike a balance between reaching higher and resisting the urge to set goals that are too easy.
R is for Relevant
This is your ‘why’. By keeping goals aligned with this, you’ll develop the focus you need to get ahead and do what you want.
T is for Time-specific
You must give yourself a deadline. When you are working on a deadline, your sense of urgency increases and achievement will come that much quicker. You will know when you can celebrate your success!
“When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.” Confucius
Where Does It All Go Wrong?…… And How To Get It Right!
Let me talk you through some of the most common mistakes that people make when they think about goals and how to remedy them so that you hit your target and don’t shoot yourself in the foot!
Bookmarked PlayPoints for Reference
Unrealistic Goals (01:38)
Focusing On Too Few Areas (02:34)
Underestimating Completion Times (04:00)
Not Appreciating Failure (04:45)
Setting Other People’s Goals (05:30)
Not Reviewing Progress (06:09)
Setting Negative Goals (06:50)
Setting Too Many Goals (07:36)
“If you have a dream, you can spend a lifetime studying, planning, and getting ready for it. What you should be doing is getting started.” Drew Houston
Let’s Get Started – NOW!
There is literally no time like the present. Fall is the time of year for new starts. We have a new season, a new academic year, a new financial quarter and the perfect opportunity to start doing the groundwork to make next year a year of power, progress and pride. So let’s dive in and unload those incredible skillsets within to make goals that can truly enrich our lives. What will you decide to accomplish today?
Welcome to this week’s Cynspiration where we speak with Gareth Morgan about a something that resonates to the very core of our being – Alignment. What is Alignment? What does it mean to be aligned? How does it help us and others on our journey as human beings and as entrepreneurs?
“If you can tune into your purpose and really align with it, setting goals so that your vision is an expression of that purpose, then life flows much more easily.” Jack Canfield
What Is Alignment?
Everything starts on the inside – e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g!
Do you remember a time when you felt on top of the world, and everything went perfectly? Your coffee was the just the way you like it, the traffic signals all stayed on green, you got an unexpected new promotion or client or bonus.
That was no accident. That was you being in a state of alignment! Everything you were doing energetically, mentally and emotionally was in perfect accord and it felt good!
We are all given a set of unique talents but to make the most of it we must have a purpose and one that resonates with our deepest principles. Our personal integrity, in harmony with our thoughts and actions, allows us to move through life with a sense of clarity and feeling of ease – that is alignment.
When you are in alignment, everything lines up for you.
Gareth shares his own personal journey and his observations about what it means to dig deep to find the core values that you build your life and your business upon. Listen in as he gives advice and techniques to help you achieve alignment that will take you to where you need to go.
Bookmarked Play Points for Reference
Gareth’s overview of alignment (06:47)
Alignment with Self (08:44)
How to find alignment in day to day life (09:29)
What knocks people out of alignment (14:37)
When life throws us a curveball (15:18)
How to get back into alignment (22:54)
How did Gareth find his spirituality/values (25:56)
Get in flow with yourself (30:28)
Dealing with procrastination (31:22)
Practice to get you there (36:49)
Check-in on yourself (39:14)
Gareth on visualisation (42:11)
Gareth’s definition of Inspiration (44:21)
“You are not here merely to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.” President Woodrow Wilson
How Alignment Helps Your Business
The value of your brand comes from what is important to you. Having a robust, defined set of values and mission statement provides a powerful decision-making filter for your business. It gives you clarity on the actions that you need to take in your business and creates a genuine connection with your customers.
Additionally, a product or service that is the reflection of values has a tendency to stand out and to be perceived very differently in the market, which is increasingly more important with the massive number of choices available today.
What Are The Personal Benefits?
The peace that comes from living your beliefs.
Life starts to feel easier
You ditch habits that no longer serve you
A renewed sense of purpose and belief in your own abilities
Better interactions with others – professionally and personally
You appreciate more
“You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance every second.” Tony Robbins
Let it come. Let it go. Let it flow.
Gareth acknowledges that even with the best of intentions, life gets in the way. It can be very discouraging when your business receives a knock, or someone is rude to you. When this happens, it can be very tempting to give in to fear or anger and to start to take actions from a place outside your personal integrity and out of alignment with your brand.
Gareth says that to return to a frictionless state and to shift your focus, you must start by shifting your mind. Lock into your destination through goal setting, affirmations, and visualisation, and then start taking the actions that will move you in the right direction. Here’s how:
Tools for Achieving Alignment
A useful way to get back into a state of flow is to remind yourself of your why.
Take 5 minutes to write out a short mission statement beginning with the words:
I see a world where….
Now put it somewhere you can see it and read it OFTEN!
A state of alignment needs regular, constant awareness. Other tools that you may find useful are visualisation, meditation or journalling; anything in fact, that helps you. There is no right way or wrong way, only YOUR way.
Where Attention Goes, Energy Flows.
Stay positively focused and optimistic about what you’re creating in your life because this helps bring you into alignment with it. You infuse your intentions and decisions through awareness. Entrepreneurs don’t just sit back and wait to hit the jackpot. They are actively taking steps each day to build their business and to bring value to the world.
Believe you can do it, think positively about it, feel as if you’ve already created it, and take action. Choose to focus your attention on things that are empowering, supportive and in alignment with what you really want to create. If you do what you love, you will love what you do, and that is a win-win for everybody!
Words of Wisdom – Reflect upon some of the key points of this week’s episode.
The vibration you are holding is where you are creating from
Mental stress takes as much toll as physical stress.
If we move through the world in a reactionary state, then the world dictates how we live.
Alignment is not just spiritual.
Your business is the physical manifestation of your values.
If you can go back to your aligned state, you can by-pass procrastination.
This is who I am, so this is what I do.
Suffering comes from how we react internally to the external event.
Alignment with your brand gives you clarity on the actions you need to take
Gareth Morgan always knew that he wanted to walk the road less travelled. At an early age, he knew that the traditional pathway into adulthood and career was not what resonated with him, so he decided to pursue his passion for skiing, move to Europe and living his dream.
This lasted for 10 years until life threw him a curveball and he ended up back in Sydney, trying to fit into the mainstream and feeling unhappy. He began a journey into spirituality that led him to study for a nursing degree as he hoped to pursue a career that enabled him to combine his spiritual and professional path compassionately.
However, a diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome ended his clinical career. Gareth discovered a new way of living and working by embracing entrepreneurship, allowing him to combine his core spiritual beliefs with a values-led digital business.
He lives in a remote house that overlooks the wild and beautiful Loch Ness. He might have spotted Nessie once 🦕!
Welcome to this week’s Cynspiration personal coaching session. Today we are going to tackle a problem that affects many people, yes, even ‘high flyers’ – Imposter Syndrome!
“The exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me feel very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.” ~ Albert Einstein
Have you ever felt that you don’t belong? That you don’t actually deserve your job and your accomplishments?
Welcome to the club! Over 70% of people report feeling like a fraud in their lives, even a genius like Albert Einstein! It’s a mind-trap!
Let’s get that clear! It sits there waiting to ambush you and keeps you playing small. In business and in society, the problems we face require the best people to step up. But many hold back because they feel that luck rather than ability lies behind their successes. They dread that sooner or later, some person or event will expose them for the fraud that deep down they believe themselves to be.
Far from being a realistic self-assessment, the Impostor Syndrome mind-trap prevents people from believing in themselves.
Imposter Syndrome Unmasked
We all struggle with self-confidence at times, but Imposter Syndrome is an inner narrative playing over and over on a constant loop. It can limit our courage to go after new opportunities, explore potential areas of interest or put ourselves out there in a meaningful way. So what are the symptoms of Imposter Syndrome? Let’s expose those tricky thoughts that keep us stuck.
Bookmarked play points for reference
Giving into Fear [03.05]
Negative Self Talk [03:49]
“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, Uh Oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they are going to find me out now!” ~ Maya Angelou
Why do we feel this way, and why has it been so difficult to shake off?
The answers lie in thought patterns that we have inherited, feelings of insecurity, sometimes it is environmental. It particularly affects women. Despite outstanding academic and professional accomplishments, women such as Michelle Obama and Maya Angelou have spoken out about how they are affected.
Women have sex-role societal expectations thrust upon them early on and feel the need to be perfect and please people and often feel they fall short of what they are ‘supposed to be’.
Imagine how much talent the world is missing out on because of this pernicious problem? How much leadership is being undermined? How many people are missing out on achieving their true potential? There is some good news, though.
Free to Be You
This toxic cocktail of intense self-doubt doesn’t have to be a life sentence.
So how do we reframe those thoughts and use them constructively to springboard us into a more mindful, helpful, less stressful way of living and being? Let me share.
Recognise It [09:37]
Acknowledge Your Feelings [10:01]
Cognitive Restructuring [10:40]
Understand You Are Not Alone [11:43]
Get to Know Your Strengths and Weaknesses [12:25]
Overcome Perfectionism [13:03]
Own Your Successes [14:02]
“You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.” ~ JK Rowling
Don’t Hide Your Light Under A Bushel!
Perfectionism and fear of failure underpin daily life for people with Imposter Syndrome but let’s put it into perspective. It is entirely normal to feel nervous the night before a presentation. Or to have a little wobble when you find yourself in an unfamiliar place in life.
Mistakes and failures are a normal part of life that serves as a learning curve. Even if you do stumble, remind yourself that failure is just a bruise, not a tattoo that you must wear forever. Failure builds resilience and resilience builds the courage to reach higher. Perfect does not exist.
Remember that if you are feeling like an impostor, it means you have some degree of success in your life that you are attributing to luck. From now on learn how to take a compliment, know that you are a competent person, embrace your accomplishments and draw strength and grace from all the things you ARE.
Step into your success and enjoy it, no matter how big or small. You deserve it!
Words of Wisdom – Reflect upon some of the key messages from this week’s episode
You learn so much when you fail!
Feeling like a fraud can become a self-fulfilling pattern.
Feelings are NOT reality!
If you feel like a fraud, then you are competent.
Reach out and talk to people that you trust, many of your colleagues and friends will relate to how you feel.
Marriage takes work. It is especially true when you work with your spouse. Having your partner at your side all day at work and then for the rest of the night at home isn’t for everyone, but for Tony and Carmen Matthews, they couldn’t see life any other way.
Tune in to find out what makes Tony and Carmen a Happy Entrepreneurial Power Couple and co-owners of SuperFly, one of the hottest digital car magazines dedicated to showcasing some of the coolest and most unique cars in the world.
From Dreamers to Dynamic Duo
Tony and Carmen’s journey started after Tony woke from a dream and realised that he had had enough! They had started a business in 2008 but were struggling to devote the time needed to make it fly.
Tony had reached his limit.
Enough of slogging away at work that didn’t fulfil. Enough of long hours that robbed him and his wife of precious time together and enough of living a life that wasn’t making them happy as a couple. Within a week, they decided to dedicate themselves full time to their business and leave…EVERYTHING!
A new country, a new life, a renewed commitment to their marriage and business was calling them. Tony’s dream became the springboard for living theirdream.
Twin Flames, Same Aims
Communication and passion for the business are essential for success as copreneurs. Tony explains that although he and Carmen work closely together, they always give each other physical and intellectual space. In this way, things flow, and discussions and disagreements take place in an atmosphere of mutual respect. They never lose sight of the fact that they are doing this for the person they love and the passion they have for their business.
Tony and Carmen’s Recommendations for a Successful Business/Love Combo.
Ditch that ego! You have to be willing to take advice and suggestions from your partner in the same way you would from any colleague. There may be disagreements but make sure it is coming from a respectful place.
Accept that there are some areas that your partner may be more talented than you but use the opportunity to learn and expand your skillset.
Roles will change and fluctuate. You may be the ‘frontman’, but your partner may like to take the lead in another area. Let them have a chance to shine.
Communicate regularly. Pay attention to what the other person says. If your belief system is aligned, your relationship and business will thrive.
Play to your strengths as a couple. You know each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and this can help define and delineate the areas of the business each partner will excel at.
Trust that when problems arise in your partner’s area that he or she will take care of it. If and when you need to firefight, then team up and decide who will take which actions.
Praise each other for a job well done; everyone likes to be appreciated.
Create a good work/life balance. Carve out time to be together and put the business conversations on hold. Take that yoga class, do some mindset work before you start your day, make time for date night. You both need to care for yourselves and each other to get the most out of your work, rest and play.
Leave work at work. It’s important to understand that your marriage/partnership is sacred and holds priority over your business. If you both share that mindset, you’ll create a stronger understanding and bond with your spouse/partner.
Enjoy the experience. Enjoy the opportunity to live your ‘why’, spend time with your loved one and create something worthwhile together. Have fun with your business and check in regularly to make sure things are working for you both. If not, then change it up a little and make sure you keep that sense of humour!
Make the Leap but Pack a Parachute
Despite Tony and Carmen’s belief that they could make their business work full time, they realised that having a financial buffer would help to cover any contingencies whilst they were working hard to make it happen.
Carmen turned freelance for 6 months and they sold many of their belongings not only to free themselves up physically but also financially. Carmen and Tony both say that you SHOULD work that job, become a freelancer or anything else that is needed to make sure that your day to day expenses for essentials are met whilst pursuing your entrepreneurial dream.
Work those extra two hours a night on your business education because, in a short period of time, you will have the tools you need to launch your enterprise. Do whatever it takes to move towards the next step in your journey.
Mindset is Everything
In business, in love and in life. Carmen reflects that our early years are formative in so many ways that we are not even conscious of and that our programming can be worked on and overcome especially when we team up with our sacred other. We may come from very different places and have been subject to different family dynamics but we have the power to ensure that we overcome our differences amicably and respectfully.
We have the power to choose how we wish to live and progress and to heal ourselves and others as we do so.
It can be incredibly empowering to give yourself permission to be yourself and put down the weight of your conditioning and embrace the YOU that wants to affect positive change. Tony says that we are all born creators and we should never get discouraged from setting out on a creative path that empowers others.
Never allow negative self talk to dominate and kill your dream before it has even begun. There are more opportunities than ever before to embrace entrepreneurship. The tools and education for developing the business side are out there and there are many inspirational programmes and people to guide you (Carmen and Tony particularly recommend Gary Vaynerchuck).
Once you have your business idea, be bold and learn to persist as Carmen and Tony did when they first started this journey. Entrepreneurship can be a very scary place at first but with faith in your abilities and what you have to offer, you will learn to develop resilience.
The fear of uncertainty can be conquered and with that newfound confidence, who knows where it will take you physically, financially, spiritually and emotionally but always to a place of knowledge and healing.
Always put love first. Without it – Who would you share your business successes with?
Sharing a dream
Pulling together as a team
Believing in each other
Overcoming the fear of uncertainty
Know that you can create whatever you want
Quotes from this Episode:
You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to believe in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. – Steve Jobs
Love has to come before business.
Love yourself first, and your partner will take inspiration from what you do.
Find something that makes you thrive and be YOU!
Entrepreneurship is more about mindset than it is about building a business.
Stay curious and keep getting to know your partner over and over again.
Inspiration is a compass inside you that helps you to develop in your life.
Work smarter, not harder. Choose two or three tasks that are the most important right now to get the maximum results. Do this each day and be smart and specific about what you want to achieve.
If we cannot heal ourselves, then anyone we teach or touch cannot heal either.
About our Guests:
Our guests this week bring a truly international flavour to the podcast. Tony Matthews is Anglo-French and was raised in France. Carmen Matthews is originally from Germany, and they met and fell in love in Switzerland.
After getting together, they moved to the UK where Tony was working as a contractor and Carmen was a video conference operator for a global bank. Working long hours in demoralising jobs led them to look for a better way to live and make a living.
They sold everything they had, took extra work to finance themselves for six months and worked full-time to get SuperFly their co-owned digital car magazine off the ground. SuperFly is one of the most successful digital publications on the web specialising in supercars and cars with a unique history. Their work takes them around the globe and has allowed them to interview Prince Albert of Monaco, Pamela Anderson and James Bond actor Roger Moore to name but a few.
Connect with Tony and Carmen
Website: Create a lasting legacy through the power of creativity, storytelling and leveraging social media.
Welcome to Episode 18 and get yourself ready for a Cynspirational uplift!
Today we are talking about embracing your power and making your vision a reality by harnessing and building the courage within.
The question is, how bad do you want the life you want?
You Can’t Make An Omelette Without Breaking Eggs.
All change, even positive change, is innately uncomfortable, as it requires trading the familiarity of the known for the uncertainty of the new.
You already leapt by choosing to follow your path and turn your back on a conventional way of living. You joined the brave band of entrepreneurs the moment you told yourself ‘I want more’. Starting up a business and sustaining it requires you to build and flex the muscle of courage regularly.
If you are starting your second or third career as an entrepreneur, it IS scary to suddenly realise that everything is down to you. When those whispers of self-doubt start at the back of your mind, it can be tempting to throw in the towel and revert to the familiar (How was THAT working for you?)
For others, and especially women, the issue of leading, being seen as a leader and standing out is very challenging after a lifetime of trying to fit in and conform.
You don’t serve anybody (and least of all yourself) by playing small. It’s time to think about what YOU want. It’s time to get cracking!
Dreams Don’t Work Unless You Do
So what do you want to achieve? Think of all the things that you have ever dreamed of doing or being. Don’t censor yourself. Have some fun with it by allowing your imagination to fly free. There are no limits unless you limit yourself.
Imagine how it feels to be that person who rises to the occasion and lives their life with integrity and fully aligned to their purpose – It feels great.
Don’t think you can do it? I am here to tell you ‘Yes you can!’.
All Our Dreams Can Come True If We Have the Courage to Pursue Them – Walt Disney
Let me share some techniques that you can practice regularly to give your inner warrior the strength and resolve to excel, expect more and elevate your life in every area. Let’s do this!
Your favourite sections of the podcast at these points in the recording so that you can listen again to reinforce your focus
Know your Why [02:49]
Confront Your Fears [03:44]
Trust Your Capabilities [06:56]
Embrace Uncertainty [08:45]
Think Big, Start Small [10:58]
Embody Your Inner Bravery [13:30]
Words to Live By
Action is the only antidote to fear.
Only when your desire for something transcends your desire for safety can you rise above the fears hardwired into you.
When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt. – Honoré de Balzac
A life half-lived is the ultimate tragedy.
You don’t have to see the whole staircase; take the first step. – Martin Luther King Jnr
What would I do if I were truly courageous?
When we shine a light on our fears and realise the actual cost of inaction, we loosen the grip fear has on our psyche.
Within you lies all of the courage you will ever need—to make that change or take that chance—in your work, relationships and life.
Nothing worthwhile is accomplished with a guarantee of success
If you find yourself overwhelmed by your dream, focus on what you can do in the next day or week.
One day, one hour, one daring act of courage at a time.
It’s far better to be moving forward slowly than to remain stagnant.
We all have the capacity for greatness within us.
Need more inspiration throughout your week? Don’t forget to check out more episodes on theCynspiration Podcast.
There are moments in our life when we hit a brick wall when we think we’ve tried every solution and still get nowhere. It is in those times that we need to step back and reassess.
