Hello Hive, I am really buzzing 🐝 today because I get to tell you all about what I do, why I do it and how it gets me bouncing out of bed every day and ready to go for it! I aim to get you into that state of flow too, so keep listening for your weekly sprinkle of goodness…
Anything is possible when you have the right people to support you’ – Misty Copeland
Eu est quot porro legimus, ne elitr aliquam menandri duo, quo dictas vituperata ut. Ei mei tale expetendis.
The Wind Beneath Your Wings
So why do you need a mindset coach? The short answer is to help you achieve your goals and to support you on your journey. A mindset coach is there to help you weigh your decisions, identify what is or isn’t working and buoy you up. A mindset coach helps you to rewire your brain and your way of thinking and being.
Especially for entrepreneurs, mindset coaching allows you to enter the slipstream of those who have transitioned to leadership and digital business before you, making your ride much less bumpy!
You get to benefit from personal support, experience and knowledge.
‘Whether you think you can or think you can’t. You are right.’ –Henry Ford
Things That Make You Go Mmm
Mindset Coaching isn’t therapy. It is product development with you as the product!
Listen in to discover the tools and techniques that are used to help you reach your fullest potential:
Mindset Techniques – (01:09)
Misalignment to Motivation (03:18)
Make the Leap (09:31)
‘What the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve’ – Napoleon Hill
Self-limiting beliefs feed into negative behaviours, whether conscious or unconscious and keep you playing small.
Perhaps you think you can’t do this on your own? Think you don’t deserve success?
It is my job to help you unlock those patterns that hold you back, help you with an action plan and help keep you accountable on your trajectory towards leadership and entrepreneurial success.
I get such an incredible buzz out of nurturing budding ambitions, breaking down years of negative thinking and/or conditioning and witnessing clients stepping forward to embrace their destiny with confidence and freedom. For some, it is the first time in their lives that they have allowed themselves to be real, to be vulnerable and give themselves permission to chase their dreams. It is truly humbling and exhilarating for both client and coach.
It is why I do what I do.
Giving yourself the gift of a positive mindset really can be a game-changer that transforms you into a magic maker! So what are you waiting for?
Hello Hive, let’s get another meaningful Monday up and away!
Are you ready to start reclaiming your time? YES!
Are you ready to improve your mental wellbeing? YES!
Want more time to work on your passion project? OF COURSE!
Sounds great, right?
But what if I tell you that to do this you have to learn to say ‘NO!’…… Hmmm!
“Successful people say no to almost everything.” ~ Warren Buffet
The Disease To Please
Why do we struggle so much to say no even when we know that not doing so is detrimental to us in some way? It is a common affliction but especially prevalent amongst women.
Little girls are ‘Sugar and spice and all things nice’ and to be acknowledged as a ‘good girl’ usually has meant sublimating our wants and needs to please and caretake others. People-pleasing is rooted in fear and is focussed on earning approval and love.
Denying your true feelings due to fear of the response is draining and places a massive strain on your time, energy and emotional wellbeing. We want others to like us and accept us; we want to show up for them, meet their expectations, and please them.
However, this can change into an unhealthy lack of boundaries, a blurring of what is reasonable and manageable and contribute to a negative cycle of low self-esteem, loneliness and feelings of failure, So what is the cure?
“It’s only by saying “no” that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.” ~ Steve Jobs
R.E.S.P.E.C.T. – Find Out What It Means To Me
Aretha Franklin sang it loud and proud; now, it is your turn! Listen in to these bookmarked play points. Your strategy for saying ‘Yes’ to yourself, embracing your power and respecting and being respected by others starts here!
The Sky Won’t Fall Down (05:33)
Say What You Mean And Mean What You Say (05:54)
The Universe Will Not Punish You For Having Boundaries (05:58)
Get Clear On Who You Are And What You Want (06:29)
What Is Your Motivation? (07:13)
Get Ready For Resistance (07:39)
Walk Your Talk (08:09)
You’ve Got The Power (09:05)
The 10 Things You Need to Say No to Right Now! (09:59)
“Our first and last love is self-love” ~ Christian Nestell Bovee
Start Being Your Own Best Friend
Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish. You are none of those things. Anybody who gets upset and/or expects you to say yes all of the time doesn’t have your best interests at heart. You have a right to say NO without having to explain yourself.
You have the right to have your wishes and time respected. Taking care of your own needs is no less selfish than taking care of others, YOU are a somebody too!
Words Of Wisdom – Quotes To Reflect Upon
‘You will always have a hard time saying no as long as you care more about how you are perceived outweighs how much you care about yourself.’
‘You become useful..but you don’t realise until too late that the exploitative joke is on you.’
‘Before you can master the art of saying ‘No’, you have to clearly define what it is you are saying ‘Yes’ to by saying and acting on ‘No’.’
‘Emotional Political Correctness is Boring AF!’
‘Everything sold cheaply is boring because there is already an abundance of it! Know your worth!’
‘Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive.’
Welcome Listeners! This week I am going to speak about an important subject – Boundaries.
We all need them as every healthy relationship and interaction depends upon them. Setting and maintaining boundaries is an essential skill that many of us never actively learn.We tend to just muddle through until now.
So start by giving yourself the gift of undisturbed time to listen in on how to set up, maintain and reap the benefits of boundaries.
‘Your Boundaries Protect The Inner Core Of Your Identity And Your Right To Choices’ ~ Gerard Manley Hopkins
What are Personal Boundaries and Why are they so Important?
A personal boundary is whatever your limit is about how others treat you. What you will or won’t tolerate.They protect our sense of self-identity and stop us from being overwhelmed by the demands of others. They signal to others how we want to be treated, and prevent us from feeling used, being spread too thin, or in desperate need of defending ourselves.
They also empower us to stand in our own space without blaming or playing the victim. We get to take care of our own “stuff” and don’t wait for another person to solve all our problems.
‘Givers Need To Set Limits Because Takers Rarely Do’ ~ Rachel Wolchin
Good Fences Make Good Neighbours
A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect. When someone acts in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that’s a cue that they may be violating or crossing a boundary.While most people will respect your boundaries when you explain what they are and will expect that you will do the same for them; some people don’t understand where you end and they begin.
People who try to invade your space are not thinking about you or how pushing the limits of your boundaries will affect you. They feel entitled to get whatever they ask for because in their minds their needs are more important than yours. Our earliest experiences around trust can form the blueprint for how we interact later in life.
If we have had our trust violated in any way, then it can make it difficult for us to know when our boundaries are ignored, or we may not even know what our limits are.
We cannot change others. We are not responsible for what comes out of their mouth, the choices they make, or their reactions. The bottom line is that since you can’t change other people, change how you deal with them!
Let’s explore boundaries in more detail. I have bookmarked play points for you to listen to at your leisure:
Why Having Boundaries Is A Win/Win For You (01:49)
What Are Personal Boundaries? (03:35)
How Boundaries Are Set In Childhood (09:13)
Repercussions In Personal Relationships (11:24)
Identify Your Limits (13:08)
Examples of Healthy Boundaries (13:32)
Signs That You Lack Personal Boundaries (15:43)
How to Set Boundaries (17:14)
Healthy Boundaries in Relationships (18:30)
What do Healthy Personal Boundaries Feel Like? (20:59)
Don’t Worry, Be Happy (23:18)
‘Daring To Set Boundaries Is About Having The Courage To Love Ourselves, Even When We Risk Disappointing Others’ ~ Brené Brown
You Are In Charge Of Your Choices
The better you know yourself, the better you can understand and choose to be around the people that best mirror the kind of life experience you want to have. Gently allow yourself to imagine how your life will be different when you learn to speak your truth. How will you change? How will your daily life become richer? How might you feel more authentic in your relationships? Keep your vision at the forefront of your mind as you make the decisions that are best for you, day by day.
Expect some push back when you first start exerting your boundaries but look upon it as resistance training that flexes the muscle of your boundary and makes it stronger! The more you practice, the better your results will be, so don’t get disheartened if your initial attempts don’t go the way you want.
Sometimes it takes time to establish your red lines. Still, once they are in place and everyone is on board, it is full steam ahead to a destination of enhanced self-confidence, personal integrity and self-respect that enables you to live your life feeling happier and more fulfilled.
What steps will you be taking towards embracing your power in your dealings with others today?Feel free to share your boundary setting stories, comments and tips below.
Until next time, remember that setting boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s self-love. You say “yes” to yourself each time you say “no.”. So go ahead, You are worth it!
Words of Wisdom – Quotes from this episode
If you don’t have boundaries in your relationships, then you will never have REAL relationships
Boundaries make you a winner
You are the CEO of YOU!
Boundaries communicate how you expect people to treat you
Boundaries will never change a toxic person or situation into something non-toxic
What people say and do is about them
Other people are entitled to their feelings as I am entitled to mine
The only people who have a problem with you having boundaries are those who benefit from their absence
Greetings and welcome to this week’s Cynspiration podcast in which I will be talking to Christina Frey about the best ways to overcome one of the most common problems faced by almost everyone – Find the Guts to Speak on Public!
‘Find your voice and inspire others to find theirs. Don’t ignore the longing to make a difference’ ~ Steven Covey.
Just the mention of it is enough to make everything clench and beads of sweat to form on your forehead, right? We almost all need to speak in public at some time in our lives; a speech at a wedding, a presentation, a sales pitch or a podcast yet the fear of having to put yourself front and centre can be crippling. It is more important than ever to be able to pitch your ideas and product in an ever-competitive entrepreneurial world in your own unique and compelling voice.
When You Own Your Voice, You Own Your Power
At the heart of anxiety, surrounding speaking in public or to a target audience is confidence. Christina says that it is our inner critic that holds us back and stops us sharing authentically. We fear being judged. We fear not being enough. We fear making mistakes. We fear our message will be ignored or ridiculed. We fear being rejected. We fear that we will stumble over our words.
‘A woman with a voice is, by definition, a strong woman. But the search for that voice can be remarkably difficult’ ~ Melinda Gates.
When we put ourselves forward, it can be quite threatening to ourselves and others. We crave approval from those closest to us and yet they can find it disconcerting to look at us in a different light. They (and we) have a psychological schema in place about who we are, how we behave and our place in the world and this can compel us to subdue and suppress our voices to maintain the status quo, even as adults. When we put ourselves forward to speak to others in a business capacity, we present as experts or knowledgable but are we feeling that inside?
Christina explains the psychology surrounding the fear of speaking out: [05:05]
What can we do to find our voice, claim our space and speak with confidence?
Speak For Success
‘All the great speakers were bad speakers at first’ ` Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Everyone starts from the same baseline when it comes to personal presentations and even the most charismatic speakers such as Tony Robbins did not always have a commanding presence and compelling delivery – they had to learn and practice too! Listen in to Christina give her best advice to get you to speaking for success and facing forwards on your journey as a confident person and successful entrepreneur.
Get into the Right Mindset
Acknowledging Your Limiting Beliefs (19:36)
Find Your Message (20:10)
Observe As Many Public Speakers As You Can (22:35)
Join A Public Speaking Class Or Group (23:25)
Make Use Of All the Free Information Available Online (26:22)
Get Ready To Deliver
Don’t allow being self-conscious to hold you back (27:15)
Talking to the Man (or Woman) In The Mirror (28:00)
Listen To and Love The Sound Of Your Voice (28:26)
Avoid Stimulants Before Your Talk/Video (28:56)
Wear Comfortable Clothes (30:25)
Take Time To Prepare (31:01)
Enjoy Audience Feedback and Acknowledge Your Success (35:39)
‘When you speak about something you passionately care about, you will be more comfortable and more confident in your element’ ~ Brian Tracy.
You’ve Got This!
Public speaking is a gift though it can feel like an ordeal when you are first starting. It allows you to share your energy and ideas with your target audience, add value to the world with your ideas and business and in return, gain confidence, take chances, expand your skills set and vocabulary and build your courage.
Christina says that TED talks were very educational and inspirational for her in terms of learning how to present in public and recommends explicitly Mel Robbins, Les Brown and Tony Robbins. Modelling yourself on these very successful speakers is a great way to boost your confidence and to help you get started but always remember that even these giants started small.
You have so much more to gain than to lose by singing your message out loud and clear. If others can do it, then so can you!
“Practice, practice, practice in speaking before an audience will tend to remove all fear of audiences, just as practice in swimming will lead to confidence and facility in the water. You must learn to speak by speaking.” ~ Dale Carnegie.
Christina Frey is a successful public speaking coach and entrepreneur. Born and raised in Germany, Christina was a shy but driven girl with a passion for languages. She moved abroad at the age of 20 and has used her love of language to empower and encourage her to take more risks. She holds a degree in Chinese studies and speaks Chinese, German and English amongst other languages. Christina is passionate about helping others to express themselves and regularly hosts a program designed to help entrepreneurs communicate with their target audiences in exciting and effective ways.
Points to Ponder
Repetition and practice make things easier and more comfortable.
Once we can touch people with our message, then we can help them.
Fear can hurt your business. You need your voice and presentation skills as a vehicle to share your expertise and product.
Am I going to let this fear hold me back for the rest of my life?