In particular, we need to check three simple things:
Am I working or trying?
Is this the right work?
Am I look for real success?
Steve Greenhalgh, a life coach and guest on the Cynspirationpodcast, shared some hard-hitting, powerful truths about how we can answer the above three questions. Steve underwent an incredible physical and mental transformation into a powerful life coach on a mission. Because of that transformation, he encountered some practical insights that ultimately challenged his ideas about “hard work”.
The 3 Questions of Hard Work: Are the Answers to these Questions Blocking Your Success
The three questions above are based on that insight and can be used to help get unstuck when getting bad results while chasing success.
Let’s take a look at each question:
1. Am I working or trying? There is a big difference between “working” and “trying”, but our brains often mix those two concepts. For example, if two people must move a couch, but only one works while the other “tries”, who will complete the task? The one who does the work.
Quick Tip: Remove the word “try” from your library
2. Is this the right work?. Often, when we are pursuing a goal, we choose a strategy and start working. While this is the ideal way to reach your dreams, it’s essential to realise that your plan should adapt with you. Don’t stick to doing or thinking the same ideas without making sure your actions and thoughts are bringing you closer to your goals, you could end up repeating things that take you away from your goal.
Quick Tip: Follow your daily routine for 24 hours. Identify all of the actions that help move you closer to your current life’s goals.
3. Am I looking for the right success? It can be so tempting to choose an impressive goal for your success. It can be extremely motivating, not just for you but for others. There is a downside to working with that big goal; your reality may not match your goal. While the path to creating a goal is short, the path to completing that goal can take time.
A better approach is creating goals for the success you can achieve very soon.
Quick Tip: Review all of the significant goals last week. Look at the one that had the most failures and compare it to the initial goal you set.
Conclusion: Focus on small, unique, and valuable goals
While achieving success with an impressive goal is thrilling, it is only part of the story. The real work lies in small, unique, and valuable steps. Identifying what you want, defining a clear path, and adapting are the keys to success.
The problem lies in our perspective. Instead of focusing on our goals, we compare our success to others (which is even faster now with social media). This comparison makes us question our steps and wonder why we aren’t succeeding like the other person.
The key lies in letting that go.
By letting go and focusing on your small, unique, and worthwhile goals, you define the success you want to achieve. That is the kind of success that change people’s lives.
In this Cynspiration episode, Cynthia talks with Steve Greenhalgh (aka Stevie G), a coach who works with truckers and entrepreneurs in overcoming their negative thinking patterns and habits to live a life of gratitude with what they have so they can thrive.
Steve shares the story of his incredible weight transformation, powerful lessons on gratitude, and life-transforming wisdom on the power of every single person on the person to be happy while pursuing success.
Communicating with compassion vs being honest
Steve’s incredible weight loss transformation
Why Steve says gratitude is the most important thing a person can have
Why our gratitude needs to start close to home
The reason your “hard work” doesn’t lead to success
Dealing with self-sabotage
Figuring out the core “why” to conquer anyhow
Doing the hard work of sales and marketing
Why most of us chase fake “success” even though we want the real thing
What more people get wrong about Success
Finding inspiration in the simple things
[2:08] Kindness vs Honest: Is it better to be honest or kind?
[5:24] Steve’s EPIC weight loss transformation
[7:20] The one event that sparked Steve’s weight transformation
[8:02] Why you have to be happy first to be a success
[10:00] Steve’s mission
[15:48] What motivated Steve to change?
[17:00] How do you help others break out of repeating negative patterns and beliefs?
[19:18] Coach advice: How to tell if your client is really serious about change
[20:00] Linking “hard work” to results
[22:10] Building an online business
[22:42] Tracking sales
[24:17] Makes sales easy with one mindset shift
[25:58] Why do people lose momentum?
[32:00] What most people get wrong about success?
[38:08] Accepting your imperfections
Beautiful Quotes from this Episode
“I think honesty takes away the hiding places.”
“‘Physician, heal thyself’ is a phrase I use often.”
“You can get bitter or better.”
“If you have one too many mouthfuls over a month…At the end of that month, that’s a massive difference.”
“Gratitude is the single most important thing you can have in life.”
“When you know why, how becomes easy.”
“If you’re not getting the results, you’re not doing the work, or you’re lying to yourself about the work.”
“I’ve been saved for a reason.”
“…people that make early sales often fail because they think it’s easy.”
“If you made one sale, that’s luck. If you made two, you’re getting there. If you made three sales, rinse and repeat.”
“I think cumulative work is the true path to success because then it’s automatic.”
“Do you know why diamonds sparkle? Because they have imperfections.”
“When you are confident that being ‘you’ is enough, it’s when the sky’s the limit.”
About Our Guest
Steve Greenhall is a former trucker who worked in various industries when he realised that he hit a point where he had to change his life. He underwent a powerful weight loss transformation and became an inspirational coach for truck drivers and entrepreneurs.
When I started my business, I dreamed of a flexible schedule, a destiny I controlled and products that I co-created. I was so excited to be my boss.
What I didn’t realise was the number of decisions I would be making every day and what an impact they would have on the potential of the business, my health, and my overall life. Sometimes, it felt overwhelming. I often came home tired and not wanting to make another single decision.
Entrepreneurs are great at starting projects alone, but sometimes when we hit a bump in the road, we don’t know which way to turn. That’s when we need some help.
H-E-L-P is a four-letter word, both literally and emotionally.
Some of us, believing it’s a sign of failure, hesitate to ask anyone for advice or assistance. We worry that we might inconvenience a friend or overstep a professional relationship. Other times, we don’t want to appear weak or needy, but actually, it takes courage to reach out and acknowledge that sometimes, we can’t do it all
Entrepreneurship can be painful, and most business owners choose to do it alone. However, if you don’t ask for help, you deny your friends and colleagues the opportunity to assist you, which many of them would be delighted to do. Moreover, if you try to do everything and make every decision by yourself, you’ll stress out and burn out. It’s essential to use the network you’ve built when you need it.
When I look back, there are a few things I wish I had thought about:
Acknowledge your need.
The higher the need, the more hesitancy most people feel before asking for help. We don’t like to think that we are burdening others with things that we find tedious. Eliminate any hesitations you have. Your need doesn’t make you weak.
Just because you could do it alone doesn’t mean you should. It’s unhealthy (and unproductive) to tough it out.
For example, writing a book is an endeavour most people are afraid to tackle because they don’t know how or where to start. Why not seek the advice of a writing coach who holds you accountable and helps you become a better writer. This person will keep you on track and helps you reach my goals.
Ask for Help.
Not everyone dares to start a business. Most people don’t. But they are in awe of you, and they want to help you. Let them. Think about what you need and who can provide it for you.
Some of the most successful entrepreneurs admit that they could not have done it alone. So, don’t be shy. Ask for precisely what you need, when you need it and how you need it done. People want to help, but they need to know what you need to be helpful.
So tell them.
Discover new Business Opportunities.
The next time you ask for help, you may discover a great, unintended consequence. Business needs often lead to new opportunities through collaboration.
Let’s say you’d like to host a webinar, but your audience is small, and you aren’t sure if your idea is worth the cost and effort. Instead of trying to do it yourself, contact someone in your network who holds webinars frequently and who has a good reputation and a substantial following.
Through collaboration, you’re more apt to build that relationship and get exposure and experience. It never hurts to reach out and see what happens. The answer is always “no” if you don’t ask.
Learn to Take Advice.
Asking for help is hard enough, but taking someone’s advice can be an even harder challenge. That’s when the ego comes into play. After all, it is your business, your baby and you know best right? Some new entrepreneurs feel defensive when they receive guidance from more experienced professionals, especially if it’s unsolicited.
Don’t allow your ego to blind you to the gaps in your know-how. That attitude is a quick path toward failure. Those who care about your success will want to save you from experiencing the (typically costly) mistakes they made early in their careers. Most advice is offered from a well-meaning perspective, so accept it with gratitude and grace.
Listen when others give you information, then decide later if you want to take their advice.
Create your Support Network.
During turbulent times, a strong support network can help you prevail. At some point along your business journey, you’ll need the support of other professionals. You might need a recommendation for website design or some advice on how to assemble a board of directors for your new business.
Reach out to other entrepreneurs and create your network. Share what you have learnt with them, and they will be energised to share with you. When you need thoughts, ideas or inspiration, flag it up to your network and watch them come to your aid!
You Don’t Have to Be Alone.
Being at the helm of a small business can be lonely as the buck stops with you alone yet, running your own business is one of the most exciting and challenging adventures you will embark upon. Set yourself up so that you don’t feel alone. I am lucky enough to have a fantastic community that has my back.
From all walks of life, this fantastic tribe provides me with new product ideas, training, marketing suggestions, product names, and so much more.
The best advice I have ever received came from those entrepreneurs. They provide me with insights from fresh experience ideas and creative energy.
The more key connections you have, the more likely they’ll take the time to help you. Reach out, build relationships, join professional organisations, serve on boards, volunteer your time or take colleagues to lunch. Many people will want to help you. Ask them for what you need.
Not only will you be building business relationships but friendships with other self-starting people, communicating passions and connecting with others who share those passions.
Surrender your need for control, take a deep breath and turn your weakness into a strength by asking for help.
Finish one race? Someone asks “When is your next one?” Have a good project launch? The media is already asking “What’s next for you?”
While consistently chasing higher goals is the way we grow, it can also lead to burnout and overwhelm. Eventually, we will hit a point where you’ll get tired of “chasing the higher income” goal or “hit the next fitness: milestone.
What do you do then?
Dan Holloway reached the point where he was tired of chasing the goal. After struggling and sacrificing, his business had become a success. He was making money he always wanted and living the life he could only dream about.
Yet, he wasn’t fulfilled. He wasn’t happy.
Fixing the Story: What Happens After the “Success Story”
A lot of us would like to have the problem Dan had. Sure, we’d all like to have the problem of having a big bank account, travelling around the world, and own a multi-figure business. We’d like to get the media attention, fame, and all the opportunities that come with it.
But, as Dan Holloway, no one is after that success story. No one is after that business hit that income goal or the magazine articles find the next “hot entrepreneur” to write about.
No one is there when we reach the peak.
We tell ourselves that things will get better once we reach “after”. No one is there to tell us what to do once we reach a goal, yet the way we deal with one success is critical to the future.
Reframing the Story: The Cinderella Story Behind Success
There is a story that is painted about success. You might call it the “Cinderella Success Syndrome”. In that story, everything is permanently beautiful “after” the sacrifice.
Once we land that big-name client, things will be easy. Once we get that promotion, it will be easier to get the money. Once we get more sales, we won’t have to fight as hard.
These stories we tell ourselves are what drive us to work late nights and early mornings, to stay on the job when no one else is there.
The truth is, success is not a destination. It is a stopping point in our journey.
Throughout your life, you will have experiences that you (or others) call “success” or “failures.” These are moments, they are not destinations.
Yet, our brains hold onto these moments as “destinations”.
When these “destinations” are gone, we have to deal with the next moment.
Unravelling the “Perfect’ Success Story: Why Success Isn’t What We Think It is
In the chase of success as a “destination”, we lose sight of the fact that success is a moment we prepare for. We aren’t given success, we become successful. We earn it. We become it.
The stories we believe about success impact what we do with it. If we think success is just a “moment”, we will miss the point. We won’t appreciate the journey getting to the successful moment. We won’t focus on the big “WHY”. We won’t become a success.
Ignoring the journey or our “big WHY” is a recipe for burnout. If we don’t pursue success as a journey, we will treat it as a sprint, exhausting our body and mind to get to the finish line. If we don’t understand our “big WHY” we will wonder why we are working so hard in the first place.
A Better Approach: Chase Fulfillment You Will Create Success No Matter What
So what’s the takeaway here? It’s not to reject success or the gifts it brings, but to recognize a deeper meaning behind success. Instead of focusing exclusively on the momentary feeling of success, we should also focus on the process of becoming. We should take time to focus on why we are doing what we are doing.
Our focus should be on fulfilment, on doing things that move us closer to our life’s goals.
Understand that no matter what success you are chasing, you are telling yourself about that story. If that story is only focused on the moment, you will not be fulfilled when the moment is gone. If that story is focused on the journey, you can feel accomplished while you’re chasing the moment of success.
The key lies in fulfilment.
So, What the Heck is this “Fulfilment” Thing? How Does it Work
Fulfilment, in terms of success, is focusing on what you want, why you want it, and what you will do to get it. Instead of blindly chasing a vague goal of “getting more money” or a higher-sounding title, it’s taking the time to sit down and figure out precisely what you want and why.
Once you have that specific goal and why choose your “how”. Selecting a “how” is essential because you are given the flexibility to change your “how” if needed. For example, if you need to 10 sales calls each day to reach your sales goals, but realize that you’re not getting any response, you might consider changing your strategy.
Regardless of what your goal is why you’re doing it or how you plan on reaching it, fulfilment is a more powerful tool than success because of the work.
In the process of choosing (and adapting) your why, how, and what, you are growing. In the process of making those sales calls, you are learning. In the process of hearing those “No’s”, you’ll get closer to figuring out who will say “Yes ” in the future. In the process of working out, your body learns how to grow muscle.
That is what you are looking for, growing while pursuing success.
By focusing on that growth, no matter what goal you hit (or don’t hit), you will be a stronger person than you were before you started.
Tempted to Quit or Ready to Commit? – Toss the Top Ten Reasons for Quitting into the Trash!
Should I call it quits? It is the question that every aspiring entrepreneur asks themselves at some point. It is rooted in the deepest of anxieties. It is symptomatic of toxic thinking that cheats people out of the hope and possibilities they have to become master of their destiny.
But there’s only one reason you should ever quit. Before I get to that, I am going to list off all the insidious, self-sabotaging reasons that cause entrepreneurs to give up on their dreams.
There are ten far too common reasons that entrepreneurs use to give up on good business ideas prematurely. Let’s look at them a little more closely and hold them up to the light for a proper examination.
Expecting Fast Results
Aristotle said: ‘Patience is bitter, but its fruits are sweet’. There is nothing of lasting, concrete value that has been created by an entrepreneur that didn’t require significant patience.
If you started out as an entrepreneur expecting overnight success, the only thing you need to give up is that expectation itself. Stick around. Play the long game.
Losing the Faith
They say that it is mandatory that a great salesperson believes in three things: The product they’re selling. The company that sells it and themselves.
They have to believe in their abilities as a salesperson to do the selling.
Being a salesperson is much easier than being an entrepreneur. When you start as an entrepreneur, you don’t have a product or a company to believe in. That only leaves you.
Every entrepreneur is figuring it out as they go. When we start, we don’t have much of an idea of what it is going to take – or the capabilities we need – so we develop them along the way.
Self-belief is your greatest asset. We aren’t talking about grandiose, overblown ideas of yourself and your abilities but a quiet acknowledgement that you have what it takes, the humility to know that you will stumble and fall but also that you can keep on keeping on. Everyone else who has succeeded before you felt it too, but they continued anyway. It’s the continuing that guarantees a big win. Keep the faith in your ideas and your talents.
Missing the wave
Entrepreneurship is all about dancing on the cutting edge.
Why is it that young people are so drawn to the entrepreneurial world? It’s simple: The cutting edge is where they grow up, they don’t know any other way to be.
Age is irrelevant if you want to be an entrepreneur; you have to stay future-focused. The most successful businesses capitalize on emerging trends. The most successful entrepreneurs are always looking at the pointy end of innovations. They utilize that edge to get an advantage in the marketplace. Like a surfer scanning the ocean to identify a wave, you too need to stay open to upcoming developments in your field so that you can catch the wave and ride it!
Never allow yourself to quit because you can’t keep up. The thing about being cutting edge is that you qualify yourself to be there just by going there.
Dwelling on mistakes
Got burnt by a partnership gone sour? A falling out with investors? A deal falling through?
Are you beating yourself up because you made a mistake or took a wrong turn?
Get over it!
If you don’t, your baggage will prevent you from succeeding in the future. Your backwards-looking fascination with “figuring out what went wrong” will scare you from trying again.
Entrepreneurship requires crazy levels of optimism, which means that you have to reframe your past mistakes into learning experiences. Regrets are simply the past crippling us in the present. It happened, and we can’t change the past, but we can learn from it.
You haven’t really “had a big learning experience” until you’ve incorporated your hard-won wisdom into a new plan of action, skill set or way of managing relationships. Your mistakes are the foundations of the learning curve on which your future success is built.
Fear of the future
Do you feel anxious about some future, imagined failure? Worried about how you will handle success? Anticipatory anxiety is the anxiety experienced when a person thinks about some event in the future. It takes the fear and allows it to invade in your perception of the future. It is worrying about things that haven’t happened, and may never happen. It’s the game of “What if?”
People give up because they’re anxious and afraid of things – both bad AND good – that might happen. They don’t feel prepared to face those things.
If you’re feeling anxious, you forget something crucial: It won’t be YOU who faces anything. It’ll be your future self. And the cool thing about your future self is that it’s wiser, more experienced and more resilient than you are now.
Change is a constant in life
The entrepreneur who expects the market to stay the same is in for a lot of disappointment!
Your customer’s wants and needs will change and evolve. Your team will do the same. Politics. Fashion. Economics. It is all continually shifting.
Some entrepreneurs give up because they’ve been left behind. The real issue was that they believed they were operating in a fixed, reliable world. By building a company that relies on an unchanging environment, they doomed themselves to failure, they even started.
Be flexible and nimble instead.
A Sense of Entitlement
The world does not owe you a living!
A sense of entitlement and the inevitable disappointment it brings is a disaster for business owners and in fact, for anyone!
When an entrepreneur puts vast amounts of time and energy into a lousy business idea, they sometimes develop a (false) belief that they’ve paid their dues.
They believe that now, the world owes them something.
Unfortunately, there are no prizes for hard work alone. Your pain and struggle mean nothing to the marketplace. Execution is everything, but only when you’re clear on how to create value.
Quitting because of bitterness or feeling victimized by the world is the easy way out. What’s harder is leaning in. Leaning in to figure out what it was about your efforts that failed to create value for others. Those who give up will never discover the answer.
Fearing Failure more than Desiring Success
This isn’t just a reason why many entrepreneurs give up. It’s a reason a ton of people with incredible potential never even begin in the first place. The fear of failure is listening to the lizard brain. Hide under this rock. Don’t poke your head out. Don’t risk what you’ve got, because the loss is a disaster.
Unfortunately, the human brain is wired to have a bias toward loss aversion. It’s been proven that everyone will work 10x harder to get back $1000 that was stolen from them, versus working to earn a fresh $1000 from scratch.
Think about that for a moment.
Fear of failure paralyzes entrepreneurs. It makes giving up feel like a relief. Business is inherently risky, and no entrepreneur succeeds by avoiding all the risks. They succeed because of their increase their resilience – their capacity for risk tolerance.
So you worked yourself to death or close to it. Now what?
Entrepreneurs who quit because of burnout have made an idiotic mistake: They’ve told themselves the fiction that what matters is the hours that they clock at their desk.
And yet, Bill Gates isn’t worth hundreds of thousands of multiples more than you BECAUSE he worked hundreds of thousands of times more hours than you did.
Of course, he clocked some long hours in the early days at Microsoft, but he also probably spent more time reading than you ever had.
Having to quit because you’ve overworked yourself is having to stop because you haven’t figured out how value is created not only for others but for yourself. You ARE your primary product. Don’t you think you need to do everything possible to ensure that you aren’t just working hard but working smart?
Long hours do not automatically equal success. All that happens is that you become a cog in your machine except that nobody is applying any grease and over time, you get more worn down, less able to cope, and you blunt your instruments.
It also has repercussions in your relationships, you need your family and friends, but they can’t be there for you if you are too busy burning the midnight oil to even notice them!
Take a holiday. Your brain and your body need to feel rested to perform at optimal levels. Come back refreshed and then get back in and figure it out. Don’t give up.
But My Problems are Unique.
Entrepreneurs derive a lot of self-satisfaction at the thought that their business is a brand-new, never-been-seen-before idea. This leads to the kind of thinking that says, for example, ‘Other people don’t understand our staffing issues, we’re a unique business’.
Cashflow obstacles. Legal obstacles. Delegation obstacles. Customer support. Marketing. Security. There are lots of obstacles.
Your product might be special and unique. Let’s hope so! But you’re not reinventing commerce. You’re not even reinventing leadership. Your obstacles are not uncommon.
Entrepreneurs who get lost in the belief of their company’s “specialness” don’t take advantage of the wealth of support and wisdom available within the entrepreneur community. They believe no one else understands.
Then, they give up because they hit some problem they see as unique and insurmountable… when actually, the answer was just a phone call away if they had the humility to dial the numbers.
What to Drop and What to Carry with You
The one thing entrepreneurs SHOULD give up on… is a negative and/or closed mindset.
That’s right. It’s dead weight. Drop it!
I outlined a simple framework to help you identify those times and modalities that are keeping you stuck and to help you understand that there is always room to manoeuvre, time to re-calibrate, ways to reach out.
The one thing you should never give up on is the game of entrepreneurship itself.
Carry that with you. It can be transported to different places, flourish in different environments. It is a pledge that you have made to yourself, to learn, to push the boundaries and to create value in the world. It is a remarkable undertaking because to do that you must create a vehicle, your business, for that value creation to become larger than yourself.
Ideas come and go. Every successful entrepreneur has seen plans fail. That’s all part of the journey. Keep that flame within you burning bright and allow it to light your way even when your monkey mind is casting shadows and doubt. Hold on to the promise that you made to yourself and your future when you accepted your mission to become an entrepreneur.
To aspire to be an entrepreneur is to be on the path of unlimited learning, growth, and potential.
To give up on entrepreneurship itself is to give up on that path of incredible value creation for yourself and your business.
Storms Don’t Last Forever.
When you feel like quitting, stop and think about the reasons why you started this journey. It might not always be easy, but it will be worth it. You are worth it. Your business is worth it.
Are you hiding? Is the real you in there somewhere? The you who has the right to be happy, create your lifestyle and build a business that suits your needs and lifestyle? Well, time for us to stop playing ‘hide and seek’ because, in this episode of Cynspiration, we are going to fast forward counting to ten and shout ‘Found you!’
Karena Thomas is here to share what it means to give yourself permission to strive for you that is happier and more at peace with yourself and the choices you make.
With self-deprecating Aussie humour and gusto, Karena explains that she started as an actor after studying at drama school. Karena liked to make people laugh. She loved the connections she made with her audience, but she hated the shallow and ultra-competitive nature of the industry, not to mention the drudge jobs that all jobbing actors end up doing to pay the bills.
Doing a complete 180-degree turn, Karena left her thespian roots behind to take up steady employment at a large organisation. Sure, she enjoyed the regular money and had great colleagues, but she hated the bureaucracy and rigid structure. She needed to find a way to gain skills and give herself the freedom to create a way of life that meant she wasn’t tied to a salary or way of working that didn’t fit her ideals.
En route, she also gained a whole lot of insight and perspective that has helped her re-frame her life, reconnect to her spirit and show you that you can too!
The Hamster Wheel of Life
Like many people, Karena has endured her share of failures, hurts and not feeling as though she was enough or that she had enough. It hurts to feel as though there is a deficit inside us and to try to avoid these feelings; many people get stuck on the “hamster wheel” of life. An endless cycle of work, responsibilities and obligations. Seldom do they pause to reflect about who they are or why they do what they do? The lack of deeper meaning or connection to their work and life roles causes them to shift into autopilot, living in a state of unconsciousness and stagnation.
Karena explains that we spend our time wanting to feel safe, and we take the actions that we think will give us what we want. So we stick with that job that we hate because it pays the bills and enables us to have an enjoyable holiday once a year. We will cling to that relationship that we know isn’t working because we are scared to be alone or our lives have become so entwined it will take a massive effort to separate. We will continue to put a brave face on hurtful actions by others because we want to feel accepted.
The common denominator in these scenarios is that they require us to hide our true feelings and needs in order to feel ‘safe’ and project the image that we are doing well.
Karena says ‘We have 24 hours in a day and you spend half of that time hoping that something doesn’t happen or wishing that something would happen. That stops you from being present’. It leads us to move from one decision to another doing anything we can to feel safe, but we forget ourselves and move further away from our real needs in the process.
Keeping it Real
We all think that we don’t have much to bring to the table. Women especially suffer from the habit of downplaying their skills and achievements because we feel that our soft power skills are not valued in the wider world. What we often don’t acknowledge is how much those skills contribute to making the world a better place or the bravery we demonstrate when we expose our weak spots and vulnerabilities to others.
Every relationship, whether personal or business, can be revitalised by re-engaging with authenticity, compassion, empathy and vulnerability.
When you remove your mask, you allow others to remove theirs too. You grant each other to occupy a space without judgment fully, and this has a remarkable knock-on effect in terms of relating better to each other. By showing that you have experienced or are experiencing difficulties but are/were prepared to accept the outcome no matter if unfavourable because ‘Hey, you’ve got this!’ is a tremendous confidence builder for you and others.
They will look at you, learn and feel empowered to make choices and decisions they were afraid to make. That is what leaders do; they give others the confidence tools and space to learn and step out into new experiences by modelling the behaviour themselves. You are of the highest service to those you love when you are happy and well and you reach this state by being authentic not only with others but with yourself.
The world wants you to be joyous. Everyone who cares about you wants you to succeed. Your thoughts are what is limiting you, so how do you go about doing this?
We have nearly all come across the phenomenon that is Marie Kondo, the Japanese decluttering expert whose mantra is ‘Spark Joy!’ through her books or her series on Netflix. Her process is simple; she goes into the houses of people who are overwhelmed by clutter and asks them to go through their items, holding each one and asking if it sparks joy.
If the answer is no, then the item is either thrown away or passed onto someone it might benefit. If the answer is yes, then you get to keep it! So what do YOU need to keep hold of or release?
Ask yourself, What would I do if I were not afraid? What would I change? Are there some risks I am prepared to take to make the changes I want? (the fear of rejection is ego-based and limiting.) Are you giving yourself time to express your innate joy by singing, dancing, drawing and being creative in some way?
Are you starting to rely more on your intuition and less on your mind to guide you? Are you ready to let go of patterns and relationships that no longer serve you? Are you caring for yourself with great love by choosing good food, taking gentle exercise, exposing yourself to uplifting music or books or meditation, getting enough sleep, etc.? Are you allowing your mind to escape the shackles of conditioning and ego so that you can live free of judgement and exercise some self-compassion?
Life is a Game So Play it Well.
Those who seek shall always find. No need to stand and count to ten while covering your eyes, no need to hide in dark corners waiting for someone to see you. You were there to be discovered all along!
There are many ways that we can live a better, kinder, more meaningful life and that in turn has ripples that will expand outwards to touch those around us who in turn can be inspired and change their thoughts and behaviours. Those little ripples that you think barely disturb the surface expand out to join the collective experience and can turn into a tidal wave of positive change, whether in our relationships, careers, businesses or creative endeavours.
Karena explains that it takes effort to live authentically and to remember, we are all works in progress. It can be difficult at first to let down those walls that you thought were protecting you. They were, in fact, only limiting you and your connections with others so use those experiences to be a beacon of light for others and never forget how powerful sharing can be.
Karena’s podcast ‘The Most Human Podcast’ shares brave stories from real people to help encourage us to live more freely and to shake off those feelings of heaviness or shame that weigh us down and stop us from moving forward. You are always an example to someone, somewhere and your story can always inspire someone, somewhere.
So, strive each day to live consciously. You will reap huge rewards and blessings as you watch the unfolding of your best life in every area.
“Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.” Buddha
The Magic of Not Giving a F*ck of What People Think
We’re all guilty. From the moment we wake up, we live our lives caring about what other people think of us.
We accept the status quo for what it is because everyone around us does. We tiptoe our way through life by doing things to please others.
Eventually, our actions, appearances, and lives become moulded by how we think other people perceive us. How are these pants going to make me look? What will my colleagues think if I spoke out? If I take this job, what will my friends and family think of me?
Reading that paragraph alone gave me a headache. It’s exhausting, and it has to stop.
Living a life that follows the notions of what other people think is a terrible way to live. It turns you into a spectator in your own life, who waits for other people to take action first. It turns you into a follower. Worst of all, it makes you become someone who doesn’t take a stand for anything.
Today is the last day we live a life dictated by others. Today, we’re going to get to the bottom of this people pleasing and the constraints it places upon your life. Today is the day we stop giving a [email protected]$%.
You often worry family or friends might not approve of something; people are talking about you.
No One Cares
Believe it or not, we’re not that special. We go through our days thinking about how other people might be judging us. But the truth is—those people are feeling the same thing. No one in today’s “smartphone-crazed” society has time in their schedule to think more than a brief second about us. The fact of the matter is, when we do have time get our thoughts straight, we’re too busy thinking about ourselves and our shortcomings—not others.
A study done by the National Science Foundation claims that people have, on average, 50,000 plus thoughts a day.
It means that even if someone thought about us ten times in one day, it’s only 0.02% of their overall daily thoughts. It is a sad but simple truth that the average person filters their world through their ego, meaning that they think of most things relating to “me” or “my.”
So unless you have done something that directly affects another person or their life, they are not going to spend much time thinking about you at all.
I’ve always enjoyed watching performers trying to hustle for some change at train stations. These guys don’t give a flying [email protected]$%.
But the more interesting observation I made is how the spectators react. Rather than watching the actual performers, most people are looking around to see how other people are reacting. If people were laughing, they would start laughing too. But if people weren’t paying attention, they would also pay no mind.
Even when provided with the blatantly obvious opportunity to judge someone, people are still thinking about how others may perceive them. Once you understand that this is how people’s minds work, it’s a big step towards freedom.
You Can’t Please Everyone.
It’s impossible to live up to everyone’s expectations. There will always be people—no matter what we say or how we treat them—that will judge us. Whether you’re at the gym, at work, taking the train, or even online playing Call of Duty. Even now it’s happening. You will never be able to stop people from judging you, but you can prevent it from affecting you.
Stop Being a People Pleaser
If you’ve always felt a compulsion to meet everyone else’s needs before your own.
Think about the worst thing that could happen when someone is judging you or what you’re doing. I guarantee that chances are—nothing will happen.
Nothing, no one is going to go out of their busy lives to confront us, or even react for that matter. Because as I mentioned before, no one cares. What will happen is that these people will learn to respect you for claiming your ground. They may disagree with you, but they’ll have to respect you and the stance you have taken.
Start standing up for what you believe in—causes, opinions, anything. You’re going to have people that disagree with you anyway, so why not express how you truly feel? I’ve learned that it’s better to be loved by the few people you care about than to be liked by everyone.
These are family, friends, your spouse—the people who love you for who you are, and the people who will be there for you during your worst times.
Focus on these people. They’re the only people that matter.
You Reap What You Sow
Worrying too much about what other people think can become a self-fulfilling prophecy because the way we think starts to become the way we behave.
These individuals become people-pleasers and are overly accommodating to others, thinking it will stop them from being judged. The opposite is true. Most people don’t like push-overs and are turned off by it. The behaviour we use in an attempt to please others can cause the opposing effect.
If you’re a push-over, then you’re going to be attracting push-overs, and vice versa.
This a dangerous path to go down if you don’t recognize its consequences.
When we start to attract and associate with the same people that share our weaknesses —we’re stuck. We stop growing because there’s no one to challenge us to be better.
We start thinking that this is the norm, and we remain comfortable.
Now, let’s talk about the cure. Here are five ways to stop giving a [email protected]$%.
Reclaiming Your Freedom
Know Your Values
First and foremost. Identify what to you in life, what do you truly value, and what are you ultimately aiming for?
Once you know who you are, and what matters to you, what other people think of you becomes significantly less important. When you know your values, you’ll have something to stand up for —something you believe in.
You’ll stop saying yes to everything. Instead, you’ll learn to say no when friends pressure you to go bar-hopping, or when a tempting business opportunity distracts you from your business. When you have your values straight, Everything else will straighten up too!
Put Yourself Out There
Now that you know what your values are, it’s time to put yourself out there.
Here are a few suggestions:
Wear a style or colour that you would never normally choose in a million years!
Flirting/Asking someone out
Keep in mind that when you’re doing any of these activities, you have to speak your mind. Start small if you have to and build up to new challenges until you feel comfortable but be ready to stand your ground with integrity and quiet strength if someone else questions your choices.
Surround Yourself with Pros
Surround yourself with self-assured people who live life without compromising their core values. Their habit will rub off on you quickly.
One of my best friends has been a significant influence on me. Having spent the summer with him, I’ve observed countless times where he voiced his opinion on controversial topics. What I learned was that he was voicing opinions that most people already had in their heads, but were too afraid to voice.
People admired him for being so honest and direct, even when they disagreed with his views. Thanks for not giving a [email protected]$%, buddy.
Create a “Growth List”
A Growth List compiles all the things in life that makes you uncomfortable. These are fears, insecurities—anything that gives you the jitters. Here’s how it works.
You start by writing them then one-by-one, you do them. Once you complete the task, you move on to the next.
Rinse and Repeat.
My first growth task was taking a cold shower. I turned the water as cold as it could get, and I could feel my body shake before I even entered the shower.
The inner voice in my head was talking. It was hard at first. But surprisingly, it got more comfortable the second time. Then even easier the third time. Before I knew it, my body stopped shaking—I was no longer uncomfortable; I’d conquered my fear.
This exercise works wonders. I have yet to find a better way to get out of my comfort zone. You can read all the books in the world about being confident or getting over your fears, but if you don’t take action, you’re just someone who’s read how to ride a bicycle without ever having ridden one.
If you’re looking for an ultimate transformation that combines all of the points above, you should travel alone. Travelling with other people can be fun, but you won’t get the opportunity to get out of your comfort zone truly.
You’ll be exposed to different social cultures, break social norms that you didn’t even know existed, and ultimately, be forced to burst out of your small bubble.
Bring as little as possible, and fit everything into one backpack or small suitcase.
Plan nothing, except for a one-way flight ticket to your destination—figure everything else out when you’re there.
Trust me; you’ll be just fine. It won’t be easy initially, but don’t get discouraged. Being comfortable with uncomfortable will grow with time. I continue to struggle with it every day, as do many others. But you need to get started today.
The world is already full of people who obey the status quo. But the people who don’t give a [email protected]$% are the ones that change the world.
Be one of those people.
Start living life the way you want, be fearless like you once were as a child, and always, always stand up for your truth.
Startups Challenges – Entrepreneurs face many challenges in today’s ultra-competitive business world. Fortunately, recent times have also blessed entrepreneurs with more resources for tackling those problems than ever before.
Not an accountant? Not a problem.
In this episode, I will discuss the top challenges faced by entrepreneurs today, defines why each problem exists, and offers solutions so you can operate an efficient and successful business.
Cash flow management
Cash flow is essential to small business survival, yet many entrepreneurs struggle to pay the bills (let alone themselves) while they’re waiting for checks to arrive. Part of the problem stems from delayed invoicing, which is common in the entrepreneurial world.
You perform a job, send an invoice, then get paid (hopefully) 30 days later. In the meantime, you have to pay for everything from your employees or contractors to your mortgage to your grocery bill. Waiting to get paid can make it challenging to get by — and when a customer doesn’t pay, you can risk everything.
Proper budgeting and planning are critical to maintaining cash flow, but even these won’t always save you from stressing over bills. One way to improve cash flow is to require a down payment for your products and services.
Your down payment should cover all expenses associated with a given project or sale as well as some profit for you. By requiring a down payment, you can at least rest assured you won’t be left paying others’ bills; by padding the down payment with some profit, you can pay your own.
Another strategy for improving cash flow is to require faster invoice payments. Invoice your clients within 15 days, which is half the typical invoice period. This means if a customer is late with a payment, you have two weeks to address it and get paid before the next month’s bills are due.
ore and more companies are requiring immediate payment upon project completion — and in our digital age when customers can pay invoices right from their mobile phones, it’s not a stretch to request immediate payment.
You can also address cash flow management from the other side of the equation by asking your own vendors to invoice you at 45, 60 or even 90 days to allow ample time for your payments to arrive and checks to clear.
If you can establish a good relationship with vendors and are they’ll be willing to work with you once you explain your strategy.
And if you’re looking for an easier way to pay bills and save money, consider sending checks via email.
Do you know who dreads job interviews the most? It’s not prospective candidates — it’s entrepreneurs.
The hiring process can take several days of your time: reviewing resumes, sitting through interviews, sifting through so many unqualified candidates to find the diamonds in the rough. Then, you only hope you can offer an attractive package to get the best people on board and retain them.
Far too many help wanted ads are incredibly vague in terms of what qualifications candidates must have, what the job duties are, what days and hours will be worked, and what wages and benefits will be paid.
You can save yourself a ton of time by pre-qualifying candidates through exclusive help wanted ads that are ultra-specific in what it takes to be hired at your firm, as well as what the day-to-day work entails.
Approach your employee hunt the same way you would approach a customer-centric marketing campaign: through excellent targeting.
Once you have a pool of prospects, arrange for a “walking interview” in which you take candidates on a tour of their working environments. Ask questions relevant to the job and candidates’ experiences, expectations, dedication, and long-term goals.
Don’t act like an overlord determining which minion gets to live another day; instead, behave as though you’re seeking a partner to help you operate and grow your business.
Take the time to seek real references: not the neighbour lady your candidates grew up with, but people who can honestly attest to their work ethic and potential.
Once you’ve picked a candidate and before you’ve made a job offer, ask them specifically what it will take to keep them employed with you for the long haul. Tell them to be honest with their expectations.
Provided they do a good job for you, you’ll know what kind of rewards they’re seeking, and you can make adjustments accordingly: Do they want more vacation? The opportunity for advancement? More pay? Freedom from micromanagement?
This isn’t to say you have to bend backwards for your employees; however, it stands to reason that if you make expectations clear for both parties you can lay the foundation for a long-term, mutually-rewarding client-boss relationship.
Time management might be the biggest problem faced by entrepreneurs, who wear many (and all) hats. If you only had more time, you could accomplish so much more!