Reconnect with your essence
Celebrate the little wins
Don’t compare yourself unfavourably. Everyone has to start somewhere!
Each time you communicate with your audience, you are affecting at least one other person, so make your message one that adds value and positivity!
Welcome to the latest buzz around the Cynspiration Hive – This week, Hallowe’en week, we talk about something terrifying – Fear and how it holds us back! Grab your garlic and your wooden stakes because we are going to learn how to face up to it!
You can do this my brave ones, you need to dig a bit deeper so let’s talk about the weapons that you have in your arsenal to slay the monster!
The Scariest Monsters Are The Ones That Lurk Within Our Souls -~ Edgar Allen Poe.
What Happens When Fear Raises Its Ugly Head?
Fear is a universal human emotion. Every culture experiences it. As we approach Hallowe’en, we may even enjoy being afraid in controlled circumstances! Who doesn’t enjoy a good ghost story or scary movie?
Uncontrolled fear, however, is a different beast entirely! It can unleash a whole load of nasties that can plague us, torment us and lurk in the dark corners of our minds. My followers know that mindset is everything.
Fear can cause us to doubt ourselves, lose momentum, question our judgment and compare ourselves unfavourably. Just like the emotional trauma, I discussed last week; fear is an invisible menace that we only become aware of when it starts to manifest in our daily lives.
We begin to suffer from analysis paralysis, paranoia, and wasting our precious energy on things that don’t serve us and don’t move us forward as entrepreneurs or as people.
What can we do to stop the downward spiral of negative thinking and fear-based beliefs?
Fear Grows In Darkness. If You Think There’s A Bogeyman Around, Turn On The Light ~ Dorothy Thompson
Overcome the Monster
It takes some effort but it the payoff is so worth it! Imagine being the one in charge of your thoughts, motivations, habits and actions – no more living in the shadows my friends if you follow the following steps to help you free yourself of the things that suck your mental, emotional and physical energy.
Build Awareness of Your Fear (04:18)
Letting Go of Fear (04:55)
Reframe Your Thoughts (05:40)
Be/Do/Have/Feel – Explore and Refocus (06:29)
Meditate and Visualize (07:40)
Whenever that monster appears, break it down, then break it down some more until it no longer holds the power to control you and your actions. These simple exercises will empower you and enhance your understanding of who you are, so don’t wait for ‘Fright Night’ to strike again. Get started on them now!
Magic Is Really Very Simple, All You Have Got To Do Is Want Something Then Let Yourself Have It ~ Aggie Cromwell (HalloweenTown)
Make Your Own Magic
Everything that you need to be a success is inside you. Sometimes, because of past experiences, we don’t allow ourselves to claim the prize and we self-sabotage. Don’t be haunted by regret because you allowed fear to hold you back.
This time around, give yourself permission to believe in yourself, to aim higher, to use your superpowers because when you do, that is when the magic will happen!
Happy Halloween to the Cynspiration Hive – Until next time….Creep it Real!
Points to Ponder
The more we know about our fear, the easier it is to manage.
Identify your triggers.
Create mental space and release your fear.
Remind yourself of your strengths.
Breaking things down is about understanding yourself.
P.S. Every fear is different; it impacts us differently and affects us all differently. If you want personalised support that is centred around your unique fears, helping you to breakdown the internal conflict and reconnects with the unique power you have with you call me todayto find out more.
Unresolved childhood trauma can haunt us in ways that often don’t seem direct. It impacts us emotionally, physically and mentally, causing us to think, feel and act in a certain way.
It’s important to break any misconceptions that childhood trauma only involves physical danger or harm.
Anything that leaves a child feeling alone, vulnerable, overwhelmed or terrified is traumatic.
Like most internal programs, we can’t see it. We are unaware of the inner conflict that is going on, and we only get to see a behaviour or a reaction as a result of dealing with this trauma.
If someone lacks trust in people, we call them defensive, awkward, unapproachable.
If someone is fearful, we label them as unsuccessful, weak, unfocused.
If someone is depressed, we call them moody, uninterested, distracted and unmotivated.
We make assumptions and judge people without taking the time to understand why they feel this way.
Be aware that undesirable on-the-job behaviours can stem from childhood neglect or abuse and aren’t always laziness or a poor work ethic.
We need to approach the problem at its root cause, not at the symptom level. Until we discover the root cause of these behaviours and symptoms, we can’t move forward in the way we desperately want to.
We can paper over the cracks by tackling the behaviour and making small changes. But this symptom management is only a temporary solution; the driving force of these actions is still working off the same limited program.
For example, a mother’s unresolved trauma may interfere with her ability to respond to her infant sensitively. That can affect the development of attachment in her child and potentially contribute to the intergenerational transmission of the trauma.
When you actively work on getting to the root cause you can release it at its deepest levels and re-program the stories, feeling and actions that are associated with these beliefs. Profound healing can take place as you free your mind from the control as you dissociate yourself with the events that took place.
To Change Behaviour, we Need to Understand Behaviour.
Trauma denial is a big part of why we are still stuck both on a personal and a professional level.
If you want to grow personally, professionally, and financially, you need to get to the root cause of what is holding you back.
Healing your trauma heals your life.
Obvious vs. Hidden forms of Childhood Trauma
Experiences are traumatic because they are unexpected, unwanted, and you are powerless to stop them.
Obvious trauma that tends to affect all involved include:
the loss of a loved one to illness or death
a natural disaster
suffering physical abuse
being displaced and moving country
Less obvious experiences can be just as traumatic for a child and have severe consequences for the long-term.
living in poverty
abruptly changing schools
a sick sibling
going through an operation
living with parents who are always fighting
living in a violent or dangerous community
watching a parent getting hurt
Emotional traumas such as:
a humiliating experience at school
being always put down and shamed by a parent figure
not getting proper attention from a caregiver
having to take care of a parent
being abandoned by someone you love
Sadly, an all too common form of childhood trauma is sexual abuse. And many types of sexual abuse go overlooked.
Any form of inappropriate sexual behaviour can have long-lasting effects on a child. Being stripped down as a punishment for being ‘bad’, for example, or having a parent who makes constant inappropriate comments about your body, can both result in the long-term symptoms of trauma.
But aren’t children resilient?
The idea that a child will not be affected by what they do not understand is incorrect.
Even if they don’t comprehend the logistics of what is happening, they understand danger, discord, and this is what causes trauma.
A child can be more affected by trauma than adults as they can sense danger but not ‘explain’ it to themselves like an adult, meaning they are terrified and vulnerable.
Traumatic experiences also have a stronger impact on children when you take into account that children’s brains are still developing and thus more vulnerable than those of adults.
What has unresolved childhood trauma to do with you as an entrepreneur or in your workplace?
1 – Skews Our Self-Esteem
If our childhood environment provided a skewed perception of us, we would develop skewed self-esteem. It impacts our lives as the issues that stem from it follow us into our adulthoods and sometimes last a lifetime.
There are two main categories of Self-esteem issues.
1 – self-underestimation – low self-worth, a lack of self-confidence, self-doubt, etc.
2 – self-overestimation – person tends to see themselves as better than they are. Examples would be shallowness, false self-confidence, fakeness, fixation on social status, and so on).
These issues manifest themselves on many levels: intellectual (false beliefs, magical thinking, unrealistic standards)
Emotional (depression, chronic shame and guilt), or Behavioural (addiction, self-loathing or destructive behaviour).
2 – Perfectionism – A way of dealing with childhood trauma
Dr.Brené Brown says perfectionism is one of the three main ways people protect themselves from getting hurt. She says it is just a form of armour and connected to your sense of shame and fear of not being good enough.
We use perfectionism in areas of our lives that we feel most vulnerable. What drives it is the belief that ‘if I look perfect, work perfect, live perfect I will avoid or minimise criticism, blame or ridicule’.
How do I stop being a perfectionist?
The more you find out about how and why you developed the need to be perfect, the more you recognise how unachievable and unnecessary it is. Through reading ‘Why Go Back? 7 Steps to Healing from Childhood Sexual Abuse‘ I had to explore the various conditions and disorders that I developed as a result of my childhood trauma. This information has armed me with the knowledge I needed to make the necessary changes. I could see the energy I was devoting to overthinking and overdoing any task I took on.
It sounds like a contradiction, but, I minimise my need for perfectionism by not trying. I accept that this is something I do. I don’t use it as another way to tell myself that I have failed or something else to hate myself.
When I start a new project, I ask myself what I am trying to achieve and who am I trying to please.
I needed to be right and believed that others couldn’t do the work as well as me; It drove my desire for perfectionism.
It prevented me from asking for help when I felt overwhelmed, and that behaviour only fed my perfectionism. Recognising this pattern allowed me to challenge it.
Lingering Childhood Trauma Can Manifest As Conflict In The Workplace
Trauma can take many forms, including mistreatment, exploitation, abuse, or a lack of approval or love — and it can adversely affect how individuals interact with other people at work.
If you’re someone who continually finds yourself in conflict with your supervisors, employees, or colleagues, you might want to consider the possibility that you have childhood trauma.
Lack of love or approval
People-pleasers, constantly care-taking and doing too much for others in the hopes of finally obtaining the love and validation they lacked in their childhood. Interestingly, the more they try to please, the more they are disrespected and held in contempt by people at their workplace. These are the individuals in the workplace who are taken for granted, taken advantage of and sometimes even bullied.
People who grew up mistreated assume that this is all that they “deserve” or all that they can expect of their colleagues and managers.
If people at work mistreat you, you need to examine your past for signs of mistreatment, and for obvious or subtle messaging that you “should” tolerate it.
The only way to fit in at work is to do too much.
You take on the projects that no one else wants to tackle. You do other people’s work, and you overwork until you’re burned out, misbelieving that this is what you’re “meant” to do.
Some individuals with childhood trauma end up behaving like the people who abused them in the past. They’re deeply wounded and end up like their “role models” — the abusive adults who hurt them as children. They become nasty, disruptive, even toxic adults in their workplaces.
If you recognise a boss or a colleague who’s behaving in an abusive or disruptive manner in the workplace, it’s they might have experienced abuse. Note that they’re unlikely to be open to your help or advice on this matter.
Abusive People have the potential for being tremendously destructive to your personal life or your career. Be cautious around. If possible, they should avoid them or change jobs.
Did I suffer childhood trauma? Symptoms to look for
Not everyone reacts to “trauma” in the same way. Some people remember all the details of what happened, some blank everything and lose all memory of the experience.
Some people develop many symptoms from childhood onwards, and others have no signs of trauma, but then suddenly, as an adult, something triggers them. It could be a stressful new job, a new relationship, or another life trauma like a bereavement or breakup.
In general, signs to look for as an adult that you suffered trauma as a child include but are not limited to:
Here are a few symptoms of unresolved emotional trauma:
Inability to achieve goals
Lack of empathy
Not feeling worthy
Lack of trust in people
Addiction & Substance Abuse, Eating disorder
Hypervigilance, easily startled and often edgy
Suicidal thought or actions
Difficulties managing stress
Unexplained aches and pains or chronic fatigue
Mood swings or a tendency to overreact
A core belief that the world is a dangerous place
An inexplicable sense of loneliness and isolation
Unable to maintain lasting and satisfying relationships
Always feel numb, or like you are ‘watching’ yourself
Difficulty with concentrating
A sense of loss and mourning
We are learning more and more about the adverse effects of trauma on many aspects of our mental and physical health and wellbeing. Science seems to be linking early trauma to everything from back pain to depression. In 2018 Oprah spoke to Dr Bruce Perry, a world-renowned expert on childhood trauma.
He said “a child’s brain gets wired “differently” when raised in a chaotic or violent environment. He talked about the effect adverse childhood events have on us as adults. “If you have developmental trauma, you’re at risk for almost any kind of physical health, mental health, a social health problem that you can think of.”
Unresolved trauma can haunt us throughout our lives in ways that often don’t seem direct. As adults, we may attempt to forget or gloss over the past. We may think, “My childhood wasn’t that bad” or “Many people had it worse than I did.” We don’t realise that these old wounds can have all kinds of physical and psychological effects.
Certain events may involuntarily trigger reactions in us that we haven’t thought about in years: guilt, shame, fear, or anger sourcing from early in our lives.
What also affects is not having been able to feel the full pain and make sense of our experiences.
When we don’t deal with our trauma, we carry it with us. We haven’t made sense of our story, and therefore, our past is still impacting our present in countless invisible ways. It influences how we parent, how we relate to our partner, how we feel, how we think, and operate in the world.
Therefore, perhaps the most important thing we can do to resolve unresolved trauma is to create a coherent narrative. Some things that don’t look traumatic to us as adults felt traumatic to us as kids.
Creating a coherent narrative is a process that involves writing down any “big trauma” we endured, be it a loss, abuse, or life-threatening event, as well as the “little traumas” we experienced.
These events may not seem as dramatic, but they impacted us by causing us distress, fear, or pain and, therefore, changed the way we saw ourselves, other people, and the world around us.
In many cases, we’ll discover that we haven’t fully resolved these traumas.
An example of this occurred in a course I attended. A woman shared a story with the class. She started by shamefully stating that as a kid, she killed a horse, a trauma she identified as an indication of her “badness.” However, further details told a very different story. It turns out that when she was only 11-years-old, her parents put her on an untamed horse.