Make time. Like money, it doesn’t grow on trees, of course, so you have to be smart about how you’re spending it.
Create goal lists: You should have a list of lifetime goals, broken down into annual goals, broken down into monthly goals, then broken down into weekly goals. Your weekly goals then will be broken down into specific tasks by day.
In this manner, what is on your task list in any given day is all you need to do to stay on track with your lifetime goals
If any tasks do not align with your goals, eliminate them
If any tasks do not have to be completed by you, delegate them
Consistently ask yourself: “Is what I’m doing right now the absolute best use of my time?”
You know you need to delegate or outsource tasks, but it seems every time you do something gets messed up, and you have to redo it anyway.
Find good employees (see above) and good outsourced contract help, for starters (Fiverr or Upwork are great sites to find freelancers). You might have to pay a little more for it, but the savings in time (and the resulting earning potential) more than makes up for it.
Next, be ultra-specific it will take a little more time at first, but write down detailed steps listing what you want your help to do.
Don’t make assumptions, and don’t assume your help will be able to think for themselves (they can, but they will complete the job verbatim because that’s what they’re trained to do).
So, don’t say “list stats in a spreadsheet” when you can say “alphabetically list XYZ in the right spreadsheet column, then list statistic A in the next column.” It might seem like overkill, but take the time to be specific once, and your help will get it right every time after that.
Choosing what to sell
You know you could make a mint if you just knew what products and services to sell. You’re just unsure how to pick a niche.
Admit that you’re weak in identifying profit-making niches, and delegate the task to someone competent in this area.
You don’t need to hire a large, expensive marketing firm; instead, recruit a freelance researcher who has experience in whatever type of field you’re considering entering (retail e-commerce, service industry, publishing, etc.). Have them conduct market research and create a report with suggested niches, backed by potential profit margins and complete SWOT analysis: Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats.
This isn’t to say you should have someone else decide for you; however, if you’re not good at identifying niches, it’s a good idea to have someone who is making suggestions. You can then analyse the proposals for yourself to determine if you agree. Taking this step now can save you a lot of time, money and hassles later — and it can save your entire business and livelihood.
You don’t know the best way to market your products and services: print, online, mobile, advertising, etc. You want to maximise your return on investment with efficient, targeted marketing that gets results.
Again, if you’re not adept at creating marketing plans and placing ads, it’s a good idea to outsource your marketing strategy to someone who is. At this point, all you need is a core marketing plan: what marketing activities will you undertake to motivate purchases? Give your planner a budget and tell them to craft a plan that efficiently uses that budget to produce profits.
This is not the time for experimentation. You can do that later, on your own or with the advice of your marketing strategist, after you’ve established a baseline that works.
You want to start or grow your business, but you don’t have much capital to do it with.
There are many ways to get funding, from traditional bank loans to family and friends to crowdfunding campaigns. You can choose these routes, yes, but I prefer the self-fuelled growth model in which you fund your business endeavours.
Instead of trying to launch a multi-million dollar corporation overnight, focus on your initial core customers. Continually work to find new customers, of course, but consistently strive to be remarkable to those customers you already serve.
Word-of-mouth will spread, and more customers will come looking for you. As they do, develop systems and business processes that allow you to delegate tasks without sacrificing quality. Your business will grow slow and steady, and you’ll be able to solve problems while they’re small.
Think about where you want to be five years from now. Can you get there without help, even if you have to delay growth a bit while you’re doing it?
This is the best strategy to adopt for small business entrepreneurs. If you do feel you need funding, however, be sure to consult an attorney to make sure you’re not giving up too much of your business to get it.
Even though cash flow is fine, it seems you never have enough in your budget to market your company to its full potential.
Unless you’re one of the Fortune 500 (and even if you are), every entrepreneur struggles with their budget. The key is to prioritise your marketing efforts with efficiency in mind — spend your money where it works — and reserve the rest for operating expenses and experimenting with other marketing methods.
Keep a close eye on your money, too: chances are, there are areas you can skim to free up more funds. Unless an expense is critical to your business and represents an investment with an expected return, cut it. Do this exercise: See how lean you can run your business.
You don’t have to do it, but cut everything you can and see if you still feel you can run your business (save for what you have to delegate and market with). Somewhere in between your leanest figure and your current budget is a sweet spot that will allow you to be just as effective and leave funds leftover to fuel growth.
We are assuming you are growing, not that you can’t grow, and you’ve come to the point at which you can’t take on any more work in your current structure.
Create new processes that focus on task delegation. Many entrepreneurs, used to wearing all the hats, find themselves in this position once they’ve achieved a modicum of success. Because you’re doing everything, your growth halts to a stop when it hits a self-imposed ceiling. The only way to break through is to delegate tasks to others to take yourself out of the production end, and segue into management and, finally, pure ownership.
An entrepreneur’s life is tough, at least in the beginning. It’s easy to get discouraged when something goes wrong or when you’re not growing as fast as you’d like. Self-doubt creeps in, and you feel like giving up.
Being able to overcome self-doubt is a necessary trait for entrepreneurs.
Having a good support system will help family and friends who know your goals and support your plight, as well as an advisory board of other entrepreneurs who can give objective opinions and suggestions as to the direction of your business.
One of the best ways to deal with self-doubt is to work on your goals and tasks lists.
When you’re down and lack motivation, look at your lists and know that the tasks you do today are contributing to your life goals. By doing them, you’re one step closer, and you can rest assured that you are, indeed, on the path to business success.
Entrepreneurs face many challenges, and volumes have been written about how to overcome them. Perseverance and intelligence are your allies; use them to your advantage to keep working toward your goals. Understand that you’re not the first to struggle.
Because of that, there are many resources available to help you get through your darkest days as an entrepreneur, so you can reap the immeasurable rewards that come with building your own successful business.
Imagine. You woke up this morning and were hit with a lightning bolt of inspiration.
You have just had the most stupendous idea for a product. You know it is a winner. You believe in it. You just don’t know how the heck you are going to get it from concept to customer!
Well, wonder no more as I speak with Nicole Nagelgast, creator and owner of The Adventure Book, an exciting interactive book designed to be a travel journal, memory keeper and a whole lot of fun on the road. Nicole shares her insights into her journey as an entrepreneur, author and creator and how to make that idea become a reality.
Very early on, Nicole realised that she wanted to take the road less travelled and embrace an entrepreneurial lifestyle. As a teen, Nicole had run her own business with a shop on Etsy, and she enjoyed being her own boss.
After graduating, she started work as a freelance graphic designer but quickly discovered that her business was running her life. Constant client demands, long hours and lack of financial freedom led her to understand that she needed to work smarter not harder.
Nicole signed up to the SFM a program of digital education that would enable her to gain new skills, market a viable product and give her a passive income stream.
She loved being part of the SFM affiliate marketing program, and her creativity and passion were rewarded with an invitation to join the team. Finally, the tail was no longer wagging the dog in terms of feeling weighed down by the design business just as well because Nicole was about to have a brainwave.
Oh, The Places You’ll Go…
It was a globe-trotting friend who provided the inspiration for Nicole’s big idea. After looking around for a suitable birthday gift, Nicole hit upon the idea of a travel journal that would allow her friend to log global travel experiences.
She searched high and low for one, and realised that a book like that didn’t exist!
Understanding that there was a niche waiting to be filled, Nicole started logging her ideas whenever she had free time. If she would like a journal like that, surely others would too?
So began a voyage of discovery. Nicole explains how she got started with her business and highlights her key learning curves.
Share ideas and get feedback – If you try to do it all yourself, don’t share ideas or outsource, you are cheating yourself. You just keep yourself and your business small. You need a network that you can rely on.
Ask for help – Look around at what similar producers are doing. Approach people who have a foot in the market because they are a goldmine of ideas, contacts, suppliers and advice. Nicole was able to take advantage of Mastermind sessions with the SFM Import Expert service. Don’t be afraid to reach out.
Test out different suppliers – Nicole’s first sample book was produced in China. It was cheap, but it wasn’t the quality and looked that she wanted for herself or her customers. By coincidence, she found a different supplier who was not only closer but had excellent contacts, the quality she was looking for and a price point that she was happy with.
Don’t underprice yourself or your product – Sure, you want your product to be affordable but have you factored in all the costs? Packaging, storage, websites and all the other hidden extras that are required to get your product out to the market need to work into your price point.
Get your product out there – Take the time to research your distribution networks. Do their facilities and services match your needs? Can you do some of it yourself? Not only does this give you a good idea of the process and costs, but it strengthens your hand when it comes to negotiating. You know what is involved so you won’t get hit with unnecessary extras
Going to Market – Choose your marketing platforms wisely. Nicole almost exclusively uses Instagram. Travel, journalling and calligraphy have huge followings on IG and a ready-made audience for her product. Use videos, images and styles that feel native to the platform you are using. Nicole took advantage of her affiliate marketing know-how to create ad content – you can too. Educational programs and tools such as the SFMare available online to provide you and your business with support, advice and a community of like-minded entrepreneurs and experts.
Don’t stop evolving – Don’t fear failure. Find a way to differentiate yourself from the competition and, above all else, always listen to your customer. Encourage people to give honest feedback about your product or service; it’s a great way to fine-tune your product, service or approach.
Just do it! – Procrastination is the thief of time, and if you wait for perfection, you will wait forever. Start small and build up. If you get the mindset right, you are already halfway there. That translates into increased confidence, a digital business that you can be proud of and a product or service that people are happy with.
The World at Your Fingertips
Nicole says that inspiration is inside all of us. To sit passively and wait for a ‘Eureka!’ the moment isn’t good enough. We must create movement for ourselves. Get up and get out there! Read a book, look at a piece of art, listen to a story and see what flows into your mind. We are all capable of imagining new concepts, re-designing an item or creating new thoughts.
By opening ourselves up to new things, we have potentially millions of creative surges waiting to be acted upon.
Nicole used her inspiration impulse to create a travel journal that allows people to have the world at their fingertips each time they turn a page.
Now, what actions are you going to take to have the world at yours?
Are you ready to get out of your comfort zone? I did when I jumped out of a plane last weekend!
We are all guilty of taking the easy route, aka the comfort zone. Back when we were cave dwellers, this had some evolutionary purpose. It helped us to save energy and keep us alive but fast forward a few millennia, and it now keeps many entrepreneurial fringe dwellers stuck!
Everyday life can grind us down. We get into a rut with our work, our routines and our social circles. However, you don’t want that for yourself, right? You want more from your life and your business!
Change begins at the end of the comfort zone. Pushing our boundaries can help us inject new life into our relationships, challenge our skills and help keep our work fresh and relevant. To be truly creative in every area doesn’t mean that you have to stay in your lane.
Fear can keep us stuck, but when harnessed, fear can give you the strength, stamina and ability to do things you never thought you could! Can’t run a 4-minute mile?
Now try that with a hungry lion at your heels!
Fear of failure is the number one reason why people don’t push themselves but is there such thing as a total failure? You learn so much on the journey; you achieve milestone after milestone along the way, you approach things more creatively.
Remember that there are many people out there who are no more intelligent than you, no more talented than you, and every bit as scared as you, who are successfully doing the things that you are avoiding! Every. Single. Day.
In this 3rd personal coaching session, I am going to explore the psychology of the comfort zone and lead you safely through the fear zone to the learning zone and finally to the growth zone. Together, we can learn how to avoid those self-imposed booby traps and eliminate all those concerns that ambush you and stop you from being all you can be.
The path of least resistance is the path of least existence!
Welcome to the second in the Cynspiration personal coaching series.
This week we are going to talk about Influence and how it can help you take your public profile and business to new heights.
We are all exposed to social media stars and influencers every day. We follow their advice, make purchases and choose services based upon their recommendations because we trust them, and so do others.
Influencer marketing has become one of the biggest priorities for many businesses because it is a proven and successful way to reach out and connect with potential clients and customers. It works!Influencers can gain leverage and build a business by creating bonds with their communities and adding their unique and authentic voices to their content.
So how do you go about creating a successful online platform and develop a role as an influencer?
As social media consumers, what we see and hear is the glossy, finished product, whether it be a blog, tweet, podcast or IG post. But, behind the persuasive and omnipresent influencer presence and message is a persistent, consistent and creative effort that requires a strategy to maximise exposure, content, visibility, trust and credibility.
Cynthia shares her advice on how to build a rapport with your audience, use social media platforms effectively and become an expert and trusted voice.
Understand why your voice can be persuasive, why sharing your own experiences can build trust, and why transparency is key. Learn to develop your expertise so that you can be an authoritative, unique voice talking about your niche within your brand. Your brand is your reputation and your good name.
Your content is your expertise. People will only follow you if they feel that you are authentic and that you align with your brand values and image. Cynthia shares her pointers to develop trust and showcase your expertise by building on your strengths and honing your skills further.
Stay Inspired and Inspiring
Being an influencer is part of a long game, so creating authentic and engaging posts takes effort. Discover how to keep your audience hooked on your content by keeping it meaningful, targeted and valuable. Learn how to use resources and content from others to add value to your message. Curated content can help you tap into broader trends within your niche and mining your comments sections for ideas really can turn up gold!
Time moves fast and so do trends and business, so you need to be on top of your game. Educate yourself, read around your topics, look at what others are doing. Discover the steps you need to take to create a buzz around your brand.
Learn how to identify which platforms are best suited for your target audience. Don’t be afraid to use analytics to identify where your posts are doing well; learn how to utilise them to maximise your visibility. Discover how to maximise opportunities with niche hashtags, guest posting and multi-platform brand familiarity can help you lift your name and your game head and shoulders above the competition.
Consistency is essential when building a following. Cynthia explains why having a system in place is vital for success and will help you stay on schedule consistently.
From creating and managing a content calendar to building a library of media and setting aside time to research all the content you plan to publish for the next few months. These things keep your mind fresh and posting high-quality content regularly builds a sense of anticipation in your audience.
Remember that every follower out there is a person with a busy life who is giving YOU the privilege of a few minutes of their time.
They deserve respect, and that means giving back in terms of quality feeds, responding to comments, and maintaining a high level of engagement to develop and maintain a loyal following and fostering a community.
People love to be treated as individuals and to feel connected.
There are many ways to do this by encouraging audience participation through polls, discussions, giveaways, live sessions, shout outs and guest collaborations. Other influencers are a great resource too, so it pays to build a trusted network for mutual support and of course, to access other fan bases!
You are your brand, and it is vital that you stay true to the values that you espouse. Remember that trust takes a long time to build up and can be lost in a moment.
So be discerning when it comes to who you collaborate with, compromising the quality of your content if you find that you can’t deliver on a proposed date, being tempted to piggyback off what others are doing or trading away your hard earned influencing capital for a quick buck to push products that don’t reflect your brand, service or expertise. Your word is your bond.
If you haven’t started influencing yet, then you are lagging behind so let Cynspiration influence you to become an influencer.
Be yourself, be proud of it and encourage people to follow you because they want to hear your voice.
Social media influencers are more important to the world of digital marketing than ever before, and this certainly won’t be slowing down any time soon. It’s the perfect time to start your journey as a social media influencer, so go on.. what are you waiting for?!
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
BuzzSumo – is a tool that analyses what content performs best for any topic or competitor and finds the key influencers to promote your content.
Reddit – gives you the best of the internet in one place. Get constantly updating feed of breaking news, fun stories, pics, memes, and videos just for you.
SEM Rush – offers solutions for SEO, PPC, content, social media and competitive research.
Hootsuite – is a social media management platform.
Hashtagify – find the top hashtags for Twitter and Instagram for Free. Search hashtags relations and influencers and maximise your social media strategy.
Asana – Helps you organise and plan workflows, projects, and more, so you can keep your team’s work on schedule
BlogTalk Radio – a web-based platform that allows podcasters and radio sites and talk show hosts to create live and on-demand talk format content for distribution on the web and podcast distribution channels.
‘Successful people are not standing on a mountain of successes, they are standing on a mountain of their failures’, so says this week’s guest, Britney AuClair.
Our society celebrates the successful and lauds them publicly but what is the story behind those apparently easily won laurels worn so casually upon their heads? How did they get there? What were their struggles?
Too often we only see the end product and measure ourselves by notions of ‘instant’ success and it can paralyse us. How do we move, like Alice in Wonderland, ‘through the looking glass’ and find ourselves in a different reality, one that gives us the right mindset to learn from and accept our failures not as a false step, but as the starting point on an ever-evolving journey towards the greatest prize of all – success by our own standards and unparalleled personal growth
A little bit about Britney…
Britney loves her career as the owner of a digital marketing business serving the needs of local businesses by managing their social media, reputation and review management but she started out in a very different place.
Growing up, Britney had to deal with the reality of substance abuse around her, family tragedy and feeling isolated. Fast forward a few years and Britney had a baby and a partner struggling with his own demons.
She was trying to figure out how to move forward in a way that could offer her emotional and financial independence and joined an affiliate marketing programme but quickly realised that it wasn’t working for her. Having spent time and money, and understanding she was not on the right path led Britney to feeling held back and filled with self-doubt.
She knew she had to take action and push past the mindset barriers to be able to define life and success on her own terms.
No experience is ever wasted
The path to success is never linear and is littered along the way with innumerable failures. Despite having invested heavily in both her personal life and entrepreneurial projects Britney came to understand that each time she failed, she gained.
Her breakthrough came when she realised that failure is just a perception. She had acquired digital tools and know-how, pushed herself to take risks, found a group of cheerleaders to support her on her journey and become a different, stronger and more empowered person along the way. There is no right way or wrong way.
Failure forces people to become more creative, to think up ingenious solutions to problems, to reach out, to build emotional resilience, to take risks and to move forward through the pain. It isn’t how many times you fall down but how often you get back up! We must learn how to learn.
Learning how to roll with the punches
People may reject your ideas or your services for any number of reasons but this is not a reflection of you. It is very easy to internalise the negative. It takes guts to put yourself and your ideas out there and it can feel incredibly personal if our business ideas are not warmly received or do not translate into the results we hoped for.
Failure can be embarrassing, disappointing and downright painful but it is also necessary for growth, innovation, maturity and discernment. Learning demands failure, progress demands failure but those bumps and bruises can hurt.
Britney shares her four-step process for dealing with failure and overcoming it:
Allow yourself to feel the pain
It is normal to feel a little crestfallen if things don’t pan out how we hoped. Acknowledge these feelings but keep them in perspective. Think about the process that led to this outcome and identify where and how you might have done things differently and why you are feeling this way.
Who can I share this with?
Now is the time to find your cheerleaders and rant! Get it off your chest and unload. It can be incredibly cathartic to have a friend, family member or colleague who can listen without judgement and yet can hold you to account. Perhaps they have something to share about their own failures that may be useful? Learn from those that survived and remember that a problem shared is a problem halved.
Be willing to ask for help
This can be a very difficult thing to do especially for guys who have been taught not to show any signs of ‘weakness’ and for women who think they must be multi-tasking goddesses in perfect control of their lives at all times. Sometimes it can be as simple as delegating household chores or buying in services or it could be asking someone within the digital community to share a skill with you or teach you a hack. If you don’t ask, you don’t get!
How can I move forward?
Take a step back and see if, perhaps this failure was designed to get your attention, to stop you going too far the wrong way.
Give yourself a little space from an initial setback, allow your emotions to cool, and let your rational side regain control. Then, you can look at your situation with new eyes and determine how to proceed. – Do I need to do something differently? Do I need to grab some advice? Do I need to acquire new skills? Do I need to change course? Is this course of action going to take me closer to where I want to be?
Britney continues to use these four steps to guide her in her digital business growth and her personal decision making and now sees ‘failure’ as a way to get excited about the opportunity to innovate and transform.
The gift of failure includes building the fortitude to never say die, the humility to learn, change course and get onto our truer path. Every success story is littered with failures that acted as signposts to a better way of living, doing and being.
It is inevitable that you will fall down the rabbit hole just like Alice in Wonderland and find yourself in a different than expected reality but give yourself the credit and recognition you deserve because just by trying, you have accomplished more than most people ever will!
The last word this week goes to one of the greatest athletes who ever lived, the basketball player, Michael Jordan.
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
So, you have branched out into the world of online entrepreneurship but do you now feel that you are out on a limb? Cynspiration is here to tell you that you are not alone.
This week, Cynthia shares her reflections and offers a coaching session on the challenging and sometimes lonely path of the online entrepreneur.
The actions that you can take to improve your mental, physical and networking capabilities. How to make being a solo act the best performance of your life!
While the sense of liberty and autonomy involved in setting up and growing your own business is exhilarating, the amount of time, energy and effort required can push you into feeling as though you are operating within a bubble.
This can leave you feeling disconnected from yourself, from others and your business. The risk of burn-out is very high in new and digital business owners.
You have much more leverage than you think to improve your entrepreneurial experience by bringing back the balance in your life. A little bit of planning and self-care can go a long way to bringing back the sense of excitement and energy that you started with!
Using examples from her journey as an online entrepreneur, Cynthia will guide you through some of the most common challenges facing every solopreneur.
Cynthia Shares her Strategies to:
Nurture your mental and physical health for optimal performance.
Realise the importance of recognising your achievements and rewarding yourself Make time for face time to keep your communication skills sharp and your social health in check.
Maintain a balance between your daily life and your entrepreneurial life.
Recognise the value of a planned distraction and how vital taking a time out is.
Build and strengthen connections with supportive individuals and organisations online and off.
Reconnect to your inner passion and rediscover your mission purpose.
Return to your business feeling recharged and ready to rumble!
Remote working does not equal remote living. If, in the words of the song ‘One is the loneliest number’ then Cynspiration will help you to develop the inner and outer resources that you need to ensure that One can be Fun!
Building a business requires resilience, grit and most of all, a support network. In this third episode of Cynspiration, I talk to Cordelia Kate, founder of the The Rebellious Business Coach, a fellow entrepreneur whom I’ve known for over a year.
Cordelia used to work as a nurse, spending many hours at work to sustain her family. But she soon realised that she needed to spend more time with her three children, and so looked for ways to make an income online. After going through a few video courses, she learnt the basics of drop-shipping and was fulfilling packages to sell and deliver. She admits she didn’t really know what she was doing, and so soon decided to close the business.
She decided to start again but with the right skills this time. She enrolled a Digital Online Course and learnt all she about marketing, writing and digital products and is in the process of starting her own coaching business, empowering mothers to manage their businesses.
She now works full time from home and gets to spend all the time she needs with her children. By doing this, she’s also showing her children that she is in charge of her career and that being a mum does not mean having to sacrifice a career, passions or dreams.
Empowering Women to Own their Career
Society generally expects women to sacrifice their job to have children. But as Cordelia mentions, women were put on this planet to live, not only to breed. Cordelia witnessed her mother sacrificing her career and regretting it later on, so she was adamant not to let the same happen to her.
The new generation of women are putting the responsibility on their shoulders and are owning their lives.
We don’t need to be dividing the world between bosses and ‘girl bosses’ or ‘mumpreneurs’. Female or male, we can all be bosses, entrepreneurs and business owners.
Cordelia explains that we need to support women to believe in themselves and harness their essence and skills.
Don’t Quit your Job Immediately
A business is built one baby step at a time. Leaving your job to start a business can be a harmful thing to do for your project because you’ll be building your business from a place of scarcity and negative energy. Stress and anxiety can also cause you to lose faith and give up on your dream.
Instead, Cordelia recommends having the right resources in place before getting started. A slow transition is much better; keep your job and use the extra hours you have to start building your business. She also explains that the fewer hours you have, the more productive you’ll be. Once you have the money flowing and the right foundations, then you can quit your job.
Cordelia’s Schedule as a Single Mum and Entrepreneur
Cordelia lives and works from home with three children, so she’s had to learn how to set boundaries to focus on her work and children effectively.
One of her tips is to block out times for each activity on her calendar (including lunch!). This allows her to focus on each task with no distractions.
Another tip is to involve the kids from time to time. This means she includes them in her Youtube videos, which in turn helps her produce content!
She also recommends having a space to call your own, someplace to shut away from housework, children and the rest. Make it a pleasant environment with a lock on the door to allow you to focus.
Through her active planning and boundaries, she’s showing her children that she is working hard to achieve her dreams.
They might not understand this now, but she knows that when they grow up and look back, they will be inspired and apply it to their own lives.
In this second episode of Cynspiration, I talk to Patrizio Pezzutto, founder of – Coaching.ly- and a fellow frindge dweller friend of mine.
As a man who has built his marketing and communication business and a growing and successful consulting business, Patrizio has faced a few challenges along the road.
After realising his full-time job did not fulfil him anymore, he looked for purpose and passion
He joined with an online education program and affiliate marketing which allowed him to understand the foundations of online business and marketing. He then realised he also wanted to give teach and provide value to other entrepreneurs, and to inspire them to take action and grow their businesses. So he founded Get High-Quality Coaching Clients.
The creation of his businesses challenged him to get over his insecurities, to face his fears and not let doubt impede him from moving forward.
Through effort, trial, errors and patience, he has found the confidence to gear his Digital Business in a new direction and therefore to rely much more on his intuition.
In this episode we chat about:
Why it’s essential to build a brand around your passion in order to enjoy
How Patrizio realised that he wanted to give a voice to women and why
What it’s like to find your purpose
The power of fear and how to prevent it from living your dreams
You don’t need to be perfect not achieve success.
What piece of advice would you give to people who want to become entrepreneurs?
What would you say are the top three skills needed to be a successful entrepreneur?
What entrepreneurial tricks have you discovered to keep you focused and productive in your day-to-day busy schedule?
What key activities would you recommend entrepreneurs to invest their time in?
It’s especially hard when we fall trap to the saboteurs in our head that make us doubt our very own skills and passions. In this first episode of Cynspiration, I talk to Sietske, founder of the Own It magazine, and a fellow workshop friend of mine.
As a woman who has built her marketing and communication business and an inspiring and successful magazine for women, Sietske has been through some hardships of her own. After realising her marketing company did not fulfil her anymore, she looked for more creative ways to express herself.
It started with her very own magazine, detailing her journey and experiences. She then realised she also wanted to give a voice to other women, to inspire them to take action and share their thoughts. And so she founded Own It Magazine.
Through the creation of these magazines, she had to learn to get over her insecurities (her ‘saboteurs’), to face her fears and not let doubt impede her from moving forward. She sat down, wrote down the complete opposite of what her saboteurs were telling her and took power back.
Through effort, resilience and patience, she has found the confidence to gear her magazine in a new direction and therefore to rely much more on her intuition.
In this episode we chat about:
Why it’s essential to build a brand around you and your values
How Sietske realised that she wanted to give a voice to women and why
How she created her magazine and how it encourages women and helps them find a direction
What it’s like to rebuild a project from scratch
How to control the saboteurs and not let them prevent you from living your dreams
Sietske’s new plans for the future
How do you prefer to express yourself? By writing? Through photography? By helping others?
How many times have you screwed up because you did not trust yourself?
Have you ever heard the saboteurs in your mind that make you more insecure? What do you do to fight them?
Have you ever felt the need to prove yourself to someone? Why?
Forgiveness has the power to release Freedom and Happiness.
There’s an Arab proverb that states that you should write the bad things that happen to you in the sand so that they can be quickly erased from your memory.
However, most of us engrave things that happen to us in stone; therefore, our painful memories remain immortalised in our minds.
My past taught me that when someone harms you, you’re chained to that mistreatment and memory like a slave.
Forgiveness requires self-discipline, will-power complex thinking and personal effort. It’s a Freedom Crusade.
It’s not forgetting, an act of kindness or being a doormat; It’s to be courageous and to decide to start living like a Badass!
Feeding the anger that lives in you will not fight the pain but feed it. Before you know it you’ve absorbed the worst of your “past” and on some level even start to operate with the same toxic and destructive energy.
Forgiveness isn’t an airy-fairy way of saying it’s okay
It’s setting ourselves free from the emotional chains, as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment that link us to this experience.
It’s saying what you did is not okay, and I refuse to be connected to it any longer!
Forgiveness is about being a Freedom Champion!
Being free means not being a hostage of the past,
Being free means laughing more than others,
Being free means seeing beauty everywhere, and looking forward to another day,
Being free means not being afraid of criticism and follow your heart no matter what,
Being free means speaking the truth,
Isn’t that’s worth fighting for?
Forgiveness is self-love.
It’s committing to yourself to not live in the shadow of your tormentors, but being present and open to all possibilities, to be limitless and to create and generate the life you truly desire.
You do get to choose how you will let happiness into your life. Don’t sell your soul to the phantoms of your past.
The Darkness is only there to show you the light that shines within and cannot and will never be extinguished.
Forgiveness is the most magnificent middle finger of all time!
The most fabulous discovery I ever made was the fact that my story can inspire others who go through the same sad and dark experience I went through as a child.
This truth dawned on me at an event in San Diego, where I was invited to share my experience of the abuse I suffered as a child.
This humbling experience of sharing my painful but past story that day remained fresh in my mind.
I was moved by something beyond my power; something so intense that I was obliged to tell the audience not just the story of abuse but the story of my journey to recovery. It was indeed an event I gladly remembered.
Healing and Forgiveness are Long Processes
For many years, the burden of my past weighed heavily on me as I battled the shame, anger and, of course, self-blame.
I was helpless against these emotions.
I felt like an empty, barren land once full of vegetative life but now robbed of its glory and beauty.
But I decided to put an end to the dark road my life was spiralling on.
I convinced myself that recovery was the best path to take if I must be released from the painful past.
The decision to embark on the journey to self-discovery yielded good results, so I ultimately surrendered.
The healing power of recovery surged through me, and my misery gave way. Gradually, the bitterness that kept me in bondage for so long left and was replaced with inner peace.
The same moment, anger, guilt and disgust for myself and others were no more.
The fact that I could forgive myself paved the way for self-love and personal growth, which were missing before.
The process of recovery is the basis of a fruitful and positive relationship with yourself and others.
The step I took set me free from the childish attitude I clung to and launched me into womanhood.
True, we cannot afford to live in the past just because we feel victimised in one way or another.
Giving in paralyses our gifts and ability to see clearly, and can wreck our lives.
In many cases, we find it easier to blame the past instead of ourselves for our failure, laziness and irresponsibility.
I chose to heal and be an inspiration to others who struggle with their past.
My vision is to enlighten women all over the world and show them that they can achieve results that far exceed anything they ever imagined.
Nothing we suffer in life is in vain.
Our stories – sad or happy ones – and our self-discovery lend power and meaning to our lives.
I am full of resilience just because I let go of the haunting and hurting past. Now I am a loving, healthy and peaceful woman.
It is my wish that all victimised women find the same inner peace and freedom.
However, many misunderstand the purpose of forgiveness.
They think it means that you agree that what happened to you was right or that you deserved it in one way or another.
No one deserved to be hurt; no one can accept child abuse or any form of molestation as normal either from family and friends.
Benefits of Forgiveness and Letting Go
Forgiveness works better when you do not suppress the hurt and pain you go through. But you must set necessary boundaries to stop future occurrences.
Forgiveness must come from within just after the victim has addressed the grief of the past.
You must allow all the anger, rage, sadness and betrayal to roll over you like the wave of an ocean. This sets you free from inner turmoil.
Emotions Are Crucial
We get released from emotional burden when we acknowledge the worst in our lives.
As we do this first, we feel free from the prison of our past. This gets bigger when we express our deepest emotions without restraint or criticism from others.
Family members and friends should be careful at this point and play their roles well. They must not push the victim to grant forgiveness to the abuser hurriedly.
They should allow that part to come on naturally from within the victim. It is a process which, when mismanaged, can make it more difficult for the victim to recover from initial hurt or pain.
The best action to take at that point is to let the victim know they have the right to express their hurts and feelings without being judged.
Lending a listening ear can be a more effective strategy than forcing the victim to show untimely forgiveness.
It will be best to keep in mind when helping victims of abuse that the worst thing you can do is to talk them out of the way they feel.
Victims of abuse should be allowed to express their feelings without thinking they are wrong or looking for cheap popularity.
Once these barriers are removed, the process of recovery becomes natural.
The victim may not instantly arrive at the place of forgiveness, but it will help to move forward, feel relieved and have a fruitful relationship with others.
Next is the neutral stage when much of the deep emotions begin to fade away, and memory of childhood abuse becomes faint.
This is precisely when the healing process starts, and victims cannot afford to miss this stage.
The words of Lewis Smedes echo great truth:
“The first, and often the only person to be healed by forgiveness is the person who f… When we genuinely forgive, we set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner we set free was us.
How to Deal with Trauma
There are different paths to follow in the journey to recovery. It is essential to find out which one is best for you.
Forgiveness that draws strength from a spiritual or religious background is one of them. The crucial thing is to choose the form of healing that will annihilate blame so efficiently that you do not feel like a victim any longer.
That victim mentality can define your life and make you a hostage to your past.
Furthermore, you can transform your life by taking responsibility for who you are now.
Choose to let go of the chains of the past by connecting to the fresh and beautiful new you.
Finally, do not let the failure of others define who you are.
An abuser is a failure, so you should not allow that you set your life on a sad and bitter course. Being free from the feeling of victimisation is the sign of recovery.
Personally, choosing to let go led me to a present life filled with courage, meaningful relationship and never-ending love for life.
I am now free inside and outside.
You, too, can experience that freedom from the past.
Living in the past is not worth the trouble. Find your form of healing and follow through.
It is your life to live, so don’t let someone else dictate your happiness.
Choose, decide and follow the process of recovery!
Most people say they don’t know what Marketing Automation is!
Aweber recently asked 2,500+ members of their audience if they are using marketing automation.
Sixty-two per cent said “no!” 😲
And that got me wondering, why not?
After all, marketing automation can increase leads, conversions, revenue, AND it can save you time.
The stats prove it, according to VentureBeat Insight and Statista
80% of marketing automation users increased their leads
77% increased their conversions with automation
73% of marketers say the most significant benefit of automation is saving time.
But it’s pretty simple to get started with marketing automation. Are you ready to?
Below, you’ll learn all about marketing automation, and why it’s a vital tool for entrepreneurs and small businesses.
Consider this your definitive guide.
What Is Marketing Automation?
Marketing automation refers to platforms that help businesses more effectively market on multiple online channels (such as email, social media, websites, etc.) and automate repetitive tasks.
Think about a marketing task you manually tackle over and over again each month or week. For example, you are sending an email to your new customers. Or, sharing your most popular blog post to your social channels.
These tasks might take 10 minutes, or they might take an hour, and they add up.
Soon enough, you might find you’re working late into the night or into the early hours of the morning to finish them all.
There’s a better way; marketing automation, it allows you to set it up once. Then, like clockwork, automation delivers that marketing message for you. It’s amazing. And an invaluable tool for time-strapped businesses.
Imagine a world where your best marketing content is delivered automatically to your audience at the perfect time.
You watch revenue flow into your bank account. Your business grows. You optimise your automation. More revenue streams into your bank account each month. Now, you’re saving hours and making money, and it’s automatic.
That’s the power of marketing automation.
This sounds amazing. But I need to be honest with you. There’s a drawback.
Marketing Automation Can Be Expensive, Overwhelming,
According to the market research 2, 50% of marketers think it’s confusing to use, and scary to implement.marketing automation, according to the market research firms Three Deep and Ascend 2.
And those are professional marketers!
I can only imagine how overwhelming it must be for a small business or entrepreneur.
However, there’s one part of marketing automation that’s easy to start, affordable, and, when done well, brings in revenue.
Why Is Email Marketing The Most Important Part Of Automation?
Email automation is the heart of marketing automation. Put, it’s when you set up a series of emails to send automatically to subscribers at a specific time.
With it, you can connect with a person at every stage of their buyer journey –– from a lead to a customer to brand advocate.
You can build a relationship with an individual over the long term. And the best part? It runs on autopilot, creating connections and increasing revenue for you.
Without email marketing, marketing automation would be rather useless. Email does the heavy lifting –– converting your lead into a customer and keeping those customers happy.
Automated email messages average 70.5% higher open rates and 152% higher click-through rates than other marketing messages, according to Epsilon Email Institute.
Email is 40 times more effective at acquiring customers than Facebook, and Twitter combined according to McKinsey & Company found.
The Advantages of Email Marketing
Price and Ease.
Emailing is not an expensive way to advertise products and services compared to many other types of marketing. It’s also straightforward to set up and track an email marketing campaign, making it a very accessible kind of marketing for small businesses.
Newsletters can be sent to the email list you’ve built from the people who provided the necessary information on your website. Providing these potential customers with news updates about your company, upcoming events and special offers – and, of course, reminding them that your business exists.
Email Marketing Is Still Relevant
In an age of increasing usage of social media for advertising, email marketing still rules the roost.
94% of Internet users use email, while only 61% use social media
75% of adult online users say that email marketing is their preferred marketing method
the “opt-in” feature of email allows marketing by consent
email marketing allows targeting by demographics (age, income, etc.)
email messages have more formatting possibilities than social media messages.
email offers more reporting and analytics capability, such as click-through rates, open rates, bounce rates, and conversions
The main advantage of email vs social media is that prospects and customers are more likely to see an email than social media. Just posting something doesn’t mean that everyone you want to see your message will see it. Your post might not even show up in your targets’ social media streams. However, an email will sit in the inbox until it’s read (or deleted).
Ideally, email marketing should go hand-in-hand with social media. Adding social media “Like” or “Share” buttons to your marketing emails gives an additional way for customers to connect with your brand. Snippets of positive reviews from social media fans can be included in emails. Conversely, social media postings can be used to encourage fans to subscribe to your email newsletters.
Email marketing can substantially increase your income if you do it correctly. (See the tips below.) It’s a great way to get people to visit and revisit your website or blog, and more traffic usually equates to more income.
Email Marketing Tips
#1 Build your list. Buying email lists is a waste of time. All you’re going to do by sending unsolicited email is to turn off prospects and run the risk of being labelled a spammer.
#2 Adhere to the rules of the CAN-SPAM Act. These rules include having a non-deceptive subject line, a method of unsubscribing, and your name and address at the end of the emails.