Despite being scared, she took the horse for a trail ride, as she had in the past with other well-trained horses. The horse got spooked by something, failed to clear a jump, and died. Her parents blamed her for the animal’s death and threatened to send her away to boarding school unless she wrote letters of apology to everyone in the family.
As she told the story, people pointed she was not responsible, and that it was neglect on the part of her parents to make her ride a wild horse. The woman kept insisting that she was still to blame.
Only until she was asked to imagine the same event happening to a child, she knew in her current life, that it clicked.
She’d been traumatised and frightened by the event, and blamed for it, leaving her with a feeling of shame, she thought she deserved and carried her entire life.
She went on believing she deserved anything terrible that happened.
Telling her story, helped her understand how different the reality was from the one she’d accepted. Her parents were neglectful and had endangered her as well as the horse. A truth that had been too scary for her to face as a child.
Changing narrative allowed her to feel for herself, experience some relief, and resolve some of her trauma around the incident. She was finally able to let go of the feeling of being “bad,” which had hindered her since the event.
Our instinct is often to bury the past, minimise, or avoid our pain, but feeling the feeling of what happened to us can lead to healing. We separate our past experiences from the present day and identify the negative overlays these experiences have on our current lives, including our physical health and relationships.
Creating a coherent narrative is a powerful tool for resolving early childhood trauma. Making sense of our history can free us of many of its burdens in all their manifestations.
It helps us break destructive intergenerational cycles to become stronger parents and partners. It can lead us to feel more secure within ourselves and provide more security to others.
Facing trauma is challenging, but it is a fundamental aspect of healing, mentally and physically. It’s a tool for building better relationships and a key to unlocking our most authentic selves.
What do I do if experienced childhood trauma?
So first of all, my beautiful angels (women and men) who are out there listening and have experienced sexual trauma.
It is not a life sentence. You’re not destined to be hurt. You’re not born to spend every day dealing with the past and in pain. And the first thing that we can do is make a decision.
We have to make a choice that we want something to change. And from that place of choice, we can then take action. And to my mind, the best first action is to understand precisely where you are in this healing process.
From my website, you can go cynspiration.com/checklist. And you can get my guide that will talk more about the stages of recovery. Victimhood, Survivorhood, and THRIVING AND TRANSCENDENCE, that guide is going to give you a checklist to help you figure out where you are.
Each stage of recovery should have adapted goals and a type of support that align with that stage.
Too many survivors of abuse and trauma end up getting re-traumatised because they’re trying to reach goals that they’re not ready for yet. They’re trying to reach and achieve things that they’re not.
They haven’t got the foundations in place yet, and are using healing modalities that don’t address the correct stage of where they are.
So that guide will help break all of that down. And from that place, you’ll then be able to make better decisions and focus your energy on what you need to focus on to get to the next level and then to the next level.
What occurred was out of your control, and it is unfortunate.
What is within your control now is your ability to take steps to help yourself. The effects of childhood trauma are not known to resolve by themselves with time or age, but they do respond positively to focussed attention and support.
Information about recognising and resolving childhood trauma is now readily available on the internet, with forums you can connect with others. There are many books on the topic that can act as a starting point for exploring your experience, or bring a sense of relief to you.
Be wary of playing the blame game when it comes to childhood trauma. Recognising you experienced trauma can cause many emotions to rise, including rage and anger.
It can be tempting to immediately contact family members or others who were involved and lash out. I recommend you process your feelings first, and are in a stable place to deal with the outcome of such conversations.
I highly advise seeking professional support and help.
Therapists can help you go back and discover just what occurred, how you contended with the trauma then, and how it is affecting you today.
They create a safe space for you to process your feelings. And teach you techniques for processing and letting go of old patterns and emotions so you can finally move forward with your life.
Have you successfully overcome childhood trauma? Share your story below and inspire others.
Hi and welcome! The buzz around the Cynspiration Hive this week is setting GOALS.
Yep, we all have ’em but do we always follow through with ’em? There are many reasons why people fail to achieve the targets that they set for themselves. Today we are going to look at the 8 most common goal-setting mistakes and learn how to avoid them!
“All good performance starts with clear goals.” Ken Blanchard
Why Are Goals So Important?
Put simply, we all need something to aim for and strive towards. It is what keeps us moving forward in life. Setting and achieving goals helps us to improve the quality of our life and that of others. We commonly use goals to improve our health, relationships, finances, business success, and even personal happiness. If you want to succeed, you need to set goals!
“The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score.” Bill Copeland
Be SMART About Your Goal Setting
If youare unsure of the goal-setting process, the S.M.A.R.T framework offers a checklist to help guide your goal setting, improve your focus and clarify your ideas. Let’s look at what the acronym SMART stands for.
S is for Specific
It’s essential to be as specific as possible when setting goals. Ask yourself: What do I want to achieve? How will I get there? When should I have achieved this goal by?
M is for Measurable
Having a goal which can be quantified in some way makes it a lot easier to track your progress. Include precise amounts, dates, and so on in your goals so you can measure your degree of success.
A is for Achievable/Attainable
This focuses on how important a goal is to you and what you can do to make it attainable. It may require developing new skills and changing attitudes. Strike a balance between reaching higher and resisting the urge to set goals that are too easy.
R is for Relevant
This is your ‘why’. By keeping goals aligned with this, you’ll develop the focus you need to get ahead and do what you want.
T is for Time-specific
You must give yourself a deadline. When you are working on a deadline, your sense of urgency increases and achievement will come that much quicker. You will know when you can celebrate your success!
“When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.” Confucius
Where Does It All Go Wrong?…… And How To Get It Right!
Let me talk you through some of the most common mistakes that people make when they think about goals and how to remedy them so that you hit your target and don’t shoot yourself in the foot!
Bookmarked PlayPoints for Reference
Unrealistic Goals (01:38)
Focusing On Too Few Areas (02:34)
Underestimating Completion Times (04:00)
Not Appreciating Failure (04:45)
Setting Other People’s Goals (05:30)
Not Reviewing Progress (06:09)
Setting Negative Goals (06:50)
Setting Too Many Goals (07:36)
“If you have a dream, you can spend a lifetime studying, planning, and getting ready for it. What you should be doing is getting started.” Drew Houston
Let’s Get Started – NOW!
There is literally no time like the present. Fall is the time of year for new starts. We have a new season, a new academic year, a new financial quarter and the perfect opportunity to start doing the groundwork to make next year a year of power, progress and pride. So let’s dive in and unload those incredible skillsets within to make goals that can truly enrich our lives. What will you decide to accomplish today?
Welcome to this week’s Cynspiration where we speak with Gareth Morgan about a something that resonates to the very core of our being – Alignment. What is Alignment? What does it mean to be aligned? How does it help us and others on our journey as human beings and as entrepreneurs?
“If you can tune into your purpose and really align with it, setting goals so that your vision is an expression of that purpose, then life flows much more easily.” Jack Canfield
What Is Alignment?
Everything starts on the inside – e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g!
Do you remember a time when you felt on top of the world, and everything went perfectly? Your coffee was the just the way you like it, the traffic signals all stayed on green, you got an unexpected new promotion or client or bonus.
That was no accident. That was you being in a state of alignment! Everything you were doing energetically, mentally and emotionally was in perfect accord and it felt good!
We are all given a set of unique talents but to make the most of it we must have a purpose and one that resonates with our deepest principles. Our personal integrity, in harmony with our thoughts and actions, allows us to move through life with a sense of clarity and feeling of ease – that is alignment.
When you are in alignment, everything lines up for you.
Gareth shares his own personal journey and his observations about what it means to dig deep to find the core values that you build your life and your business upon. Listen in as he gives advice and techniques to help you achieve alignment that will take you to where you need to go.
Bookmarked Play Points for Reference
Gareth’s overview of alignment (06:47)
Alignment with Self (08:44)
How to find alignment in day to day life (09:29)
What knocks people out of alignment (14:37)
When life throws us a curveball (15:18)
How to get back into alignment (22:54)
How did Gareth find his spirituality/values (25:56)
Get in flow with yourself (30:28)
Dealing with procrastination (31:22)
Practice to get you there (36:49)
Check-in on yourself (39:14)
Gareth on visualisation (42:11)
Gareth’s definition of Inspiration (44:21)
“You are not here merely to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.” President Woodrow Wilson
How Alignment Helps Your Business
The value of your brand comes from what is important to you. Having a robust, defined set of values and mission statement provides a powerful decision-making filter for your business. It gives you clarity on the actions that you need to take in your business and creates a genuine connection with your customers.
Additionally, a product or service that is the reflection of values has a tendency to stand out and to be perceived very differently in the market, which is increasingly more important with the massive number of choices available today.
What Are The Personal Benefits?
The peace that comes from living your beliefs.
Life starts to feel easier
You ditch habits that no longer serve you
A renewed sense of purpose and belief in your own abilities
Better interactions with others – professionally and personally
You appreciate more
“You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance every second.” Tony Robbins
Let it come. Let it go. Let it flow.
Gareth acknowledges that even with the best of intentions, life gets in the way. It can be very discouraging when your business receives a knock, or someone is rude to you. When this happens, it can be very tempting to give in to fear or anger and to start to take actions from a place outside your personal integrity and out of alignment with your brand.
Gareth says that to return to a frictionless state and to shift your focus, you must start by shifting your mind. Lock into your destination through goal setting, affirmations, and visualisation, and then start taking the actions that will move you in the right direction. Here’s how:
Tools for Achieving Alignment
A useful way to get back into a state of flow is to remind yourself of your why.
Take 5 minutes to write out a short mission statement beginning with the words:
I see a world where….
Now put it somewhere you can see it and read it OFTEN!
A state of alignment needs regular, constant awareness. Other tools that you may find useful are visualisation, meditation or journalling; anything in fact, that helps you. There is no right way or wrong way, only YOUR way.
Where Attention Goes, Energy Flows.
Stay positively focused and optimistic about what you’re creating in your life because this helps bring you into alignment with it. You infuse your intentions and decisions through awareness. Entrepreneurs don’t just sit back and wait to hit the jackpot. They are actively taking steps each day to build their business and to bring value to the world.
Believe you can do it, think positively about it, feel as if you’ve already created it, and take action. Choose to focus your attention on things that are empowering, supportive and in alignment with what you really want to create. If you do what you love, you will love what you do, and that is a win-win for everybody!
Words of Wisdom – Reflect upon some of the key points of this week’s episode.
The vibration you are holding is where you are creating from
Mental stress takes as much toll as physical stress.
If we move through the world in a reactionary state, then the world dictates how we live.
Alignment is not just spiritual.
Your business is the physical manifestation of your values.
If you can go back to your aligned state, you can by-pass procrastination.
This is who I am, so this is what I do.
Suffering comes from how we react internally to the external event.
Alignment with your brand gives you clarity on the actions you need to take
Gareth Morgan always knew that he wanted to walk the road less travelled. At an early age, he knew that the traditional pathway into adulthood and career was not what resonated with him, so he decided to pursue his passion for skiing, move to Europe and living his dream.
This lasted for 10 years until life threw him a curveball and he ended up back in Sydney, trying to fit into the mainstream and feeling unhappy. He began a journey into spirituality that led him to study for a nursing degree as he hoped to pursue a career that enabled him to combine his spiritual and professional path compassionately.
However, a diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome ended his clinical career. Gareth discovered a new way of living and working by embracing entrepreneurship, allowing him to combine his core spiritual beliefs with a values-led digital business.
He lives in a remote house that overlooks the wild and beautiful Loch Ness. He might have spotted Nessie once 🦕!
Welcome to this week’s Cynspiration personal coaching session. Today we are going to tackle a problem that affects many people, yes, even ‘high flyers’ – Imposter Syndrome!
“The exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me feel very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.” ~ Albert Einstein
Have you ever felt that you don’t belong? That you don’t actually deserve your job and your accomplishments?
Welcome to the club! Over 70% of people report feeling like a fraud in their lives, even a genius like Albert Einstein! It’s a mind-trap!
Let’s get that clear! It sits there waiting to ambush you and keeps you playing small. In business and in society, the problems we face require the best people to step up. But many hold back because they feel that luck rather than ability lies behind their successes. They dread that sooner or later, some person or event will expose them for the fraud that deep down they believe themselves to be.
Far from being a realistic self-assessment, the Impostor Syndrome mind-trap prevents people from believing in themselves.
Imposter Syndrome Unmasked
We all struggle with self-confidence at times, but Imposter Syndrome is an inner narrative playing over and over on a constant loop. It can limit our courage to go after new opportunities, explore potential areas of interest or put ourselves out there in a meaningful way. So what are the symptoms of Imposter Syndrome? Let’s expose those tricky thoughts that keep us stuck.
Bookmarked play points for reference
Giving into Fear [03.05]
Negative Self Talk [03:49]
“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, Uh Oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they are going to find me out now!” ~ Maya Angelou
Why do we feel this way, and why has it been so difficult to shake off?
The answers lie in thought patterns that we have inherited, feelings of insecurity, sometimes it is environmental. It particularly affects women. Despite outstanding academic and professional accomplishments, women such as Michelle Obama and Maya Angelou have spoken out about how they are affected.