#3 Don’t just send out ads to buy all the time. Use your emails to build rapport with customers by sharing your expertise and that of others, giving them tips and insights they can value. Share information that lets them know more about you and your company if it’s exciting.
#4 Treat your list well. Remember that the people you’re using email to communicate with have trusted you with their email and name; they deserve your respect. Just as you deserve a chance to convert them from customers to fans, people who want to talk about and share your message and get involved in any way they can.
#5 Stick to a schedule if you’re doing a newsletter. Sending email on a regular day or days can help your subscribers know what to expect from you and when.
For more on email marketing and other online marketing strategies, see:
You have no relationship with this traffic, they have never been on your site or landing page before. They come through a search, a video, or social advertising. They are the new blood of your business.
You must build trust, credibility, and authority with your cold traffic. Before they decide to buy your products, you have to prove that your brand is worth the investment.
Can you imagine your reaction if someone asked you to move in with them on your first date?
There are two things I’m sure of: Life and Death. Both are inevitable, and a blessing given to each of us.
Since the age of eight, I have lost a lot of people who meant the world to me.
Three deaths stroke my tribe in the past two weeks and this morning I received a phone call announcing the fourth one.
There I am sobbing and reflecting on how death has shaped my life.
Death is painful and tragic no matter how the person left this world. The loss of people of all ages has taught me a few things.
“Every man’s life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.”
Do not take the people you love for granted
If you are lucky enough to have loved ones in your life, call and visit them often. Share your experiences with the people who love you.
It’s all a matter of perspective
So you lost your phone, or you said something on Facebook that caused a bit of a storm. So what?
Let’s think about how important it is. Is it the end of the world? No? So, move on. Don’t dwell on insignificant things, because they are reversible.
Compare the idea that’s causing you grief with something that would cause you real pain; perspective is powerful.
Be around people who light your fire
People who are lighthouses and hold on to them. When my aunt Julia unexpectedly passed eleven years ago of an aneurysm, my priorities changed; and I started to see the world differently.
I don’t care much about arguments, gossiping, negativity or self-centred people.
Interact with people who make you feel positive and hold on to them. Find your tribe, and let them know you appreciate them.
I always tell my “light gang’ how much they mean to me. Make sure they know they light up your life, and you, in turn, you will light up their day.
Do you know what’s worse than finding yourself in a place you don’t like?
Staying there. We’ve all been in situations where we aren’t happy. Maybe you hate your job; perhaps you’re in a bad relationship. Leave it.
Be in charge of your happiness; no one else will.
Don’t be complacent, and spend your time wishing away your tomorrows. Don’t wait for a more convenient moment.
Be brave, leap. It will be ok in the end, and if it’s not ok, it’s not the end.
Remember that thing you’d love to do someday?
Do it now!
I’ve watched so may friends stumble on this. Plagued by ‘what ifs’ and doubts, unable to move forward because they are afraid.
We’ve all heard people shouting ‘YOLO’ and chastising our safety-minded heads, and we laugh it away because it isn’t practical.
But what losing loved ones taught me is that you aren’t guaranteed a tomorrow, another year, or another fifty. So if you have a passion, you want to pursue why wait for the perfect time?
What’s the point of spending years doing something that you hate and then die? You don’t want to have wasted your life waiting for the perfect time. There is no ideal time. But there is today.
Shine and help others to shine
I pretended to be stupid for a long time to avoid intimidating those around me, not because I’m some genius, but I didn’t want to appear arrogant. That’s stupid! It doesn’t serve anyone, and it didn’t help me.
What serves you, is to be the best version of yourself. And as you liberate yourself you will unconsciously permit others to do the same.
Don’t do things that make you unhappy
Sound simple? It’s not that simple.
It takes a lot of focus and will to say no to and let go of things that aren’t helpful to you, but your life genuinely is too short not to.
It has has been my mantra since the day my aunt Julia died unexpectedly 11 years ago. It’s not been easy to follow.
I’ve been in crap places doing things I didn’t want to do, and it was easier to stay, but it wasn’t helping me, and I was miserable, So I left.
I left a relationship that pushed me to the edge of suicide; I left a job because I felt numb. And that was scary. But those decisions got me to a much better place.
If you’re unhappy, then something isn’t right and needs to change.
Figure out what it is and make that change. You OWE it to yourself.
Find your thing, and do it
How often have you heard to just “Do what you love”? It can sound like a load of hullabaloo. But it’s not.
I have a friend who says “What’s your tennis ball?” What is the thing that, like a dog chasing a tennis ball for hours on end, gets you excited?
Maybe it’s playing the piano or working painting, or perhaps you love doing yoga or collecting boat miniatures.
Find your tennis ball and do it. When you chase things you’re passionate about, opportunities follow.
We often hear that it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert in something. So do what you like and see where it leads you, plus you’ll have fun along the way.
One day you’ll be thanking yourself for having done so.
Create serendipity for yourself
We all love those moments when you are in the right place at the right time. It looks like luck, but in truth, you create them.
Be with people who challenge you to do more and with who you come alive. Step out of your comfort zone, try something new and scary every month, you will be stupefied by the opportunities you create for yourself.
Go out there and create serendipity for yourself. The only reason I now have the privilege to run a business, write blogs and coach women I because I put myself out there.
So why not breaking out of your comfort zone today? Try something that stretches you. You never know what it will attract in your life.
Give, give, and give some more
“I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.”
I feel so happy when I see someone being joyful because of something I’ve done for them. We all have so much to offer: time, money, knowledge, advice, a smile.
It’s so easy to share a little of yourself with those who need it, and it makes life so much more vibrant.
I volunteered in various places, and each week I’d walk away beaming.
Not keen on volunteering? Then why not give to people you know and need a listening ear or support? It will enrich your life and their lives.
Don’t be so hard on yourself
We live in an ever-connected world, and that doesn’t help our self-confidence. We are acutely aware of the fantastic adventures and jobs that our peers are undertaking.
FOMO is accepted into the national vocabulary and dampening our chances at being happy with our lot.
You have a friend who went off to India for eight months on an adventure of a lifetime, you see your peers starting up businesses and taking year-long sabbaticals, and it’s hard not to beat yourself up thinking that you’re not brave enough.
Instead of criticising yourself, set your definition of success, it’s personal. Take small steps; they’ll lead you in the right direction.
Be grateful; you’re alive
We all have something to be thankful for, no matter what has happened in our lives.
I have so much to be grateful for. I feel the pain of my loved one’s death, and sometimes it’s tough to keep it up, to feel positive and to move forward. But most of all I am grateful for the time we had together; I am thankful for the last time I saw them, for the conversations, the laughter, the hugs.
I have an appreciation for my silver lining.
These lessons learned from living through the grief of losing someone I loved have brought an awareness that guides me to live a better, happier and fuller life.
The death of friends and family led me to the beautifully intricate and fulfilled life I now have.
I hope this blog resonates with you because we can all find something in difficult times that we feel gratitude for; a lesson learned, a new friend, a newfound strength.
This is the powerful gift of death to life.
Did you miss last week’s post? Check it out here: Getting Back Your Inner Power
To find inner power, savour and maintain a state of wholeness you have to know how to use the freedom that capacitates you and allows you to achieve the full realisation of your self
Learn to have faith in this liberty, this wholeness and life.
Discover what brings you close to this state and what distances you from it. Fear is one of the enemies that act as an obstacle to wholeness.
Unawareness, inconsistency, lack of focus and inner fluctuation will steal from you the energy that is necessary to feel whole.
Take risks to concede yourself power
Free yourself of any aspect that throws a shadow over you.
Allow your being to manifest and express itself with all its potential.
To leave in wholeness, be in charge of your inner world. If not, you will only experience brief moments of wholeness.
To achieve wholeness, you not only have to have inner control but also to revise whether there is any crack or door open to weakness in your personality.
Because if you strengthen yourself on the one hand and the other side you’re weakened you’ll never reach that state of inner power.
If you fill a bucket of water, that has holes and cracks, however much water you put into the bucket, it will carry on emptying itself.
You have to find out which are the holes and cracks of your personality through which your energy leaks.
As much as you try to fill yourself, the emptiness generated by these losses will continue.
Getting back your inner power also means recognising
# You are responsible for how you are
# The potential to discover, develop and master is in you
# It is essential to have control over your inner the world resources and faculties, your mind, intellect, traits, conditioning and habits
# Strengthen values such as tolerance acceptance and flexibility if you want to leave peacefully and survive the times of turbulence and change
# There are beliefs and habits that trigger your fears, doubts and suffering that you could avoid
# There are beliefs that block you that you should change.
Fundamentally, we do not take on the responsibility for your own life
It is easier to blame others for how we are.
When you are irritated, upset and catch yourself blaming the rest of the world for it, try to remember that you are responsible for what you do and how you respond to what happens?
Stop being a victim and take on FULL responsibility for your reactions; this is the foundation of inner power.
You have spent years with a mind that thinks a lot, thinks unnecessarily, with habits that are not altogether healthy.
Transforming all this requires interest, will, perseverance, study practice and above all patience.
“Be patient with yourself. Self-growth is tender; it’s holy ground. There’s no greater investment.” — Stephen Covey
To get back that state of personal control that gives you the capacity to love without depending, to love and be free, to enjoy without being afraid and to live with courage you have to revise your beliefs.
Do you believe that to love you need to worry yourself obsessively?
Do you believe that worries are healthy or help you to channel the energy of your mind to find solutions?
If the answer is no, then revise why you hold on to these worries, holding on to them is not a good use of your life energy. The energy of thought is power.
We are made up of the human, the physical, the corporeal and being which is spiritual.
The mind forms part of being and has an extensive function, given that it thinks, imagines, desires creates, associates, remembers, projects.
You will find that one way or another you live and react to the way you think.
When growing up the harshest flip we face is when our unconditional supporters become our harshest critics.
Home becomes a war zone; mom and dad turn into THE enemy.
Then comes the blessed time in life when you spread your wings and leave the nest. Right?
We are all familiar with this. You turn eighteen, go off to University and move out the house or the country like me :-)))
As you grow older, you learn to realise one of the most important things you need to decide is who you choose to disappoint in life.
Despite each of us eventually breaking through the regular cycle of leaving home and starting our own lives, many of us still feel obligated to our family.
There is this need to PLEASE and make our parents proud. Thank god! There is a way out.
And I know because I’ve been experiencing it for the past ten years. I was a rebellious child, but rebellion doesn’t serve healthy relationships and eventually transforms into healthy independence and respect.
For some people, it’s much later in life than others; I’ve spoken with people in their late sixties who still feel obligated to their parents and as a result resentful.
For me, it started with realising that I value family. I love my tribe. Period.
I also love myself, which means I’m not going to give up my heart’s desires and dreams to comply with what my parents think is best for me like I had to all throughout my childhood until my thirties.
I’m passionate and have a strong desire to break free of the practical way of living. And that’s what I am doing.
At the same time, I know in my heart that love, especially with family members, ought to stand up to tests like this. It came with a price.
I learned to stand in the fire holding onto my desire and my love for the family while facing their criticism.
It is challenging and can be painful at times. Knowing that it came from my heart, helped me hold on to my dream — and let the opinions wash over me. It would be impossible without that conscious choice.
Since then, even though it’s been a process and there are still many fires to stand in, it has been increasingly more comfortable just to be me and share my “unorthodox path” with them.
Their expectations are beginning to subside, as they realise that my life is unconventional and learn to discover this nonconformist daughter.
By standing up for my ideal life in this way, I let go of any power they have over me and hand it back to them, giving them the option to choose.
Standing up for yourself isn’t easy. It’s especially challenging when you’re trying to build a life that you love because that’s the time when you need positivity and encouragement.
Holding on to the earnest vision that only good can come from standing in your heart’s desires, you’ll realise what real love is, and it will ultimately reframe how you approach life and relationships.
Imagine if Van Gogh’s, Einstein, Voltaire, Miles Davis or Alfred Nobel had chosen to appease their parents instead of following their desires and artistic integrity, we’d be deprived of some of the most inspiring artists, and free thinkers the world has ever known.
The family has no clue of the ties and chains they place on you; therefore, it’s essential to come from a loving place when standing your ground and claiming your life.
Most parents aren’t aware of what they’re doing. Should they be punished for that?
I did for a looooooong time. I choose not to anymore.
They want what’s best without knowing what’s better.
They will never see you the way you are until you stop focusing your energy on getting their approval and concentrate on your happiness instead.
Just be you, the world needs the Unicorn that lives in you
I love you, I believe in you and I am your ally in transformation
Have you finally decided that this is your year? Maybe you’ve made massive efforts to move forward in your business, but it still hasn’t happened. Perhaps, you’ve invested tons of dollars in mentors and coaching, but you haven’t exactly got the results you were hoping for.
Maybe you think success and business are for other people and not for you and you just wish you had a magic wand to make it all work.What if I told you that you are the one limiting your business growth.
Money blocks are a massive part of putting a break on your business growth. Clearing these blocks is the way to get past them. I’d love to help.
Today let’s talk about three significant ways you could be limiting your business growth right now.
Are you investing a lot of money for personal development stuff, but not the practical things in your business and therefore limiting your business growth?
First, let’s get honest
It is essential to work on yourself to be an accomplished woman in business, but you need to balance investing in you with the practical things that are going to help you increase your income as well.
Recently I was about to spend money on a workshop and realised this was not the smartest thing to do at this time. I was still doing everything in my business and scared of investing in the practical stuff. I wasn’t thinking out of the box at all. I was running trying to do everything and stressing myself out instead of doing what I was good at and outsource some tasks
I decided to spend some money on practical things that were stressing me out and preventing me from making more money.
You can’t do it all yourself. Well, you can, but you shouldn’t. You can invest in a freelance site like Fiverr or freelancer.com to manage your inbox, a bookkeeper to make it easier at tax time or a company to manage your social media platforms. Believe me; outsourcing made me feel super grown up and in business.
Perhaps for you, it’s to hire someone to do your ironing or cleaning or a nanny to free you up to do the work that you truly love and excel at, which is amazing for growing your business!
Think about where you’re at and what investment will move your business forward. I’m not saying don’t invest in self-development. I’m a huge fan and would be the empowered woman I am if I hadn’t joined great programs, but I see too many entrepreneurs like us who have an approach to investing in ourselves but not in the things that will make your life easier.
The important thing is that you have the resources you need to stop living the life of a busybody in your own business and start having the freedom again to focus on and work in your zone of genius!
Waiting for the magic solution
The other way you’re limiting your business growth: waiting for the magic solution.
Consistency is key to building a striving business, not a magical solution. The truth behind six or seven-figure business is boring.
When I first heard my high-end business mentors talking about his 10K business. His strategy was so simple, I thought hmm “This is the beginning, he’s going to dive deeper and tell us the secret behind the multiple zeros,” but that was it.
It was sticking to the basics, rinse and repeat
There’s no magic solution. People always think there is a secret sauce that successful entrepreneur don’t share with them.
Consistency is the secret weapon and leads to success
Just go deep into your zone of genius and try one thing rather than trying new things all the time.
Prioritize money mindset work every day
Here’s the third way that you to grow your business: Practice money mindset work daily.
The women I speak to say they want to work on their money mindset but don’t have the time or are waiting for the money first – which is completely
Mindset work should come first, business strategy second. Building a business with the same beliefs and money blocks will sabotage and limit your business growth
You have to find the time to work on your money mindset and treat that as just as necessary as building your business. Without it, everything else is going tedious and scary.
Money mindset work is a continuous process. Not a miracle solution.
To keep on growing, you have to do that work and clear the mental blocks. Increasing your income level is not the solution either. You might think “I’m changed forever! Hurray.” But, it is not that simple. Having more money does not fix money blocks.
I consistently work on my money mindset and clear my blocks so I can maintain and go to the next level in my business. The mindset work got me here, and it’s helping me grow as well.
It doesn’t stop it gets easier. You have to keep doing it.
Woman, it’s your time to shine and you’re ready for the next step.
Many people do not realise that they are underearners, and are surprised to know that they are not earning what they’re are worth.
As it is not a matter of how much you make, you could be making five figures, but might not be earning enough. On the other hand, you might feel you are making less, but might be an over earner.
I got a painful wake-up when I launched the online business and stepped into Entrepreneurship. It forced me to face and recognise my unhealthy behaviour with money and look for resources ways to re-program my brain.
To help you educate on the matter, here is the list that made me realise I’d been an underearner most of my life.
You might talk as if you are trapped, or might feel that you are stuck. It is natural for underearners to feel that they are stuck in a particular space, and are unable to get out of their situation.
Underearners tend to give their power away and are constantly blaming others for their shortcomings. They create situations they get stuck in and tend to throw the blame around every chance they get.
These people think too little of themselves and tend to do more for less. The kind of people who would give away their knowledge, time, skills, and experience for a lower price, because they do not feel they are worth anything more.
Underearners are known to back off as soon as things get tough, or they feel like a challenge is ahead of them. They are more comfortable staying in their comfort zone, and never push themselves to achieve more.
Underearners are known to undermine themselves, and everything they do. It might not be a conscious habit, but it exists. These people are often found in traps such as procrastinating, rationalising problems, job hopping, and other draining habits that lead to self-sabotage.
These people are unable to see their value, which makes them codependent and to put others needs before theirs. Also, they start to live in self-denial, resentment, anger, pain, and illness. If you keep on this road, you will destroy your career and your personal life.
They live from one paycheck to another and often struggle to make ends meet. Crawl under debts and do not seem to see the end. People who have high income also have these struggles when they don’t manage their money.
When it comes to money underearners tend to be vague, and live by the rules of delusion and avoidance. An underearner rarely knows how much they have left, and how much they are down in debt. Also, they live in a world of wishful thinking.
Underearners lack the courage to push themselves but do not feel anyone else deserve anything either. This can make them negative and jealous and leads to self-sabotage.
These individuals are afraid of success, as they fear rejection and failing badly. So when it’s time to take on responsibility, these underearners tend to panic and leave.
These are the top ten signs of an underearner, and what they should work on change for a better future. Remember that each sign is self-imposed, and can be worked on. Do not underestimate yourself, as it is time to take a stand and change your life for good.
A lot of us fall into this underearner bracket, the good thing is that we can change our mindset, transform our habits and upgrade our worth!
The first step is awareness, the second is acceptance and the third one is to create change.
I am happy to share the tools that got me to a better relationship with my money.
A lot of people today live their lives to please others. They do not consider the fact that they need to do what makes them happy.
Therefore they are torn in between being pleasant to everyone at the expense of their happiness.
A big part of my life was spent trying to impress the people around me.
Whether in the workplace, my friendships or my family, I was continually trying to impress hoping to find acceptance. It feels good to be loved by others, but trying to gain approval from everybody is a game that keeps you on your toes 24/7.
Living for the approval of others enslaves you to their opinions.
Living for the approval of others is a draining process and will never harvest eternal fulfilment.
Living for the approval of others is a waste of your precious life.
The truth is that not everybody would like you. That’s just the way life is, and it’s ok.
You could be the most helpful person on earth or the most celebrated saint ever to live, yet some who want to be like you or desire to wallow in evil deeds would not like you.
Hey! Even Jesus and Gandhi had people who did not like them!
I used to be a people pleaser, and I’ve always had a hard time hearing when someone didn’t like me.
Over the last few years, I’ve come to realise how dependent I was on the other’s appreciation, and I knew it was time to make a radical change.
It was time to pump up my self-worth, love myself and drop my comedy mask.
I’ve since learned it’s a good sign if some individuals don’t accept or agree with me.
I’m not suggesting we should be rude, inconsiderate, or disrespectful. This post isn’t about disregarding other people’s feelings.
It’s about releasing your stress about other people’s opinions.
Here is what letting go of that need and learning to be comfortable not being liked by everyone taught me in the past ten years.
# It allows you to be true to who you are.
You do a great disservice to yourself trying to please and adjust your behaviour for the assembly. It’s tiring (and painful) and, more importantly, pointless.
No one will get to know who you are, it will not allow you to connect at a deeper level with people who will leave you feeling sterile, empty and somehow lonely.
# It gives you the power to say no.
People are good at heart. Still, it’s human nature is to push each other’s boundaries. When you decide it’s ok to be being disliked, you also give yourself permission to say no when needed.
Yeses and Nos shape your future, so choose them wisely.
# You’re more comfortable exploring your feelings.
It feels fantastic just to be who you are without acting for someone’s sake? It’s liberating to be able to say, “Hell yeah—I’m terrified” or lonely or weak or struggling regardless of what people will think.
# Your sincerity helps others.
It’s often the least favourite people in our life who strike the deepest chord in us.
Be unpopular when necessary and push people to be their best could be the most loving act you do for them. You may just save someone’s life.
# You can express your thoughts freely.
One of the kindest things you can do for someone else is listening without judging. You deserve that same kindness, but you won’t always get it. People will form opinions as you speak. Talk anyway.
Let your words be kind but fearless.
# It prepares you for greater success.
Pick a favourite Twitter user and look at their @replies. Odds are they field their fair share of harsh comments. The higher you rise, the more attention you’ll receive, both positive and negative.
A willingness to be disliked helps you deal with the added scrutiny.
# It teaches you to offer kindness and compassion without expectations.
It’s not difficult to be compassionate to someone who treats you with respect and kindness. What’s more valuable for your personal development, and to humanity as a whole, is the ability to do what’s right because it’s right—not because you get something in return.
# You can inspire other people.
There is someone I know who has the uncanny ability to keep going even when others try to pull her down. I learn from her every day. To this woman, anyone who doesn’t appreciate her positive, over-the-top personality is a reminder that she is unique and unafraid.
# You can use your time wisely.
If you want to be liked by everyone, odds are you’re spreading yourself way too thin trying to keep them all happy. We need to use our time judiciously to enrich ourselves and others instead of worrying about everyone’s perceptions.
# You can choose to smile anyway.
You could use your energy to make daily inventories of everything wrong—the money you don’t have, the esteem you didn’t earn, the people you disappointed. Or you could commit to being your best, and then just sit back and smile. Life will always be a balancing act. Learn to teeter in serenity
Living a cautious life is criminal! (well, at least to yourself)
Therefore, in all that you do and in your relationships with people, you need to tread wisely.
Not everyone is going to like me. My writing or agree with my beliefs. A lot of people don’t like the way I dress or don’t understand the way I live my life. I’m ok with that.
I’d encourage you to take a step back and look at the bigger picture of life.
The topic of women leadership potential is still a hot topic with leaders like Oprah and Arianna Huffington asking women to lean in – there is a real need for female leadership and feminine values in our organisations and in the world.
Leadership is a simple notion that still divides opinions.
First, let’s look at what leadership is not.
Seniority or titles are not leadership.
Many people refer to top executives as leaders. Leadership doesn’t always happen when you reach a certain pay grade. You might find it there, but there are no guarantees. You can be a leader in your community, with your family.
Leadership isn’t an adjective and has nothing to do with personal attributes.
People wrongly associate the word leader with dominance, take-charge, charisma. Charismatic and extroverted people don’t automatically lead.
Do not confuse management and leadership.
There is a lot of confusion between these two. Managers plan, measure, monitor, coordinate, solve, hire, fire, and so many other things.
Typically, managers manage things. Leaders lead people.
So, what is Leadership?
Leadership is a series of social influence, that maximises the efforts of others, towards the achievement of a goal.
Leadership originates from social impact, not authority or power. It is not related to personality traits, attributes, or titles; there is a multitude of styles and paths, to effective leadership.
It always includes a goal, not influence with no intended outcome.
Why are there so few female leaders?
If we look at the business world, politics, the media, and non-profit organisation, women are under-represented at high levels.
Out of 195 heads of states around the world, only 22 are women even in so-called “developed countries.”
Men are leading 89% of the countries in the world.
While these figures are shocking, I have been wondering wonder if leadership for women means rising to the top?
Or if “rising to the top” is an aspiration that is more fitting for a masculine and outdated paradigm and that we are not approaching leadership with the feminine angle?
Do women want to be leaders?
I believe we do, but I wonder if we want to rise to the top. I am starting to learn that it’s more about raising together.
Female leadership has to do with looking out for the greatest good of all.
While I see money and profit important, I don’t see the feminine leadership adage as “money before people.” I see it as “let’s help humanity to be healthy and abundant.”
There is no doubt that feminine leaders see money as a useful tool that helps people live a better life. But we also know how people suffer when money becomes the priority over humanity.
In an article J. Oelwang, CEO of Virgin United talked about how values that used to be classified as “too feminine” are now becoming vital. “I believe women haven’t been assuming more leadership positions in the world today because the systems we’ve created do not place the right value on the strengths that women can bring to the table,” she said.
Instead of labelling these values as masculine or feminine, she calls them “Gaia values”.
She is the Divine Feminine. You might have already noticed that the Divine Feminine is coming back into our consciousness.
Gaia values are about helping all beings to live healthier and happier lives. It is never about us against them. It is about how we all prosper together.
For more women to be in leadership positions, we (both women and men) need to honour the feminine virtues of our intuitive, compassionate and emotional nature.
As a friend shared with me recently, “to endure my job, I cut myself off from my emotions — a result, she cuts off part of her intelligence.
Our emotions are the holders of our intelligence.
They are the doorway to our intuition, wisdom and our connection to our humanity.
Right now, globally, too much power is in the hands of men and the male perspective. It is tough for women to soar in this paradigm. The few women who have climbed to the top, have sacrificed a lot of their feminine essence and values to reach the top.
The key to creating a balance is to identify what we value in this world. If we carry on forcing our way to the top of the mountain using the traditional ways (i.e. survival of the fittest), I believe we would end up tumbling back down bruised and disconnected.
Our spirits are calling for something ancient. Our souls are calling for us to unleash our feminine power and operate from a place of universal compassion.
When we honour the feminine within us, we honour it around the world.
This recognition, I believe, is the new path to leadership and the world needs us to show to the next generation of women and men that is possible.
Is The essence of future leadership
is feminine at heart?
According to John Gerzema, “femininity will be the operating system of the 21st century.”
Leaders sharing their vulnerability and emotions in an authentic way. This type of leadership challenges what we find in traditional power systems today.
The values or qualities that can be characterised as more “feminine” — collaboration, connectedness, interdependence, sharing, inclusiveness — these are the values we need to build back into our leadership, our institutions and our society.
So women and armed with these Gaia values are perfectly positioned to take on powerful leadership roles in this changing world order.
The future successful businesses will incorporate these values and always do well by doing good. There has never been a better time and more critical need for women to embrace leadership roles and for all of us to embrace their Gaia.
The day I stepped into my leadership is the day I decided to leave my 9 to 5 job and learn how to run an online business. If someone had told me at the time that I would leave my 9 to 5 job, step out of my comfort zone, and then decide to pack my life and travel the world I would have laughed and dismissed their comment. Well, here I am doing exactly that, I sometimes have to pinch myself!
Nobody can reverse the trend but you and I. Don’t try to conform and fit into the mould; instead, be an example of change by fully embodying and embracing your feminine qualities.
Our future, the future of the next generation, depends on it.
For most people, the creation of new products is not determined to do the easiest and most enjoyable task. However, because it is the best way to make money online, anyone who wants to generate income fast and closer to their financial freedom learning the ropes of creation must product.
Here’s how you can make money with product creation:
1. Make Money – Solve a problem.
You will be able if you know the whole process of product creation a bit easier that the urgent problems faced by your target audience. So, before you formulate effective product ideas, consider spending at least a couple of hours on forums and blogs frequented by your prospects. You need to do this so that you personally these people can ask about the things that bother them. Then create a product that will solve their problems. For example, if they are struggling eBook writer, please send an audio product, such as MP3 or CD series featuring a step-by-step on how people can make their first electronic book without containing sweat.
2. Make Money – Physical vs. digital products.
Although there is no rule that will prevent you from making the physical or tangible products, I recommend that you stick with digital products as they are more cost-effective and easy to distribute. You can an eBook about the things that you are very passionate about starting or advanced e-coaching programs that can help your prospects to register their professional and personal development. These products will not require you need to shell out a huge amount of money for your initial investment because they are not raw materials and manpower.
3. Make Money – Be informed.
Always keep yourself posted on the latest trends taking the Internet by storm. You can do this simply by subscribing to the relevant RSS feeds and by constantly doing your research. You can also watch TV, read magazines or tune into the relevant radio programs to know what kind of sales for products like hot cakes in the offline arena. Who knows, you can fix these product ideas and to offer to Internet users.
4. Make Money – Understand your competition.
Want to get ahead of the pack, you have the strengths and weaknesses of those people who you learn from. You can use this information to ensure that your products will be as useful and valuable to the eyes of your prospects.
5. Make Money – Always remember to take your products for a test drive.
Not once, but often, to make sure all the links work properly. Ask your customers for feedback; there are improvements you can make to them – this is easy to do with information products. With the help of feedback from your customer, you can make even better products.
Life can be rough sometimes, and most people, at one time or another, feel crap. This can mean different things for different people.
It might include feeling sad, angry, stressed out, or fed up. It might also be a sense of not feeling like yourself or feeling physically sick.
Why do you feel like down?
Sometimes it is difficult to work out why. Identifying the factors that are contributing to this feeling might help you to work out how to deal with it. Remember —it’s just a feeling and it’s likely to pass.
Some reasons you might feel down:
You’ve experienced difficult or stressful events.
People around you are experiencing tough times.
Iit’s not uncommon for other people’s unhappiness to influence how you’re feeling. Seeing people you care about feeling sad is hard; it can also be because of the way they’re coping with their emotions, they are challenging to be around.
Not being able to identify the reason for how you are feeling is not uncommon. Factors that might contribute to feeling shitty include:
Stress —Stress can come from many different sources, like pressures, work or home, colleagues, friends, or even your expectations Grief —This includes the death of a loved one or the end of a relationship or friendship Depression and other mental illnesses.
Family problems, like parents going through a divorce or fighting, or transitioning to a stepfamily Issues at work, like bullying or violence Relationship or friendship problems, like breaking up or fighting with a boyfriend or girlfriend Moving into a new house Starting a new job Living with someone with a mental or physical illness or disease; Feeling bored or uninspired.
Physical or biological factors might also influence your feelings and reactions as well as how you think about yourself and the world around you. Environmental factors might include:
Not eating well Not getting enough exercise or sleep Using drugs or alcohol Being sick, or fighting off illness, which can make you feel run down and not well Chronic disease or other medical conditions.
Hormonal changes, especially for women during their menstrual cycles. It may happen a few days before you get your period, and you may not make the connection immediately.
Tips on what to do if you’re feeling down.
When you’re feeling down, you might have the urge to lash out at someone, even if they had nothing to do with your feelings. Here are some ideas that might stop you from blowing up and help you get to a happier place.
Once you figure out what might be causing you to feel down, you can do something about it. On the ReachOut site, you’ll find tonnes of info on different issues, including depression, family and relationships and suggestions on how to manage your feelings and where to get help.
Talk to someone.
Talking to someone you feel comfortable with, like a friend, parent or counsellor, can be a great way of expressing your feelings. These people might also be able to help you identify why you are feeling down and work out strategies for dealing with it.
Sometimes getting some space away from what is making you feel this way or a change of scenery can be helpful. Go for a walk or listening to your favourite music, reading a book, going to the movies, or whatever works for you.
Express your feelings.
I find that writing down my feelings can be a great way of understanding my current emotions in a particular situation. It can also help you come up with alternative solutions to problems.
Express your feelings in a way that won’t cause bodily damage to yourself or another person. Try yelling or crying into a pillow, dancing around the room to loud music or punching a pillow. My favourite is to pull some Beyonce, or Shakira moves on loud music in my kitchen 🙂
Post in the forums.
You can also share your struggle anonymously in the ReachOut forums in a non-judgmental space and get support from others who have been where you are and gotten through it.
Find things to do to distract yourself from feeling low, and that gets you thinking creatively. This includes drawing a picture, writing a poem, or playing a game. Even though you might not feel like it, at first, even a little creativity might be enough to shift your mood.
Take care of yourself.
Feeling low may be your body telling you it needs to take time out, and pushing yourself might make things worse.
Take time out to spoil yourself by doing something that you usually enjoy. Even though you might not feel like it, exercising getting plenty of sleep and eating well help a lot.
Exercise stimulates endorphins, which help you feel better. I f you haven’t done a lot of exercises before, it might be a good idea to start doing something small a couple of times each week, such as a 15-minute walk or cycle.
Avoid alcohol or other drugs (including lots of caffeine or other energy-boosting drinks) in the hopes of feeling better. The feeling temporary and the side effects often make you feel worse.
Endlessly searching for how making money on the Internet? Well, you’re not alone. There are a lot of people trying to find this information. By far the easiest way to make money on the internet is affiliate marketing.
Affiliate marketing is when you promote another product. In return, you receive a commission when the product is sold. Most people prefer to promote digital products because the payoff can be as high as seventy-five percent. This can translate into big bucks by pushing a large amount of traffic. Affiliate marketing can be divided into five simple steps.
Affiliate Marketing Step 1
Set up your own website or blog to promote the product. If you are low on funds, you can always use a free host likeBloggeror WordPress. One of these sites is very easy to use and only takes to set up a while.
Try searching Google and clicking on the sponsored results to get an idea of how to set up your product review page.
Affiliate Marketing Step 2
Choose a product to promote on your website. The easiest way to do this is by searching the Clickbank marketplace for products with the highest gravity.
It is best to choose at least 3 products to see to give your traffic to pick and choose what.
Affiliate Marketing Step 3
You need traffic to your website.
This is absolutely essential in learning how making money on the internet. The best way to get traffic to start is by writing blog posts.
Blogging is paramount to the success of your marketing. Without it, your SEO will tank, you’ll have nothing to promote in social media, you’ll have no clout with your leads and customers, and you’ll have fewer pages to put this valuable calls-to-action that generate inbound leads.
Need I say more? This is probably the most important step.
Affiliate Marketing Step 4
Build backlinks to your website.
Backlinks help in getting better search engine rankings. They also help search engine bots discover links to your site and crawl your site effectively. Especially for a new website, it is important to get backlinks as they help in the faster discovery and indexing of your site.
Imagine having your website in Google for your target keyword. Traffic will grow significantly, and you will gradually increase your revenue.
Affiliate Marketing Step 5
Focus and go no matter what. You would feel discouraged and want to give up if you do not start to make money right away. Do not give up. Keep pushing forward toward your goals and you will be able to make money on the internet.
Anyone who takes consistent action and works hard can succeed and earn money online.
This is because you have a global market available to you where you can connect with over a billion people, 24 hours per day, 7 days per week, 365 days a year!
Affiliate Marketing – Final Thoughts And Tips
I look forward to providing you with further information that will guide you as you market your products and services online.
Going into business for yourself can be scary business. Mentors can have an enormous impact on early-stage startups. Their experiences can save entrepreneurs from suffering from the same startup mistakes they’ve already made.
You can make an application to join a Digital Business Education Company > getting started with a new lifestyle video and learn more about how to use free and paid online marketing strategies and becoming a successful online marketer and digital entrepreneur.
Traffic generation is the lifeblood of your online business.
>> This free online business start-up training at this link will help you >> CLICK HERE.
Run a business with heart Written By Cynthia Serra Neves How to Make Money on the Internet – Affiliate Marketing in 5 Easy Steps – Back To Top
Related Article–How to Make Money on the Internet in 5 Easy Steps – Affiliate Marketing
Home Business Lifestyle and Coaching with Cynthia Serra Neves, helping others to graduate to a new level of understanding who they are and what they can achieve
If you’ve been on the internet for any length of time, you’ve probably heard about people working to make a livable income from their home. You may be thinking about starting an internet business itself, but just could not figure out how to make money online.
Using the Internet to generate income is not a difficult process. When you break down, the steps they are quite easy and simple. Here’s how to make money online in five easy steps.
# 1 Find a chance
The hardest part of making money online is finding the right opportunity. What you choose will do, of course, the focus of your efforts so you want to make sure you pick wisely. Tap into a home based business opportunity that a valuable service or product that people are interested in buying offers. Make sure it’s not too expensive and that you are able to effectively market to people outside of your family and friends.
# 2 you get a website
Having a website is crucial to making money online. It is the place where both customers and potential business partners will go to learn more about your business and purchase your products.
There are many places online that your website hosted. However, it is best to buy a domain name and host your own website below. Besides the fact that free web hosts tend to limit what you can do in their area, hosting your website on its own domain makes you look more professional, and encourages people to trust you.
# 3 Set up a web presence
People cannot buy from you if they do not know you exist. So you need to get out on the internet and introduce yourself to people. It’s about getting into social networking sites like Twitter and participate take place at the hundreds of thousands of calls, or you can visit other websites and enable the owner and their visitors in the comments section.
# 4 Market your business
Do not be shy to tell people about your business. There is an arsenal of promotional tools on the Internet that you can use to your advantage. Article marketing, advertising, blogging, posting instructional videos; all of these are great ways of spreading the word about your business and drawing curious visitors to your website.
# 5-Build on your successes
It is important to try many things to build your business. It is even more important to track what works and build on those successes. For example, if you find that email marketing is bringing in the money, find other ways to follow people on your email list.
Learning how to make money online is a bit of a challenge and can be overwhelming if you’re just starting. Keep it simple and focus on the task at hand. Let these five steps your guide to creating a home-based business that will bring years of joy and profit.
Final Thoughts And Tips
I hope this has been helpful and I look forward to providing you with further information that will guide you as you market your products and services online.
If it feels daunting to start an online business on your own, view this > getting started with a new lifestyle video< you can make an application to join a Digital Business Education Company and learn more about how to use free and paid online marketing strategies and becoming a successful online marketer and digital entrepreneur.
Traffic generation is the lifeblood of your online business. >> This free online business start-up training at this link will help you >> CLICK HERE.
Run a business with heart
Written By Cynthia Serra Neves – 5 Affiliаtе Mаrkеting Tiрѕ tо Imрrоvе Yоur Buѕinеѕѕ – Back To Top Related Article – How to Make Money on the Internet in 5 Easy Steps – Affiliate Marketing.