Women have sex-role societal expectations thrust upon them early on and feel the need to be perfect and please people and often feel they fall short of what they are ‘supposed to be’.
Imagine how much talent the world is missing out on because of this pernicious problem? How much leadership is being undermined? How many people are missing out on achieving their true potential? There is some good news, though.
Free to Be You
This toxic cocktail of intense self-doubt doesn’t have to be a life sentence.
So how do we reframe those thoughts and use them constructively to springboard us into a more mindful, helpful, less stressful way of living and being? Let me share.
Recognise It [09:37]
Acknowledge Your Feelings [10:01]
Cognitive Restructuring [10:40]
Understand You Are Not Alone [11:43]
Get to Know Your Strengths and Weaknesses [12:25]
Overcome Perfectionism [13:03]
Own Your Successes [14:02]
“You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.” ~ JK Rowling
Don’t Hide Your Light Under A Bushel!
Perfectionism and fear of failure underpin daily life for people with Imposter Syndrome but let’s put it into perspective. It is entirely normal to feel nervous the night before a presentation. Or to have a little wobble when you find yourself in an unfamiliar place in life.
Mistakes and failures are a normal part of life that serves as a learning curve. Even if you do stumble, remind yourself that failure is just a bruise, not a tattoo that you must wear forever. Failure builds resilience and resilience builds the courage to reach higher. Perfect does not exist.
Remember that if you are feeling like an impostor, it means you have some degree of success in your life that you are attributing to luck. From now on learn how to take a compliment, know that you are a competent person, embrace your accomplishments and draw strength and grace from all the things you ARE.
Step into your success and enjoy it, no matter how big or small. You deserve it!
Words of Wisdom – Reflect upon some of the key messages from this week’s episode
You learn so much when you fail!
Feeling like a fraud can become a self-fulfilling pattern.
Feelings are NOT reality!
If you feel like a fraud, then you are competent.
Reach out and talk to people that you trust, many of your colleagues and friends will relate to how you feel.
Marriage takes work. It is especially true when you work with your spouse. Having your partner at your side all day at work and then for the rest of the night at home isn’t for everyone, but for Tony and Carmen Matthews, they couldn’t see life any other way.
Tune in to find out what makes Tony and Carmen a Happy Entrepreneurial Power Couple and co-owners of SuperFly, one of the hottest digital car magazines dedicated to showcasing some of the coolest and most unique cars in the world.
From Dreamers to Dynamic Duo
Tony and Carmen’s journey started after Tony woke from a dream and realised that he had had enough! They had started a business in 2008 but were struggling to devote the time needed to make it fly.
Tony had reached his limit.
Enough of slogging away at work that didn’t fulfil. Enough of long hours that robbed him and his wife of precious time together and enough of living a life that wasn’t making them happy as a couple. Within a week, they decided to dedicate themselves full time to their business and leave…EVERYTHING!
A new country, a new life, a renewed commitment to their marriage and business was calling them. Tony’s dream became the springboard for living theirdream.
Twin Flames, Same Aims
Communication and passion for the business are essential for success as copreneurs. Tony explains that although he and Carmen work closely together, they always give each other physical and intellectual space. In this way, things flow, and discussions and disagreements take place in an atmosphere of mutual respect. They never lose sight of the fact that they are doing this for the person they love and the passion they have for their business.
Tony and Carmen’s Recommendations for a Successful Business/Love Combo.
Ditch that ego! You have to be willing to take advice and suggestions from your partner in the same way you would from any colleague. There may be disagreements but make sure it is coming from a respectful place.
Accept that there are some areas that your partner may be more talented than you but use the opportunity to learn and expand your skillset.
Roles will change and fluctuate. You may be the ‘frontman’, but your partner may like to take the lead in another area. Let them have a chance to shine.
Communicate regularly. Pay attention to what the other person says. If your belief system is aligned, your relationship and business will thrive.
Play to your strengths as a couple. You know each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and this can help define and delineate the areas of the business each partner will excel at.
Trust that when problems arise in your partner’s area that he or she will take care of it. If and when you need to firefight, then team up and decide who will take which actions.
Praise each other for a job well done; everyone likes to be appreciated.
Create a good work/life balance. Carve out time to be together and put the business conversations on hold. Take that yoga class, do some mindset work before you start your day, make time for date night. You both need to care for yourselves and each other to get the most out of your work, rest and play.
Leave work at work. It’s important to understand that your marriage/partnership is sacred and holds priority over your business. If you both share that mindset, you’ll create a stronger understanding and bond with your spouse/partner.
Enjoy the experience. Enjoy the opportunity to live your ‘why’, spend time with your loved one and create something worthwhile together. Have fun with your business and check in regularly to make sure things are working for you both. If not, then change it up a little and make sure you keep that sense of humour!
Make the Leap but Pack a Parachute
Despite Tony and Carmen’s belief that they could make their business work full time, they realised that having a financial buffer would help to cover any contingencies whilst they were working hard to make it happen.
Carmen turned freelance for 6 months and they sold many of their belongings not only to free themselves up physically but also financially. Carmen and Tony both say that you SHOULD work that job, become a freelancer or anything else that is needed to make sure that your day to day expenses for essentials are met whilst pursuing your entrepreneurial dream.
Work those extra two hours a night on your business education because, in a short period of time, you will have the tools you need to launch your enterprise. Do whatever it takes to move towards the next step in your journey.
Mindset is Everything
In business, in love and in life. Carmen reflects that our early years are formative in so many ways that we are not even conscious of and that our programming can be worked on and overcome especially when we team up with our sacred other. We may come from very different places and have been subject to different family dynamics but we have the power to ensure that we overcome our differences amicably and respectfully.
We have the power to choose how we wish to live and progress and to heal ourselves and others as we do so.
It can be incredibly empowering to give yourself permission to be yourself and put down the weight of your conditioning and embrace the YOU that wants to affect positive change. Tony says that we are all born creators and we should never get discouraged from setting out on a creative path that empowers others.
Never allow negative self talk to dominate and kill your dream before it has even begun. There are more opportunities than ever before to embrace entrepreneurship. The tools and education for developing the business side are out there and there are many inspirational programmes and people to guide you (Carmen and Tony particularly recommend Gary Vaynerchuck).
Once you have your business idea, be bold and learn to persist as Carmen and Tony did when they first started this journey. Entrepreneurship can be a very scary place at first but with faith in your abilities and what you have to offer, you will learn to develop resilience.
The fear of uncertainty can be conquered and with that newfound confidence, who knows where it will take you physically, financially, spiritually and emotionally but always to a place of knowledge and healing.
Always put love first. Without it – Who would you share your business successes with?
Sharing a dream
Pulling together as a team
Believing in each other
Overcoming the fear of uncertainty
Know that you can create whatever you want
Quotes from this Episode:
You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to believe in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. – Steve Jobs
Love has to come before business.
Love yourself first, and your partner will take inspiration from what you do.
Find something that makes you thrive and be YOU!
Entrepreneurship is more about mindset than it is about building a business.
Stay curious and keep getting to know your partner over and over again.
Inspiration is a compass inside you that helps you to develop in your life.
Work smarter, not harder. Choose two or three tasks that are the most important right now to get the maximum results. Do this each day and be smart and specific about what you want to achieve.
If we cannot heal ourselves, then anyone we teach or touch cannot heal either.
About our Guests:
Our guests this week bring a truly international flavour to the podcast. Tony Matthews is Anglo-French and was raised in France. Carmen Matthews is originally from Germany, and they met and fell in love in Switzerland.
After getting together, they moved to the UK where Tony was working as a contractor and Carmen was a video conference operator for a global bank. Working long hours in demoralising jobs led them to look for a better way to live and make a living.
They sold everything they had, took extra work to finance themselves for six months and worked full-time to get SuperFly their co-owned digital car magazine off the ground. SuperFly is one of the most successful digital publications on the web specialising in supercars and cars with a unique history. Their work takes them around the globe and has allowed them to interview Prince Albert of Monaco, Pamela Anderson and James Bond actor Roger Moore to name but a few.
Connect with Tony and Carmen
Website: Create a lasting legacy through the power of creativity, storytelling and leveraging social media.
Welcome to Episode 18 and get yourself ready for a Cynspirational uplift!
Today we are talking about embracing your power and making your vision a reality by harnessing and building the courage within.
The question is, how bad do you want the life you want?
You Can’t Make An Omelette Without Breaking Eggs.
All change, even positive change, is innately uncomfortable, as it requires trading the familiarity of the known for the uncertainty of the new.
You already leapt by choosing to follow your path and turn your back on a conventional way of living. You joined the brave band of entrepreneurs the moment you told yourself ‘I want more’. Starting up a business and sustaining it requires you to build and flex the muscle of courage regularly.
If you are starting your second or third career as an entrepreneur, it IS scary to suddenly realise that everything is down to you. When those whispers of self-doubt start at the back of your mind, it can be tempting to throw in the towel and revert to the familiar (How was THAT working for you?)
For others, and especially women, the issue of leading, being seen as a leader and standing out is very challenging after a lifetime of trying to fit in and conform.
You don’t serve anybody (and least of all yourself) by playing small. It’s time to think about what YOU want. It’s time to get cracking!
Dreams Don’t Work Unless You Do
So what do you want to achieve? Think of all the things that you have ever dreamed of doing or being. Don’t censor yourself. Have some fun with it by allowing your imagination to fly free. There are no limits unless you limit yourself.
Imagine how it feels to be that person who rises to the occasion and lives their life with integrity and fully aligned to their purpose – It feels great.
Don’t think you can do it? I am here to tell you ‘Yes you can!’.
All Our Dreams Can Come True If We Have the Courage to Pursue Them – Walt Disney
Let me share some techniques that you can practice regularly to give your inner warrior the strength and resolve to excel, expect more and elevate your life in every area. Let’s do this!
Your favourite sections of the podcast at these points in the recording so that you can listen again to reinforce your focus
Know your Why [02:49]
Confront Your Fears [03:44]
Trust Your Capabilities [06:56]
Embrace Uncertainty [08:45]
Think Big, Start Small [10:58]
Embody Your Inner Bravery [13:30]
Words to Live By
Action is the only antidote to fear.
Only when your desire for something transcends your desire for safety can you rise above the fears hardwired into you.
When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt. – Honoré de Balzac
A life half-lived is the ultimate tragedy.
You don’t have to see the whole staircase; take the first step. – Martin Luther King Jnr
What would I do if I were truly courageous?
When we shine a light on our fears and realise the actual cost of inaction, we loosen the grip fear has on our psyche.
Within you lies all of the courage you will ever need—to make that change or take that chance—in your work, relationships and life.
Nothing worthwhile is accomplished with a guarantee of success
If you find yourself overwhelmed by your dream, focus on what you can do in the next day or week.
One day, one hour, one daring act of courage at a time.
It’s far better to be moving forward slowly than to remain stagnant.
We all have the capacity for greatness within us.
Need more inspiration throughout your week? Don’t forget to check out more episodes on theCynspiration Podcast.
There are moments in our life when we hit a brick wall when we think we’ve tried every solution and still get nowhere. It is in those times that we need to step back and reassess.
In particular, we need to check three simple things:
Am I working or trying?
Is this the right work?
Am I look for real success?
Steve Greenhalgh, a life coach and guest on the Cynspirationpodcast, shared some hard-hitting, powerful truths about how we can answer the above three questions. Steve underwent an incredible physical and mental transformation into a powerful life coach on a mission. Because of that transformation, he encountered some practical insights that ultimately challenged his ideas about “hard work”.
The 3 Questions of Hard Work: Are the Answers to these Questions Blocking Your Success
The three questions above are based on that insight and can be used to help get unstuck when getting bad results while chasing success.
Let’s take a look at each question:
1. Am I working or trying? There is a big difference between “working” and “trying”, but our brains often mix those two concepts. For example, if two people must move a couch, but only one works while the other “tries”, who will complete the task? The one who does the work.
Quick Tip: Remove the word “try” from your library
2. Is this the right work?. Often, when we are pursuing a goal, we choose a strategy and start working. While this is the ideal way to reach your dreams, it’s essential to realise that your plan should adapt with you. Don’t stick to doing or thinking the same ideas without making sure your actions and thoughts are bringing you closer to your goals, you could end up repeating things that take you away from your goal.
Quick Tip: Follow your daily routine for 24 hours. Identify all of the actions that help move you closer to your current life’s goals.
3. Am I looking for the right success? It can be so tempting to choose an impressive goal for your success. It can be extremely motivating, not just for you but for others. There is a downside to working with that big goal; your reality may not match your goal. While the path to creating a goal is short, the path to completing that goal can take time.
A better approach is creating goals for the success you can achieve very soon.
Quick Tip: Review all of the significant goals last week. Look at the one that had the most failures and compare it to the initial goal you set.
Conclusion: Focus on small, unique, and valuable goals
While achieving success with an impressive goal is thrilling, it is only part of the story. The real work lies in small, unique, and valuable steps. Identifying what you want, defining a clear path, and adapting are the keys to success.
The problem lies in our perspective. Instead of focusing on our goals, we compare our success to others (which is even faster now with social media). This comparison makes us question our steps and wonder why we aren’t succeeding like the other person.
The key lies in letting that go.
By letting go and focusing on your small, unique, and worthwhile goals, you define the success you want to achieve. That is the kind of success that change people’s lives.
In this Cynspiration episode, Cynthia talks with Steve Greenhalgh (aka Stevie G), a coach who works with truckers and entrepreneurs in overcoming their negative thinking patterns and habits to live a life of gratitude with what they have so they can thrive.
Steve shares the story of his incredible weight transformation, powerful lessons on gratitude, and life-transforming wisdom on the power of every single person on the person to be happy while pursuing success.
Communicating with compassion vs being honest
Steve’s incredible weight loss transformation
Why Steve says gratitude is the most important thing a person can have
Why our gratitude needs to start close to home
The reason your “hard work” doesn’t lead to success
Dealing with self-sabotage
Figuring out the core “why” to conquer anyhow
Doing the hard work of sales and marketing
Why most of us chase fake “success” even though we want the real thing
What more people get wrong about Success
Finding inspiration in the simple things
[2:08] Kindness vs Honest: Is it better to be honest or kind?
[5:24] Steve’s EPIC weight loss transformation
[7:20] The one event that sparked Steve’s weight transformation
[8:02] Why you have to be happy first to be a success
[10:00] Steve’s mission
[15:48] What motivated Steve to change?
[17:00] How do you help others break out of repeating negative patterns and beliefs?
[19:18] Coach advice: How to tell if your client is really serious about change
[20:00] Linking “hard work” to results
[22:10] Building an online business
[22:42] Tracking sales
[24:17] Makes sales easy with one mindset shift
[25:58] Why do people lose momentum?
[32:00] What most people get wrong about success?
[38:08] Accepting your imperfections
Beautiful Quotes from this Episode
“I think honesty takes away the hiding places.”
“‘Physician, heal thyself’ is a phrase I use often.”
“You can get bitter or better.”
“If you have one too many mouthfuls over a month…At the end of that month, that’s a massive difference.”
“Gratitude is the single most important thing you can have in life.”
“When you know why, how becomes easy.”
“If you’re not getting the results, you’re not doing the work, or you’re lying to yourself about the work.”
“I’ve been saved for a reason.”
“…people that make early sales often fail because they think it’s easy.”
“If you made one sale, that’s luck. If you made two, you’re getting there. If you made three sales, rinse and repeat.”
“I think cumulative work is the true path to success because then it’s automatic.”
“Do you know why diamonds sparkle? Because they have imperfections.”
“When you are confident that being ‘you’ is enough, it’s when the sky’s the limit.”
About Our Guest
Steve Greenhall is a former trucker who worked in various industries when he realised that he hit a point where he had to change his life. He underwent a powerful weight loss transformation and became an inspirational coach for truck drivers and entrepreneurs.
When I started my business, I dreamed of a flexible schedule, a destiny I controlled and products that I co-created. I was so excited to be my boss.
What I didn’t realise was the number of decisions I would be making every day and what an impact they would have on the potential of the business, my health, and my overall life. Sometimes, it felt overwhelming. I often came home tired and not wanting to make another single decision.
Entrepreneurs are great at starting projects alone, but sometimes when we hit a bump in the road, we don’t know which way to turn. That’s when we need some help.
H-E-L-P is a four-letter word, both literally and emotionally.
Some of us, believing it’s a sign of failure, hesitate to ask anyone for advice or assistance. We worry that we might inconvenience a friend or overstep a professional relationship. Other times, we don’t want to appear weak or needy, but actually, it takes courage to reach out and acknowledge that sometimes, we can’t do it all
Entrepreneurship can be painful, and most business owners choose to do it alone. However, if you don’t ask for help, you deny your friends and colleagues the opportunity to assist you, which many of them would be delighted to do. Moreover, if you try to do everything and make every decision by yourself, you’ll stress out and burn out. It’s essential to use the network you’ve built when you need it.
When I look back, there are a few things I wish I had thought about:
Acknowledge your need.
The higher the need, the more hesitancy most people feel before asking for help. We don’t like to think that we are burdening others with things that we find tedious. Eliminate any hesitations you have. Your need doesn’t make you weak.
Just because you could do it alone doesn’t mean you should. It’s unhealthy (and unproductive) to tough it out.
For example, writing a book is an endeavour most people are afraid to tackle because they don’t know how or where to start. Why not seek the advice of a writing coach who holds you accountable and helps you become a better writer. This person will keep you on track and helps you reach my goals.
Ask for Help.
Not everyone dares to start a business. Most people don’t. But they are in awe of you, and they want to help you. Let them. Think about what you need and who can provide it for you.
Some of the most successful entrepreneurs admit that they could not have done it alone. So, don’t be shy. Ask for precisely what you need, when you need it and how you need it done. People want to help, but they need to know what you need to be helpful.
So tell them.
Discover new Business Opportunities.
The next time you ask for help, you may discover a great, unintended consequence. Business needs often lead to new opportunities through collaboration.
Let’s say you’d like to host a webinar, but your audience is small, and you aren’t sure if your idea is worth the cost and effort. Instead of trying to do it yourself, contact someone in your network who holds webinars frequently and who has a good reputation and a substantial following.
Through collaboration, you’re more apt to build that relationship and get exposure and experience. It never hurts to reach out and see what happens. The answer is always “no” if you don’t ask.
Learn to Take Advice.
Asking for help is hard enough, but taking someone’s advice can be an even harder challenge. That’s when the ego comes into play. After all, it is your business, your baby and you know best right? Some new entrepreneurs feel defensive when they receive guidance from more experienced professionals, especially if it’s unsolicited.
Don’t allow your ego to blind you to the gaps in your know-how. That attitude is a quick path toward failure. Those who care about your success will want to save you from experiencing the (typically costly) mistakes they made early in their careers. Most advice is offered from a well-meaning perspective, so accept it with gratitude and grace.
Listen when others give you information, then decide later if you want to take their advice.
Create your Support Network.
During turbulent times, a strong support network can help you prevail. At some point along your business journey, you’ll need the support of other professionals. You might need a recommendation for website design or some advice on how to assemble a board of directors for your new business.
Reach out to other entrepreneurs and create your network. Share what you have learnt with them, and they will be energised to share with you. When you need thoughts, ideas or inspiration, flag it up to your network and watch them come to your aid!
You Don’t Have to Be Alone.
Being at the helm of a small business can be lonely as the buck stops with you alone yet, running your own business is one of the most exciting and challenging adventures you will embark upon. Set yourself up so that you don’t feel alone. I am lucky enough to have a fantastic community that has my back.
From all walks of life, this fantastic tribe provides me with new product ideas, training, marketing suggestions, product names, and so much more.
The best advice I have ever received came from those entrepreneurs. They provide me with insights from fresh experience ideas and creative energy.
The more key connections you have, the more likely they’ll take the time to help you. Reach out, build relationships, join professional organisations, serve on boards, volunteer your time or take colleagues to lunch. Many people will want to help you. Ask them for what you need.
Not only will you be building business relationships but friendships with other self-starting people, communicating passions and connecting with others who share those passions.
Surrender your need for control, take a deep breath and turn your weakness into a strength by asking for help.
Finish one race? Someone asks “When is your next one?” Have a good project launch? The media is already asking “What’s next for you?”
While consistently chasing higher goals is the way we grow, it can also lead to burnout and overwhelm. Eventually, we will hit a point where you’ll get tired of “chasing the higher income” goal or “hit the next fitness: milestone.
What do you do then?
Dan Holloway reached the point where he was tired of chasing the goal. After struggling and sacrificing, his business had become a success. He was making money he always wanted and living the life he could only dream about.
Yet, he wasn’t fulfilled. He wasn’t happy.
Fixing the Story: What Happens After the “Success Story”
A lot of us would like to have the problem Dan had. Sure, we’d all like to have the problem of having a big bank account, travelling around the world, and own a multi-figure business. We’d like to get the media attention, fame, and all the opportunities that come with it.
But, as Dan Holloway, no one is after that success story. No one is after that business hit that income goal or the magazine articles find the next “hot entrepreneur” to write about.
No one is there when we reach the peak.
We tell ourselves that things will get better once we reach “after”. No one is there to tell us what to do once we reach a goal, yet the way we deal with one success is critical to the future.
Reframing the Story: The Cinderella Story Behind Success
There is a story that is painted about success. You might call it the “Cinderella Success Syndrome”. In that story, everything is permanently beautiful “after” the sacrifice.
Once we land that big-name client, things will be easy. Once we get that promotion, it will be easier to get the money. Once we get more sales, we won’t have to fight as hard.
These stories we tell ourselves are what drive us to work late nights and early mornings, to stay on the job when no one else is there.
The truth is, success is not a destination. It is a stopping point in our journey.
Throughout your life, you will have experiences that you (or others) call “success” or “failures.” These are moments, they are not destinations.
Yet, our brains hold onto these moments as “destinations”.
When these “destinations” are gone, we have to deal with the next moment.
Unravelling the “Perfect’ Success Story: Why Success Isn’t What We Think It is
In the chase of success as a “destination”, we lose sight of the fact that success is a moment we prepare for. We aren’t given success, we become successful. We earn it. We become it.
The stories we believe about success impact what we do with it. If we think success is just a “moment”, we will miss the point. We won’t appreciate the journey getting to the successful moment. We won’t focus on the big “WHY”. We won’t become a success.
Ignoring the journey or our “big WHY” is a recipe for burnout. If we don’t pursue success as a journey, we will treat it as a sprint, exhausting our body and mind to get to the finish line. If we don’t understand our “big WHY” we will wonder why we are working so hard in the first place.
A Better Approach: Chase Fulfillment You Will Create Success No Matter What
So what’s the takeaway here? It’s not to reject success or the gifts it brings, but to recognize a deeper meaning behind success. Instead of focusing exclusively on the momentary feeling of success, we should also focus on the process of becoming. We should take time to focus on why we are doing what we are doing.
Our focus should be on fulfilment, on doing things that move us closer to our life’s goals.
Understand that no matter what success you are chasing, you are telling yourself about that story. If that story is only focused on the moment, you will not be fulfilled when the moment is gone. If that story is focused on the journey, you can feel accomplished while you’re chasing the moment of success.
The key lies in fulfilment.
So, What the Heck is this “Fulfilment” Thing? How Does it Work
Fulfilment, in terms of success, is focusing on what you want, why you want it, and what you will do to get it. Instead of blindly chasing a vague goal of “getting more money” or a higher-sounding title, it’s taking the time to sit down and figure out precisely what you want and why.
Once you have that specific goal and why choose your “how”. Selecting a “how” is essential because you are given the flexibility to change your “how” if needed. For example, if you need to 10 sales calls each day to reach your sales goals, but realize that you’re not getting any response, you might consider changing your strategy.
Regardless of what your goal is why you’re doing it or how you plan on reaching it, fulfilment is a more powerful tool than success because of the work.
In the process of choosing (and adapting) your why, how, and what, you are growing. In the process of making those sales calls, you are learning. In the process of hearing those “No’s”, you’ll get closer to figuring out who will say “Yes ” in the future. In the process of working out, your body learns how to grow muscle.
That is what you are looking for, growing while pursuing success.
By focusing on that growth, no matter what goal you hit (or don’t hit), you will be a stronger person than you were before you started.
Tempted to Quit or Ready to Commit? – Toss the Top Ten Reasons for Quitting into the Trash!
Should I call it quits? It is the question that every aspiring entrepreneur asks themselves at some point. It is rooted in the deepest of anxieties. It is symptomatic of toxic thinking that cheats people out of the hope and possibilities they have to become master of their destiny.
But there’s only one reason you should ever quit. Before I get to that, I am going to list off all the insidious, self-sabotaging reasons that cause entrepreneurs to give up on their dreams.
There are ten far too common reasons that entrepreneurs use to give up on good business ideas prematurely. Let’s look at them a little more closely and hold them up to the light for a proper examination.
Expecting Fast Results
Aristotle said: ‘Patience is bitter, but its fruits are sweet’. There is nothing of lasting, concrete value that has been created by an entrepreneur that didn’t require significant patience.
If you started out as an entrepreneur expecting overnight success, the only thing you need to give up is that expectation itself. Stick around. Play the long game.
Losing the Faith
They say that it is mandatory that a great salesperson believes in three things: The product they’re selling. The company that sells it and themselves.
They have to believe in their abilities as a salesperson to do the selling.
Being a salesperson is much easier than being an entrepreneur. When you start as an entrepreneur, you don’t have a product or a company to believe in. That only leaves you.
Every entrepreneur is figuring it out as they go. When we start, we don’t have much of an idea of what it is going to take – or the capabilities we need – so we develop them along the way.
Self-belief is your greatest asset. We aren’t talking about grandiose, overblown ideas of yourself and your abilities but a quiet acknowledgement that you have what it takes, the humility to know that you will stumble and fall but also that you can keep on keeping on. Everyone else who has succeeded before you felt it too, but they continued anyway. It’s the continuing that guarantees a big win. Keep the faith in your ideas and your talents.