Affiliate marketing is a perfect way to become an expert in the industry and test the market as to whether there are a sufficient amount of “buyers” in your niche whether you have a product idea or not.
Affiliate marketing will give you a good grounding into the world of working from home online and enable you to hold back a while before you launch your own product.
I hope this has been helpful and I look forward to providing you with further information that will guide you as you market your products and services online.
If it feels daunting to start an online business on your own, view this > getting started with a new lifestyle video < you can make an application to join a Digital Business Education Company and learn more about how to use free and paid online marketing strategies and becoming a successful online marketer and digital entrepreneur. Traffic generation is the essence of your online business. >> Discover an online business start-up training >> CLICK HERE.
It may be a simple one or an elaborate thousand- piece jigsaw puzzle. Either way, as you work through this jigsaw puzzle of life, chances are that you’re going try to force the parts to fit together in odd ways.
They look like they have the right shape, but as you carry on, you realise that they’re not aligned. So what do you have to do? You start again and reassemble those pieces the proper way.
Look at your life
You might think it’s going smoothly. Your family looks happy. You seem to progress in your job.
Then one day, you’re made redundant, betrayed by the boss you trusted and relied upon to help further your career.
This situation blindsides you. Your perfect world suddenly collapses. Or maybe you’ve planned a six months trip around the world with your fiance — tickets and accommodations booked — and she/he breaks up with you one week before departure.
You beat yourself up about it thinking, “How could I have made such a terrible mistake?”
The answer is this
You are a jigsaw puzzle assembled the wrong way. However, the wrong way is often the right path. It’s a blessing to be “wrong”.
It hurts, but to your advantage it allows you to uncover the truth. This type of information is worth a king’s ransom.
You may have to rearrange a few puzzle pieces, or it may be an entire part. Mistakes are gifts whatever the size of the challenge.
Being wrong is an eye-opener; it uncovers the truth and allows change to come.
Change fuels growth and evolution
Don’t ever be scared to trust someone, build a business or fall madly in love.
There is no right or wrong there is just an opportunity to reassemble the pieces of your puzzle, change their position, put them in a new section and learn how to connect the pieces at precisely the perfect points.
When you do so, you’ll start seeing the big picture.
Assemble YOUR life just as you would a jigsaw puzzle.
Bit by bit. Section by section. You may get impatient at times, or discouraged, or feel as though you’d instead stop.
What you have to remember is that the pieces are all there. When you try different ways to place them where they belong you discover more connections.
Soon you begin to visualise and perceive images as they come together to form the overall vision of your life.
Do you have a goal, a dream?
What does your jigsaw puzzle look like? Are the pieces falling into place, or are you forcing them to fit where they don’t belong? If the image is incomplete, keep trying; the answers are all inside of you.
And at this very moment, an unexpected picture is revealing itself to you one “gift” and one “piece” at a time.
“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything”.
—George Bernard Shaw
Disruption is the force I stand for in every blog I write.
But it’s not enough to only talk about ideas. We have to be part of them. So I’ve turned my life—my mindset, my body and my relationships—into a lab for disruption and innovation.
Disrupting myself and everything I have ever known is my riskiest and scariest move to date.
All my life people have been telling me: You should be a teacher a translator, or you should open a shop. NO. I am not that, and I never will be. Furthermore, I want to be more than any of that; I want to be a voice — the intersection of culture, entrepreneurship and life.
That’s what I want to be, and that’s what I hope I represent.
So welcome entrepreneurs. We may fail. We may succeed.
Our new way of living and thinking may cause a commotion. Guess what? That’s the point. That’s Disruption. I stand alongside your journey toward change because I believe in what you are doing, and want to be a part of it. Because together, we represent the future of our economy and our culture.
Change isn’t easy.
As I learned through redesigning my life, there are hard days, budgetary constraints, disagreements and hurt feelings and times when I wonder why I started this crazy undertaking at all.
When you wish you had just played it safe and were doing something, anything, else.
You stick to it because what you are doing is not just important—it may be your legacy. Also if it were straightforward, everyone would be doing it.
A decade ago entrepreneurship was associated with fraud, trickery. Being an entrepreneur meant not having a job.
Look how things have evolved, and now entrepreneurship is a synonym of vision, risk, character, influence because it is now about living the dream. It is more than being your boss because it is about creating something and change mentalities or the course of history.
Look at the best-performing companies, leaders, personalities, cultures and operations—and, more important, why they perform. For any entrepreneurs, it’s an excellent way to find lessons, takeaways and hints to building a sustainable company—one that will stand for disruption for years to come.
Entrepreneurs aren’t just building businesses; they’re building stronger communities by helping resolve issues.
The heart of my business is my love for women; I am a Feminist who wants to empower women in all areas of their lives and convert their problems and doubts into opportunities.
Finally, if this resonates with you if you have a dream and want to be at service of others and provide value to your communities and the world try our 1-month free trial leading edge educational programme by clicking now on the link below.
My name is Cynthia, I live in London and used to work in retail as a store manager then as a sales project manager. I worked 60 to 65 hours a week and had to commute four hours a day. I felt drained, used and resentful, I never had the time or freedom to make choices without having to report to a boss. Still, I was tolerating this situation.
Well, I didn’t know any better. My environment of friends, family and work colleagues shaped my belief system, and I thought that getting an education and climbing the corporate ladder was the only path to success. I saw myself continually working hard in something with no passion.
To afford a living and stay stuck in a system of working harder and harder to pay my bills. Depressing hey!
It all changed in 2014; I just got back from 2 weeks holidays with my family. I had a great time with family and old friends, but also realised they had experienced things I didn’t know about and had not been a part of because I lived abroad and only saw them for two weeks once a year.
Why? Because I was slaving away at something I was not passionate about and no time to spend with the most important people in my life?
That was my Wake Up Call
I started searching for ways to generate more income so I had more time and freedom. Following my passion for coaching, I started saving money, enrolled in a Coaching Training course and started working part time. Finally, I was going to follow my passion. I was so excited by the prospect of becoming a coach, help people and spend less time in my job.
After three months of study, I got stuck, I had not done enough research in the course and found it tough and scary to do it on my own with no mentorship. I lost motivation, confidence, and gave up. I beat myself up for this and felt stuck for months, feeling sorry and angry at myself and incapable of taking action.
BACK TO THE TRUTH
After eighteen months of procrastination, I decided to get a coach to help me get my Mojo back. My coach Oranit helped me graduate to a crystal clear level of understanding of who I am and what I want to achieve.
Who says that your reality has to suck? Your reality is whatever you perceive it to be. Once you realise you have the CHOICE and ABILITY to take control of your life that feeling of being an energetic, brave soul comes back, believe me, the world becomes exciting again!
Freedom was my goal, and I wasn’t sure how to achieve that. So I started (rather obsessively) reading, searching watching, following inspiring, influential, wealthy, successful people and noticed the common denominator between them was Entrepreneurship. My mindset on business life and money started shifting.
I started thinking I want my own business. How am I going to achieve the lifestyle of my dreams? Is there a solution out there? I had to find a way knowing I had no savings and a part time salary that barely provided for my basic needs.
It was there all along!
The Internet is a flexible platform that allows anyone to set up a business quickly with low costs. Not only that, running a digital business allows a person to set up automated systems that could generate income and sales from anywhere in the world. All you need is a laptop and an Internet connection.
No boss to report to, no cap on my earnings and no one to tell me when I can and can’t take holidays!
After a long debate with myself, I emailed my friends and family and borrowed money and invested in my first mentors and digital education program. I had support at every level through setting up my first online business. As a student, I can earn while I learn this new skill.
I have quit my job and never felt so free, happy and relaxed. I have now been in this program for eight months; I am still mastering this digital business. I have to work hard, but the rewards have exceeded my expectations. I will soon live the life I have crafted in my mind for years, take care of my family, coach women into entrepreneurship, and have the privilege to buddy anyone who wants to start this business while growing a passive income.
WE ALL DESERVE TO LIVE LIFE ON OUR TERMS
If building your own business is new to you, you know how difficult the transition from ’employee’ to ‘entrepreneur’ can be! You will a support team, coaches and a whole community to guide you through that transition and getting you to think (and act) as an entrepreneur.
If you are interested learning what I do, I would like to share with you the same training I used to get myself started.
You are in for a treat, at the moment we have a 30-day free trial access and then it’s just $25/m if you decide to stay on
This training is packed with information and will give you a clear picture of what it takes and how it all works. You’ll also learn how you can get started in the simplest, fastest and safest way.
I hope my story inspires you to go for YOUR dream!
In your consciousness, you have a store cupboard where you accumulate everything that you have endured. It has files of childhood, files of your relationship and different experiences. Some contain bad experiences and pain.
The heart may hurt, broken or wounded. You carry it with you. What do do with the past? What has the past done to you? The past is already gone; the situation has passed.
Letting go is the best way to erase the pain that there is in your soul, and that has left furrows on your brain and your heart.
Meditation is the tool I used to heal my heart, but also, physically, I erased the impact that experiences of pain had left on my body.
With deep meditation, not with a relaxation of a few minuted. I have healed my fears, pains and the sorrows I have accumulated in my life.
On letting go of the baggage of the past, the blocks that you have in the present, brought on by previous experiences, will disappear.
Simply let go of it, don’t question it, and don’t re-live that situation in your mind even one more time. Let go of it, it already happened.
When did that happen in 1998, in 2000, yesterday, whenever?
It happened, let it go; don’t cling to it anymore.
It is greed, bitterness, anger, fear, attachment and dependence that make you hold to it.
Let all those accumulated experiences that put you in a victim position, make you drink, take drugs, overeat or starve yourself, be surrounded by toxic people, vanish. Be wise let go of what extinguishes you!
It is crucial to be at peace with your past to fully enjoy your present.
Full stop to the past. Live in the NOW.
Do you every feel crazy busy and so overwhelmed that you can’t get things done because there is a too much going on? Whether it’s information overload, tonnes of projects or technology shooting from every direction?
1- Define specific goals.
The great thing about modern life is you can do so much, and the problem is you can do so much! So it becomes critical to define what you want to do and simplify things down. I suggest that you have three short-term goals (today), three medium term goals (2 to 4 weeks), three long-term goals (6 to 12 months) and 3-lifetime goals. Like this you work towards short-term and long-term goals, it helps you prioritise and forces you to stay focused and lift a huge weight from your shoulders. When we try to do too much, we get overwhelmed and at the end of the day, realise we were busy but still did not accomplish much. People underperform because they fail to prioritise and define specific goals.
2 – Stop screen sucking
There is this common tendency of checking emails, social medias, messages. We start by checking one email and an hour later we are still glued on to the screen, sucking away at it! Screens exert a hypnotic power over our eyeballs, and we lose track of time and of what we’re not doing. Screens have now become interactive and activate the same dopamine circuitry that drives addictions; it captures your attention, you don’t give it away it seduces away from you. So beware of screen sucking, one way to prevent it is to have a set amount of time that you reserve for the digital world, and then turn it off otherwise it’s like a jar sweets on your desk you keep reaching for it. There’s something irresistible about an unopened message that we can’t resist.
People spend a least 20 minutes dealing with unplanned interruptions. It’s a colossal waste, not only we spend time dealing with the disruption but it takes time, and it’s not easy to get back to what we had been doing and reconstitute our focus.
3 – Think about It
Don’t say yes to everything. Most of us tend to be quickly very generous and say sure I’ll do it, and it’s a great asset, but if you’re not careful, it becomes a liability. Before we know it, we’re over-committed, over-stretched over-booked and about to snap.
You can say no directly and if you are not comfortable doing so try to say let me think about it and I will get back to you then you can say I thought about it I don’t have time to do justice to your project. People will appreciate your honesty and approach.
4 – Never worry alone.
The irony of modern life is that we are super connected electronically, but as we’ve done so, we have disconnected interpersonally. There is an awful lot of unacknowledged loneliness out there. People miss that sense of affiliation, of belonging, and company. Keep in mind the people that you can call to worry about money, relationships, work, close friends you can worry about anything but we also need people with expertise.
Three things to do when worrying, don’t do it alone, get your facts because Toxic worry is usually rooted in the wrong information, the lack of information or both. The last step is to make a plan; when we have a plan, we feel more in control, and less vulnerable wich makes us more efficient. Worrying becomes toxic when we are alone; we overthink, dramatise, globalise, get paralysed, anchored down, then you withdraw and disconnect. Sharing the worry with someone is problem-solving and then the next minute you laughing about it.
5- Cultivate your garden and get rid of weeds.
Your garden is the people or projects that are worth it.
They may take a lot of time and effort, may cause you all kinds of pains and agony but in the long run, they are worth it. To have time for your garden, you’ve got to get rid of weeds: people or projects that are not worth it. They may be worth it in their own right but not to you; they don’t pay back the time that you put in. People keep weeds for two reasons guilt or inertia. Withdraw from them so you can prioritise and focus on what matters to you.
We often forget to use the control we have.
You are stronger than you think.
People that are hungry for success are not playing at being successful.
They don’t even ask that question because even if they fail they’re going to keep going no matter what. So when people ask the question “is it ok to fail”? I worry and wonder if it is because they want a place to hide. I fear that it’s because they want to give themselves job security.
If you want to own your life, the first thing you throw out of the window is job security. You also need to realise that failure is the most valuable learning opportunity that there will ever be. If you show that you learn from your mistakes, it almost doesn’t matter how big the mistake is. What is important is that you earn the reputation of being a person who learns from a mistake.
When I started my online business, I wrote a few bullet points about my belief system and one of them is that failing is fine and does not make you a failure!
If someone tells me don’t do it, you might fail. Regardless of what they say I still decide to go out and fail.
If I fail, I move quickly beyond it and actively learn from my mistakes and look at them as an education.
People that succeed don’t repeat the same mistakes over and over. They don’t set out to fail; they set out to move fast and do something great. They talk about failure only as a reminder that it’s potent, that failure is a lesson, they’re focused on moving forward.
So the real question you should be asking yourself is what reputation do I need to earn?
The reputation you want everyone to know is the one of a person who doesn’t stop when they hit an obstacle they keep going. That person is driven, has got a vision and is going to accomplish it. People would follow someone like that.
Now if you want to be a leader there is no rule manual, there are only people understanding your vision and inspired by you. I just heard an excellent quote recently “If you really want to be a great person in a great relationship, then the person by your side, should feel better about themselves when they walk away.
Think about that for a minute. That’s a leader.
They should feel better for having spent time with you the mere act of being in your presence makes them feel better about them, not about you! Now that’s a reputation I would love to earn for myself. That is what we should be focused on. To get the results, you’re going to have to pick yourself up, to brush yourself off, get the skills you are lacking and led to your failure in the first place. Learn from that mistake figure out how it’s applicable, show the world that it’s not going to stop you or slow you down and that you’re going to keep going. Find the fire in your guts, feed that fire and turn it into something real and you will become unstoppable, why because YOU choose to be.
What the F does it matter whether mistakes are ok or not? You build that reputation, let people see it pouring out of every action, you have a vision and know exactly what you want to accomplish with your life and you’re going F. to do it.
Own the fact that you are not yet the person you need to be in order to accomplish it. Don’t worry about that because you’re hell bent to acquire the skills you need to execute and achieve the things you want.
Think about your reputation, don’t worry about failure. Reflect on who you want to be, focus on things that built lasting happiness. Remember that fire that gets you out of bed and makes you want to be a better version of yourself.
It’s ok because you say it’s ok not because I say it’s ok.
Let’s talk about the maximum impact and the ultimate performance and hyper epic productivity.
Would you like to be productive? I know that you want. Because productivity equals fulfilment. Productivity enables progress, therefore, achievement. When you’re productive, you’re doing something meaningful, and you’re progressing in moving forward and live a fulfilling life.
Tonnes of research, as well as my little personal experience, prove that the most masterful one becomes, the more they follow a specific daily system and routine. Why? Two straightforward and inarguable reasons:
Efficiency and Effectiveness
Research on the wealthiest people of the world found that about 85% of them have a daily routine that they follow.
Do you have a routine?
In the past two weeks, I have asked friends and co-workers to describe their days, most of them describe it in a comprehensive, nonspecific fashion.
That’s why their results are not where they want them to be, not the only reason but one of the reasons.
Ultimate performers have a plan; they have a routine. Now, why is this important? There is a phenomenon in psychology called decision fatigue. You and I are every single days flooded with devastating distractions.
The masses are addicted to complexity; the masters are committed to simplicity.
The act of making a decision erodes your ability to make later decisions; Psychologists call it decision fatigue; This is why shopping for groceries can be so exhausting, and judges give harsher rulings later in the day.
Managing decision fatigue calls for the high-value, low-effort systemisation that entrepreneurs swear by.
What the masters understand is that there is a limited amount of willpower, this is science-based.
If you are using your willpower on low-level activities when it comes to the higher level activities, you are not going to have the willpower you need.
Now here is what else research tells us, you spend about 18%of your entire life; showering, shaving, fixing your hair, fixing your makeup, deciding what to eat and eat!
What’s the ROI (return on investment) on those particular activities, think about it! What’s the return investment you are getting on almost 20% of your entire life?
What you must do is routinise yourself.
It’s called the level of automaticity in psychology that means things happen, and you don’t even have to think about them.
You don’t want to spend your limited amount of willpower on deciding what to wear or eat and then make poor decisions when it comes to high leverage decisions.
Steve Job was always wearing a black turtleneck and jeans.
Mark Zuckerberg always wears in public a T-shirt, hoodie and jeans, when asked he said: “I really want to simplify my life so that
I have to make as few decisions as possible about anything except how to best serve the community.”
President Barak Obama “You’ll see I wear only grey or blue suits, I’m trying to pare down decisions. I don’t want to make decisions about what I’m eating or wearing.
Because I have too many other decisions to make.” You need to focus your decision-making energy.
You need to routinise yourself. You can’t be going through the day distracted by trivia.”
it’s a pretty wise habit from a guy who’s in charge of making a lot of very critical and weighty decisions.
Even decisions that seem trivial and mundane, like what to eat for breakfast, can be exhausting over time; and will burn up your willpower. Please read that again.
Research suggests it takes 21 days to develop a new habit. A more recent study at the University of London suggests that it takes 66 days.
Which is more accurate? Who knows?
One thing is sure between 21 days and 66 days you will have to use willpower (which remember is limited), to lock in the new behaviour.
After that is when the real magic begins. For after that time, the new routine is locked in and becomes a habit.
How does this impact Ultimate Performance?
I don’t ever have even to think about doing these habituated things.
Therefore, you conserve your willpower for important decisions.
In addition to routine, adhering to a particular productivity method can be a fantastic way to manage willpower throughout the day.
Try this quiz to help you choose a plan that complements your working style.
Are you addicted to the complexity of the masses?
Or are you committed to the simplicity of mastery?
What’s your One Thing? What do you choose?
Just think of how much better it will feel when you hear yourself saying “that was a productive day.”
You deserve to accomplish what matters to you. Be bold, Be Epic and Go for it.
Think about it.
It’s your decision.
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