Missing the wave
Entrepreneurship is all about dancing on the cutting edge.
Why is it that young people are so drawn to the entrepreneurial world? It’s simple: The cutting edge is where they grow up, they don’t know any other way to be.
Age is irrelevant if you want to be an entrepreneur; you have to stay future-focused. The most successful businesses capitalize on emerging trends. The most successful entrepreneurs are always looking at the pointy end of innovations. They utilize that edge to get an advantage in the marketplace. Like a surfer scanning the ocean to identify a wave, you too need to stay open to upcoming developments in your field so that you can catch the wave and ride it!
Never allow yourself to quit because you can’t keep up. The thing about being cutting edge is that you qualify yourself to be there just by going there.
Dwelling on mistakes
Got burnt by a partnership gone sour? A falling out with investors? A deal falling through?
Are you beating yourself up because you made a mistake or took a wrong turn?
Get over it!
If you don’t, your baggage will prevent you from succeeding in the future. Your backwards-looking fascination with “figuring out what went wrong” will scare you from trying again.
Entrepreneurship requires crazy levels of optimism, which means that you have to reframe your past mistakes into learning experiences. Regrets are simply the past crippling us in the present. It happened, and we can’t change the past, but we can learn from it.
You haven’t really “had a big learning experience” until you’ve incorporated your hard-won wisdom into a new plan of action, skill set or way of managing relationships. Your mistakes are the foundations of the learning curve on which your future success is built.
Fear of the future
Do you feel anxious about some future, imagined failure? Worried about how you will handle success? Anticipatory anxiety is the anxiety experienced when a person thinks about some event in the future. It takes the fear and allows it to invade in your perception of the future. It is worrying about things that haven’t happened, and may never happen. It’s the game of “What if?”
People give up because they’re anxious and afraid of things – both bad AND good – that might happen. They don’t feel prepared to face those things.
If you’re feeling anxious, you forget something crucial: It won’t be YOU who faces anything. It’ll be your future self. And the cool thing about your future self is that it’s wiser, more experienced and more resilient than you are now.
Change is a constant in life
The entrepreneur who expects the market to stay the same is in for a lot of disappointment!
Your customer’s wants and needs will change and evolve. Your team will do the same. Politics. Fashion. Economics. It is all continually shifting.
Some entrepreneurs give up because they’ve been left behind. The real issue was that they believed they were operating in a fixed, reliable world. By building a company that relies on an unchanging environment, they doomed themselves to failure, they even started.
Be flexible and nimble instead.
A Sense of Entitlement
The world does not owe you a living!
A sense of entitlement and the inevitable disappointment it brings is a disaster for business owners and in fact, for anyone!
When an entrepreneur puts vast amounts of time and energy into a lousy business idea, they sometimes develop a (false) belief that they’ve paid their dues.
They believe that now, the world owes them something.
Unfortunately, there are no prizes for hard work alone. Your pain and struggle mean nothing to the marketplace. Execution is everything, but only when you’re clear on how to create value.
Quitting because of bitterness or feeling victimized by the world is the easy way out. What’s harder is leaning in. Leaning in to figure out what it was about your efforts that failed to create value for others. Those who give up will never discover the answer.
Fearing Failure more than Desiring Success
This isn’t just a reason why many entrepreneurs give up. It’s a reason a ton of people with incredible potential never even begin in the first place. The fear of failure is listening to the lizard brain. Hide under this rock. Don’t poke your head out. Don’t risk what you’ve got, because the loss is a disaster.
Unfortunately, the human brain is wired to have a bias toward loss aversion. It’s been proven that everyone will work 10x harder to get back $1000 that was stolen from them, versus working to earn a fresh $1000 from scratch.
Think about that for a moment.
Fear of failure paralyzes entrepreneurs. It makes giving up feel like a relief. Business is inherently risky, and no entrepreneur succeeds by avoiding all the risks. They succeed because of their increase their resilience – their capacity for risk tolerance.
So you worked yourself to death or close to it. Now what?
Entrepreneurs who quit because of burnout have made an idiotic mistake: They’ve told themselves the fiction that what matters is the hours that they clock at their desk.
And yet, Bill Gates isn’t worth hundreds of thousands of multiples more than you BECAUSE he worked hundreds of thousands of times more hours than you did.
Of course, he clocked some long hours in the early days at Microsoft, but he also probably spent more time reading than you ever had.
Having to quit because you’ve overworked yourself is having to stop because you haven’t figured out how value is created not only for others but for yourself. You ARE your primary product. Don’t you think you need to do everything possible to ensure that you aren’t just working hard but working smart?
Long hours do not automatically equal success. All that happens is that you become a cog in your machine except that nobody is applying any grease and over time, you get more worn down, less able to cope, and you blunt your instruments.
It also has repercussions in your relationships, you need your family and friends, but they can’t be there for you if you are too busy burning the midnight oil to even notice them!
Take a holiday. Your brain and your body need to feel rested to perform at optimal levels. Come back refreshed and then get back in and figure it out. Don’t give up.
But My Problems are Unique.
Entrepreneurs derive a lot of self-satisfaction at the thought that their business is a brand-new, never-been-seen-before idea. This leads to the kind of thinking that says, for example, ‘Other people don’t understand our staffing issues, we’re a unique business’.
Cashflow obstacles. Legal obstacles. Delegation obstacles. Customer support. Marketing. Security. There are lots of obstacles.
Your product might be special and unique. Let’s hope so! But you’re not reinventing commerce. You’re not even reinventing leadership. Your obstacles are not uncommon.
Entrepreneurs who get lost in the belief of their company’s “specialness” don’t take advantage of the wealth of support and wisdom available within the entrepreneur community. They believe no one else understands.
Then, they give up because they hit some problem they see as unique and insurmountable… when actually, the answer was just a phone call away if they had the humility to dial the numbers.
What to Drop and What to Carry with You
The one thing entrepreneurs SHOULD give up on… is a negative and/or closed mindset.
That’s right. It’s dead weight. Drop it!
I outlined a simple framework to help you identify those times and modalities that are keeping you stuck and to help you understand that there is always room to manoeuvre, time to re-calibrate, ways to reach out.
The one thing you should never give up on is the game of entrepreneurship itself.
Carry that with you. It can be transported to different places, flourish in different environments. It is a pledge that you have made to yourself, to learn, to push the boundaries and to create value in the world. It is a remarkable undertaking because to do that you must create a vehicle, your business, for that value creation to become larger than yourself.
Ideas come and go. Every successful entrepreneur has seen plans fail. That’s all part of the journey. Keep that flame within you burning bright and allow it to light your way even when your monkey mind is casting shadows and doubt. Hold on to the promise that you made to yourself and your future when you accepted your mission to become an entrepreneur.
To aspire to be an entrepreneur is to be on the path of unlimited learning, growth, and potential.
To give up on entrepreneurship itself is to give up on that path of incredible value creation for yourself and your business.
Storms Don’t Last Forever.
When you feel like quitting, stop and think about the reasons why you started this journey. It might not always be easy, but it will be worth it. You are worth it. Your business is worth it.
Are you hiding? Is the real you in there somewhere? The you who has the right to be happy, create your lifestyle and build a business that suits your needs and lifestyle? Well, time for us to stop playing ‘hide and seek’ because, in this episode of Cynspiration, we are going to fast forward counting to ten and shout ‘Found you!’
Karena Thomas is here to share what it means to give yourself permission to strive for you that is happier and more at peace with yourself and the choices you make.
With self-deprecating Aussie humour and gusto, Karena explains that she started as an actor after studying at drama school. Karena liked to make people laugh. She loved the connections she made with her audience, but she hated the shallow and ultra-competitive nature of the industry, not to mention the drudge jobs that all jobbing actors end up doing to pay the bills.
Doing a complete 180-degree turn, Karena left her thespian roots behind to take up steady employment at a large organisation. Sure, she enjoyed the regular money and had great colleagues, but she hated the bureaucracy and rigid structure. She needed to find a way to gain skills and give herself the freedom to create a way of life that meant she wasn’t tied to a salary or way of working that didn’t fit her ideals.
En route, she also gained a whole lot of insight and perspective that has helped her re-frame her life, reconnect to her spirit and show you that you can too!
The Hamster Wheel of Life
Like many people, Karena has endured her share of failures, hurts and not feeling as though she was enough or that she had enough. It hurts to feel as though there is a deficit inside us and to try to avoid these feelings; many people get stuck on the “hamster wheel” of life. An endless cycle of work, responsibilities and obligations. Seldom do they pause to reflect about who they are or why they do what they do? The lack of deeper meaning or connection to their work and life roles causes them to shift into autopilot, living in a state of unconsciousness and stagnation.
Karena explains that we spend our time wanting to feel safe, and we take the actions that we think will give us what we want. So we stick with that job that we hate because it pays the bills and enables us to have an enjoyable holiday once a year. We will cling to that relationship that we know isn’t working because we are scared to be alone or our lives have become so entwined it will take a massive effort to separate. We will continue to put a brave face on hurtful actions by others because we want to feel accepted.
The common denominator in these scenarios is that they require us to hide our true feelings and needs in order to feel ‘safe’ and project the image that we are doing well.
Karena says ‘We have 24 hours in a day and you spend half of that time hoping that something doesn’t happen or wishing that something would happen. That stops you from being present’. It leads us to move from one decision to another doing anything we can to feel safe, but we forget ourselves and move further away from our real needs in the process.
Keeping it Real
We all think that we don’t have much to bring to the table. Women especially suffer from the habit of downplaying their skills and achievements because we feel that our soft power skills are not valued in the wider world. What we often don’t acknowledge is how much those skills contribute to making the world a better place or the bravery we demonstrate when we expose our weak spots and vulnerabilities to others.
Every relationship, whether personal or business, can be revitalised by re-engaging with authenticity, compassion, empathy and vulnerability.
When you remove your mask, you allow others to remove theirs too. You grant each other to occupy a space without judgment fully, and this has a remarkable knock-on effect in terms of relating better to each other. By showing that you have experienced or are experiencing difficulties but are/were prepared to accept the outcome no matter if unfavourable because ‘Hey, you’ve got this!’ is a tremendous confidence builder for you and others.
They will look at you, learn and feel empowered to make choices and decisions they were afraid to make. That is what leaders do; they give others the confidence tools and space to learn and step out into new experiences by modelling the behaviour themselves. You are of the highest service to those you love when you are happy and well and you reach this state by being authentic not only with others but with yourself.
The world wants you to be joyous. Everyone who cares about you wants you to succeed. Your thoughts are what is limiting you, so how do you go about doing this?
We have nearly all come across the phenomenon that is Marie Kondo, the Japanese decluttering expert whose mantra is ‘Spark Joy!’ through her books or her series on Netflix. Her process is simple; she goes into the houses of people who are overwhelmed by clutter and asks them to go through their items, holding each one and asking if it sparks joy.
If the answer is no, then the item is either thrown away or passed onto someone it might benefit. If the answer is yes, then you get to keep it! So what do YOU need to keep hold of or release?
Ask yourself, What would I do if I were not afraid? What would I change? Are there some risks I am prepared to take to make the changes I want? (the fear of rejection is ego-based and limiting.) Are you giving yourself time to express your innate joy by singing, dancing, drawing and being creative in some way?
Are you starting to rely more on your intuition and less on your mind to guide you? Are you ready to let go of patterns and relationships that no longer serve you? Are you caring for yourself with great love by choosing good food, taking gentle exercise, exposing yourself to uplifting music or books or meditation, getting enough sleep, etc.? Are you allowing your mind to escape the shackles of conditioning and ego so that you can live free of judgement and exercise some self-compassion?
Life is a Game So Play it Well.
Those who seek shall always find. No need to stand and count to ten while covering your eyes, no need to hide in dark corners waiting for someone to see you. You were there to be discovered all along!
There are many ways that we can live a better, kinder, more meaningful life and that in turn has ripples that will expand outwards to touch those around us who in turn can be inspired and change their thoughts and behaviours. Those little ripples that you think barely disturb the surface expand out to join the collective experience and can turn into a tidal wave of positive change, whether in our relationships, careers, businesses or creative endeavours.
Karena explains that it takes effort to live authentically and to remember, we are all works in progress. It can be difficult at first to let down those walls that you thought were protecting you. They were, in fact, only limiting you and your connections with others so use those experiences to be a beacon of light for others and never forget how powerful sharing can be.
Karena’s podcast ‘The Most Human Podcast’ shares brave stories from real people to help encourage us to live more freely and to shake off those feelings of heaviness or shame that weigh us down and stop us from moving forward. You are always an example to someone, somewhere and your story can always inspire someone, somewhere.
So, strive each day to live consciously. You will reap huge rewards and blessings as you watch the unfolding of your best life in every area.
“Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.” Buddha
The Magic of Not Giving a F*ck of What People Think
We’re all guilty. From the moment we wake up, we live our lives caring about what other people think of us.
We accept the status quo for what it is because everyone around us does. We tiptoe our way through life by doing things to please others.
Eventually, our actions, appearances, and lives become moulded by how we think other people perceive us. How are these pants going to make me look? What will my colleagues think if I spoke out? If I take this job, what will my friends and family think of me?
Reading that paragraph alone gave me a headache. It’s exhausting, and it has to stop.
Living a life that follows the notions of what other people think is a terrible way to live. It turns you into a spectator in your own life, who waits for other people to take action first. It turns you into a follower. Worst of all, it makes you become someone who doesn’t take a stand for anything.
Today is the last day we live a life dictated by others. Today, we’re going to get to the bottom of this people pleasing and the constraints it places upon your life. Today is the day we stop giving a [email protected]$%.
You often worry family or friends might not approve of something; people are talking about you.
No One Cares
Believe it or not, we’re not that special. We go through our days thinking about how other people might be judging us. But the truth is—those people are feeling the same thing. No one in today’s “smartphone-crazed” society has time in their schedule to think more than a brief second about us. The fact of the matter is, when we do have time get our thoughts straight, we’re too busy thinking about ourselves and our shortcomings—not others.
A study done by the National Science Foundation claims that people have, on average, 50,000 plus thoughts a day.
It means that even if someone thought about us ten times in one day, it’s only 0.02% of their overall daily thoughts. It is a sad but simple truth that the average person filters their world through their ego, meaning that they think of most things relating to “me” or “my.”
So unless you have done something that directly affects another person or their life, they are not going to spend much time thinking about you at all.
I’ve always enjoyed watching performers trying to hustle for some change at train stations. These guys don’t give a flying [email protected]$%.
But the more interesting observation I made is how the spectators react. Rather than watching the actual performers, most people are looking around to see how other people are reacting. If people were laughing, they would start laughing too. But if people weren’t paying attention, they would also pay no mind.
Even when provided with the blatantly obvious opportunity to judge someone, people are still thinking about how others may perceive them. Once you understand that this is how people’s minds work, it’s a big step towards freedom.
You Can’t Please Everyone.
It’s impossible to live up to everyone’s expectations. There will always be people—no matter what we say or how we treat them—that will judge us. Whether you’re at the gym, at work, taking the train, or even online playing Call of Duty. Even now it’s happening. You will never be able to stop people from judging you, but you can prevent it from affecting you.
Stop Being a People Pleaser
If you’ve always felt a compulsion to meet everyone else’s needs before your own.
Think about the worst thing that could happen when someone is judging you or what you’re doing. I guarantee that chances are—nothing will happen.
Nothing, no one is going to go out of their busy lives to confront us, or even react for that matter. Because as I mentioned before, no one cares. What will happen is that these people will learn to respect you for claiming your ground. They may disagree with you, but they’ll have to respect you and the stance you have taken.
Start standing up for what you believe in—causes, opinions, anything. You’re going to have people that disagree with you anyway, so why not express how you truly feel? I’ve learned that it’s better to be loved by the few people you care about than to be liked by everyone.
These are family, friends, your spouse—the people who love you for who you are, and the people who will be there for you during your worst times.
Focus on these people. They’re the only people that matter.
You Reap What You Sow
Worrying too much about what other people think can become a self-fulfilling prophecy because the way we think starts to become the way we behave.
These individuals become people-pleasers and are overly accommodating to others, thinking it will stop them from being judged. The opposite is true. Most people don’t like push-overs and are turned off by it. The behaviour we use in an attempt to please others can cause the opposing effect.
If you’re a push-over, then you’re going to be attracting push-overs, and vice versa.
This a dangerous path to go down if you don’t recognize its consequences.
When we start to attract and associate with the same people that share our weaknesses —we’re stuck. We stop growing because there’s no one to challenge us to be better.
We start thinking that this is the norm, and we remain comfortable.
Now, let’s talk about the cure. Here are five ways to stop giving a [email protected]$%.
Reclaiming Your Freedom
Know Your Values
First and foremost. Identify what to you in life, what do you truly value, and what are you ultimately aiming for?
Once you know who you are, and what matters to you, what other people think of you becomes significantly less important. When you know your values, you’ll have something to stand up for —something you believe in.
You’ll stop saying yes to everything. Instead, you’ll learn to say no when friends pressure you to go bar-hopping, or when a tempting business opportunity distracts you from your business. When you have your values straight, Everything else will straighten up too!
Put Yourself Out There
Now that you know what your values are, it’s time to put yourself out there.
Here are a few suggestions:
Wear a style or colour that you would never normally choose in a million years!
Flirting/Asking someone out
Keep in mind that when you’re doing any of these activities, you have to speak your mind. Start small if you have to and build up to new challenges until you feel comfortable but be ready to stand your ground with integrity and quiet strength if someone else questions your choices.
Surround Yourself with Pros
Surround yourself with self-assured people who live life without compromising their core values. Their habit will rub off on you quickly.
One of my best friends has been a significant influence on me. Having spent the summer with him, I’ve observed countless times where he voiced his opinion on controversial topics. What I learned was that he was voicing opinions that most people already had in their heads, but were too afraid to voice.
People admired him for being so honest and direct, even when they disagreed with his views. Thanks for not giving a [email protected]$%, buddy.
Create a “Growth List”
A Growth List compiles all the things in life that makes you uncomfortable. These are fears, insecurities—anything that gives you the jitters. Here’s how it works.
You start by writing them then one-by-one, you do them. Once you complete the task, you move on to the next.
Rinse and Repeat.
My first growth task was taking a cold shower. I turned the water as cold as it could get, and I could feel my body shake before I even entered the shower.
The inner voice in my head was talking. It was hard at first. But surprisingly, it got more comfortable the second time. Then even easier the third time. Before I knew it, my body stopped shaking—I was no longer uncomfortable; I’d conquered my fear.
This exercise works wonders. I have yet to find a better way to get out of my comfort zone. You can read all the books in the world about being confident or getting over your fears, but if you don’t take action, you’re just someone who’s read how to ride a bicycle without ever having ridden one.
If you’re looking for an ultimate transformation that combines all of the points above, you should travel alone. Travelling with other people can be fun, but you won’t get the opportunity to get out of your comfort zone truly.
You’ll be exposed to different social cultures, break social norms that you didn’t even know existed, and ultimately, be forced to burst out of your small bubble.
Bring as little as possible, and fit everything into one backpack or small suitcase.
Plan nothing, except for a one-way flight ticket to your destination—figure everything else out when you’re there.
Trust me; you’ll be just fine. It won’t be easy initially, but don’t get discouraged. Being comfortable with uncomfortable will grow with time. I continue to struggle with it every day, as do many others. But you need to get started today.
The world is already full of people who obey the status quo. But the people who don’t give a [email protected]$% are the ones that change the world.
Be one of those people.
Start living life the way you want, be fearless like you once were as a child, and always, always stand up for your truth.
Imagine. You woke up this morning and were hit with a lightning bolt of inspiration.
You have just had the most stupendous idea for a product. You know it is a winner. You believe in it. You just don’t know how the heck you are going to get it from concept to customer!
Well, wonder no more as I speak with Nicole Nagelgast, creator and owner of The Adventure Book, an exciting interactive book designed to be a travel journal, memory keeper and a whole lot of fun on the road. Nicole shares her insights into her journey as an entrepreneur, author and creator and how to make that idea become a reality.
Very early on, Nicole realised that she wanted to take the road less travelled and embrace an entrepreneurial lifestyle. As a teen, Nicole had run her own business with a shop on Etsy, and she enjoyed being her own boss.
After graduating, she started work as a freelance graphic designer but quickly discovered that her business was running her life. Constant client demands, long hours and lack of financial freedom led her to understand that she needed to work smarter not harder.
Nicole signed up to the SFM a program of digital education that would enable her to gain new skills, market a viable product and give her a passive income stream.
She loved being part of the SFM affiliate marketing program, and her creativity and passion were rewarded with an invitation to join the team. Finally, the tail was no longer wagging the dog in terms of feeling weighed down by the design business just as well because Nicole was about to have a brainwave.
Oh, The Places You’ll Go…
It was a globe-trotting friend who provided the inspiration for Nicole’s big idea. After looking around for a suitable birthday gift, Nicole hit upon the idea of a travel journal that would allow her friend to log global travel experiences.
She searched high and low for one, and realised that a book like that didn’t exist!
Understanding that there was a niche waiting to be filled, Nicole started logging her ideas whenever she had free time. If she would like a journal like that, surely others would too?
So began a voyage of discovery. Nicole explains how she got started with her business and highlights her key learning curves.
Share ideas and get feedback – If you try to do it all yourself, don’t share ideas or outsource, you are cheating yourself. You just keep yourself and your business small. You need a network that you can rely on.
Ask for help – Look around at what similar producers are doing. Approach people who have a foot in the market because they are a goldmine of ideas, contacts, suppliers and advice. Nicole was able to take advantage of Mastermind sessions with the SFM Import Expert service. Don’t be afraid to reach out.
Test out different suppliers – Nicole’s first sample book was produced in China. It was cheap, but it wasn’t the quality and looked that she wanted for herself or her customers. By coincidence, she found a different supplier who was not only closer but had excellent contacts, the quality she was looking for and a price point that she was happy with.
Don’t underprice yourself or your product – Sure, you want your product to be affordable but have you factored in all the costs? Packaging, storage, websites and all the other hidden extras that are required to get your product out to the market need to work into your price point.
Get your product out there – Take the time to research your distribution networks. Do their facilities and services match your needs? Can you do some of it yourself? Not only does this give you a good idea of the process and costs, but it strengthens your hand when it comes to negotiating. You know what is involved so you won’t get hit with unnecessary extras
Going to Market – Choose your marketing platforms wisely. Nicole almost exclusively uses Instagram. Travel, journalling and calligraphy have huge followings on IG and a ready-made audience for her product. Use videos, images and styles that feel native to the platform you are using. Nicole took advantage of her affiliate marketing know-how to create ad content – you can too. Educational programs and tools such as the SFMare available online to provide you and your business with support, advice and a community of like-minded entrepreneurs and experts.
Don’t stop evolving – Don’t fear failure. Find a way to differentiate yourself from the competition and, above all else, always listen to your customer. Encourage people to give honest feedback about your product or service; it’s a great way to fine-tune your product, service or approach.
Just do it! – Procrastination is the thief of time, and if you wait for perfection, you will wait forever. Start small and build up. If you get the mindset right, you are already halfway there. That translates into increased confidence, a digital business that you can be proud of and a product or service that people are happy with.
The World at Your Fingertips
Nicole says that inspiration is inside all of us. To sit passively and wait for a ‘Eureka!’ the moment isn’t good enough. We must create movement for ourselves. Get up and get out there! Read a book, look at a piece of art, listen to a story and see what flows into your mind. We are all capable of imagining new concepts, re-designing an item or creating new thoughts.
By opening ourselves up to new things, we have potentially millions of creative surges waiting to be acted upon.
Nicole used her inspiration impulse to create a travel journal that allows people to have the world at their fingertips each time they turn a page.
Now, what actions are you going to take to have the world at yours?
Are you ready to get out of your comfort zone? I did when I jumped out of a plane last weekend!
We are all guilty of taking the easy route, aka the comfort zone. Back when we were cave dwellers, this had some evolutionary purpose. It helped us to save energy and keep us alive but fast forward a few millennia, and it now keeps many entrepreneurial fringe dwellers stuck!
Everyday life can grind us down. We get into a rut with our work, our routines and our social circles. However, you don’t want that for yourself, right? You want more from your life and your business!
Change begins at the end of the comfort zone. Pushing our boundaries can help us inject new life into our relationships, challenge our skills and help keep our work fresh and relevant. To be truly creative in every area doesn’t mean that you have to stay in your lane.
Fear can keep us stuck, but when harnessed, fear can give you the strength, stamina and ability to do things you never thought you could! Can’t run a 4-minute mile?
Now try that with a hungry lion at your heels!
Fear of failure is the number one reason why people don’t push themselves but is there such thing as a total failure? You learn so much on the journey; you achieve milestone after milestone along the way, you approach things more creatively.
Remember that there are many people out there who are no more intelligent than you, no more talented than you, and every bit as scared as you, who are successfully doing the things that you are avoiding! Every. Single. Day.
In this 3rd personal coaching session, I am going to explore the psychology of the comfort zone and lead you safely through the fear zone to the learning zone and finally to the growth zone. Together, we can learn how to avoid those self-imposed booby traps and eliminate all those concerns that ambush you and stop you from being all you can be.
The path of least resistance is the path of least existence!
Welcome to the second in the Cynspiration personal coaching series.
This week we are going to talk about Influence and how it can help you take your public profile and business to new heights.
We are all exposed to social media stars and influencers every day. We follow their advice, make purchases and choose services based upon their recommendations because we trust them, and so do others.
Influencer marketing has become one of the biggest priorities for many businesses because it is a proven and successful way to reach out and connect with potential clients and customers. It works!Influencers can gain leverage and build a business by creating bonds with their communities and adding their unique and authentic voices to their content.
So how do you go about creating a successful online platform and develop a role as an influencer?
As social media consumers, what we see and hear is the glossy, finished product, whether it be a blog, tweet, podcast or IG post. But, behind the persuasive and omnipresent influencer presence and message is a persistent, consistent and creative effort that requires a strategy to maximise exposure, content, visibility, trust and credibility.
Cynthia shares her advice on how to build a rapport with your audience, use social media platforms effectively and become an expert and trusted voice.
Understand why your voice can be persuasive, why sharing your own experiences can build trust, and why transparency is key. Learn to develop your expertise so that you can be an authoritative, unique voice talking about your niche within your brand. Your brand is your reputation and your good name.
Your content is your expertise. People will only follow you if they feel that you are authentic and that you align with your brand values and image. Cynthia shares her pointers to develop trust and showcase your expertise by building on your strengths and honing your skills further.
Stay Inspired and Inspiring
Being an influencer is part of a long game, so creating authentic and engaging posts takes effort. Discover how to keep your audience hooked on your content by keeping it meaningful, targeted and valuable. Learn how to use resources and content from others to add value to your message. Curated content can help you tap into broader trends within your niche and mining your comments sections for ideas really can turn up gold!
Time moves fast and so do trends and business, so you need to be on top of your game. Educate yourself, read around your topics, look at what others are doing. Discover the steps you need to take to create a buzz around your brand.
Learn how to identify which platforms are best suited for your target audience. Don’t be afraid to use analytics to identify where your posts are doing well; learn how to utilise them to maximise your visibility. Discover how to maximise opportunities with niche hashtags, guest posting and multi-platform brand familiarity can help you lift your name and your game head and shoulders above the competition.
Consistency is essential when building a following. Cynthia explains why having a system in place is vital for success and will help you stay on schedule consistently.
From creating and managing a content calendar to building a library of media and setting aside time to research all the content you plan to publish for the next few months. These things keep your mind fresh and posting high-quality content regularly builds a sense of anticipation in your audience.
Remember that every follower out there is a person with a busy life who is giving YOU the privilege of a few minutes of their time.
They deserve respect, and that means giving back in terms of quality feeds, responding to comments, and maintaining a high level of engagement to develop and maintain a loyal following and fostering a community.
People love to be treated as individuals and to feel connected.
There are many ways to do this by encouraging audience participation through polls, discussions, giveaways, live sessions, shout outs and guest collaborations. Other influencers are a great resource too, so it pays to build a trusted network for mutual support and of course, to access other fan bases!
You are your brand, and it is vital that you stay true to the values that you espouse. Remember that trust takes a long time to build up and can be lost in a moment.
So be discerning when it comes to who you collaborate with, compromising the quality of your content if you find that you can’t deliver on a proposed date, being tempted to piggyback off what others are doing or trading away your hard earned influencing capital for a quick buck to push products that don’t reflect your brand, service or expertise. Your word is your bond.
If you haven’t started influencing yet, then you are lagging behind so let Cynspiration influence you to become an influencer.
Be yourself, be proud of it and encourage people to follow you because they want to hear your voice.
Social media influencers are more important to the world of digital marketing than ever before, and this certainly won’t be slowing down any time soon. It’s the perfect time to start your journey as a social media influencer, so go on.. what are you waiting for?!
RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:
BuzzSumo – is a tool that analyses what content performs best for any topic or competitor and finds the key influencers to promote your content.
Reddit – gives you the best of the internet in one place. Get constantly updating feed of breaking news, fun stories, pics, memes, and videos just for you.
SEM Rush – offers solutions for SEO, PPC, content, social media and competitive research.
Hootsuite – is a social media management platform.
Hashtagify – find the top hashtags for Twitter and Instagram for Free. Search hashtags relations and influencers and maximise your social media strategy.
Asana – Helps you organise and plan workflows, projects, and more, so you can keep your team’s work on schedule
BlogTalk Radio – a web-based platform that allows podcasters and radio sites and talk show hosts to create live and on-demand talk format content for distribution on the web and podcast distribution channels.
‘Successful people are not standing on a mountain of successes, they are standing on a mountain of their failures’, so says this week’s guest, Britney AuClair.
Our society celebrates the successful and lauds them publicly but what is the story behind those apparently easily won laurels worn so casually upon their heads? How did they get there? What were their struggles?
Too often we only see the end product and measure ourselves by notions of ‘instant’ success and it can paralyse us. How do we move, like Alice in Wonderland, ‘through the looking glass’ and find ourselves in a different reality, one that gives us the right mindset to learn from and accept our failures not as a false step, but as the starting point on an ever-evolving journey towards the greatest prize of all – success by our own standards and unparalleled personal growth
A little bit about Britney…
Britney loves her career as the owner of a digital marketing business serving the needs of local businesses by managing their social media, reputation and review management but she started out in a very different place.
Growing up, Britney had to deal with the reality of substance abuse around her, family tragedy and feeling isolated. Fast forward a few years and Britney had a baby and a partner struggling with his own demons.
She was trying to figure out how to move forward in a way that could offer her emotional and financial independence and joined an affiliate marketing programme but quickly realised that it wasn’t working for her. Having spent time and money, and understanding she was not on the right path led Britney to feeling held back and filled with self-doubt.
She knew she had to take action and push past the mindset barriers to be able to define life and success on her own terms.
No experience is ever wasted
The path to success is never linear and is littered along the way with innumerable failures. Despite having invested heavily in both her personal life and entrepreneurial projects Britney came to understand that each time she failed, she gained.
Her breakthrough came when she realised that failure is just a perception. She had acquired digital tools and know-how, pushed herself to take risks, found a group of cheerleaders to support her on her journey and become a different, stronger and more empowered person along the way. There is no right way or wrong way.
Failure forces people to become more creative, to think up ingenious solutions to problems, to reach out, to build emotional resilience, to take risks and to move forward through the pain. It isn’t how many times you fall down but how often you get back up! We must learn how to learn.
Learning how to roll with the punches
People may reject your ideas or your services for any number of reasons but this is not a reflection of you. It is very easy to internalise the negative. It takes guts to put yourself and your ideas out there and it can feel incredibly personal if our business ideas are not warmly received or do not translate into the results we hoped for.
Failure can be embarrassing, disappointing and downright painful but it is also necessary for growth, innovation, maturity and discernment. Learning demands failure, progress demands failure but those bumps and bruises can hurt.
Britney shares her four-step process for dealing with failure and overcoming it:
Allow yourself to feel the pain
It is normal to feel a little crestfallen if things don’t pan out how we hoped. Acknowledge these feelings but keep them in perspective. Think about the process that led to this outcome and identify where and how you might have done things differently and why you are feeling this way.
Who can I share this with?
Now is the time to find your cheerleaders and rant! Get it off your chest and unload. It can be incredibly cathartic to have a friend, family member or colleague who can listen without judgement and yet can hold you to account. Perhaps they have something to share about their own failures that may be useful? Learn from those that survived and remember that a problem shared is a problem halved.
Be willing to ask for help
This can be a very difficult thing to do especially for guys who have been taught not to show any signs of ‘weakness’ and for women who think they must be multi-tasking goddesses in perfect control of their lives at all times. Sometimes it can be as simple as delegating household chores or buying in services or it could be asking someone within the digital community to share a skill with you or teach you a hack. If you don’t ask, you don’t get!
How can I move forward?
Take a step back and see if, perhaps this failure was designed to get your attention, to stop you going too far the wrong way.
Give yourself a little space from an initial setback, allow your emotions to cool, and let your rational side regain control. Then, you can look at your situation with new eyes and determine how to proceed. – Do I need to do something differently? Do I need to grab some advice? Do I need to acquire new skills? Do I need to change course? Is this course of action going to take me closer to where I want to be?
Britney continues to use these four steps to guide her in her digital business growth and her personal decision making and now sees ‘failure’ as a way to get excited about the opportunity to innovate and transform.
The gift of failure includes building the fortitude to never say die, the humility to learn, change course and get onto our truer path. Every success story is littered with failures that acted as signposts to a better way of living, doing and being.
It is inevitable that you will fall down the rabbit hole just like Alice in Wonderland and find yourself in a different than expected reality but give yourself the credit and recognition you deserve because just by trying, you have accomplished more than most people ever will!
The last word this week goes to one of the greatest athletes who ever lived, the basketball player, Michael Jordan.
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
So, you have branched out into the world of online entrepreneurship but do you now feel that you are out on a limb? Cynspiration is here to tell you that you are not alone.
This week, Cynthia shares her reflections and offers a coaching session on the challenging and sometimes lonely path of the online entrepreneur.
The actions that you can take to improve your mental, physical and networking capabilities. How to make being a solo act the best performance of your life!
While the sense of liberty and autonomy involved in setting up and growing your own business is exhilarating, the amount of time, energy and effort required can push you into feeling as though you are operating within a bubble.
This can leave you feeling disconnected from yourself, from others and your business. The risk of burn-out is very high in new and digital business owners.
You have much more leverage than you think to improve your entrepreneurial experience by bringing back the balance in your life. A little bit of planning and self-care can go a long way to bringing back the sense of excitement and energy that you started with!
Using examples from her journey as an online entrepreneur, Cynthia will guide you through some of the most common challenges facing every solopreneur.
Cynthia Shares her Strategies to:
Nurture your mental and physical health for optimal performance.
Realise the importance of recognising your achievements and rewarding yourself Make time for face time to keep your communication skills sharp and your social health in check.
Maintain a balance between your daily life and your entrepreneurial life.
Recognise the value of a planned distraction and how vital taking a time out is.
Build and strengthen connections with supportive individuals and organisations online and off.
Reconnect to your inner passion and rediscover your mission purpose.
Return to your business feeling recharged and ready to rumble!
Remote working does not equal remote living. If, in the words of the song ‘One is the loneliest number’ then Cynspiration will help you to develop the inner and outer resources that you need to ensure that One can be Fun!
Building a business requires resilience, grit and most of all, a support network. In this third episode of Cynspiration, I talk to Cordelia Kate, founder of the The Rebellious Business Coach, a fellow entrepreneur whom I’ve known for over a year.
Cordelia used to work as a nurse, spending many hours at work to sustain her family. But she soon realised that she needed to spend more time with her three children, and so looked for ways to make an income online. After going through a few video courses, she learnt the basics of drop-shipping and was fulfilling packages to sell and deliver. She admits she didn’t really know what she was doing, and so soon decided to close the business.
She decided to start again but with the right skills this time. She enrolled a Digital Online Course and learnt all she about marketing, writing and digital products and is in the process of starting her own coaching business, empowering mothers to manage their businesses.
She now works full time from home and gets to spend all the time she needs with her children. By doing this, she’s also showing her children that she is in charge of her career and that being a mum does not mean having to sacrifice a career, passions or dreams.
Empowering Women to Own their Career
Society generally expects women to sacrifice their job to have children. But as Cordelia mentions, women were put on this planet to live, not only to breed. Cordelia witnessed her mother sacrificing her career and regretting it later on, so she was adamant not to let the same happen to her.
The new generation of women are putting the responsibility on their shoulders and are owning their lives.
We don’t need to be dividing the world between bosses and ‘girl bosses’ or ‘mumpreneurs’. Female or male, we can all be bosses, entrepreneurs and business owners.
Cordelia explains that we need to support women to believe in themselves and harness their essence and skills.
Don’t Quit your Job Immediately
A business is built one baby step at a time. Leaving your job to start a business can be a harmful thing to do for your project because you’ll be building your business from a place of scarcity and negative energy. Stress and anxiety can also cause you to lose faith and give up on your dream.
Instead, Cordelia recommends having the right resources in place before getting started. A slow transition is much better; keep your job and use the extra hours you have to start building your business. She also explains that the fewer hours you have, the more productive you’ll be. Once you have the money flowing and the right foundations, then you can quit your job.
Cordelia’s Schedule as a Single Mum and Entrepreneur
Cordelia lives and works from home with three children, so she’s had to learn how to set boundaries to focus on her work and children effectively.
One of her tips is to block out times for each activity on her calendar (including lunch!). This allows her to focus on each task with no distractions.
Another tip is to involve the kids from time to time. This means she includes them in her Youtube videos, which in turn helps her produce content!
She also recommends having a space to call your own, someplace to shut away from housework, children and the rest. Make it a pleasant environment with a lock on the door to allow you to focus.
Through her active planning and boundaries, she’s showing her children that she is working hard to achieve her dreams.
They might not understand this now, but she knows that when they grow up and look back, they will be inspired and apply it to their own lives.
In this second episode of Cynspiration, I talk to Patrizio Pezzutto, founder of – Coaching.ly- and a fellow frindge dweller friend of mine.
As a man who has built his marketing and communication business and a growing and successful consulting business, Patrizio has faced a few challenges along the road.
After realising his full-time job did not fulfil him anymore, he looked for purpose and passion
He joined with an online education program and affiliate marketing which allowed him to understand the foundations of online business and marketing. He then realised he also wanted to give teach and provide value to other entrepreneurs, and to inspire them to take action and grow their businesses. So he founded Get High-Quality Coaching Clients.
The creation of his businesses challenged him to get over his insecurities, to face his fears and not let doubt impede him from moving forward.
Through effort, trial, errors and patience, he has found the confidence to gear his Digital Business in a new direction and therefore to rely much more on his intuition.
In this episode we chat about:
Why it’s essential to build a brand around your passion in order to enjoy
How Patrizio realised that he wanted to give a voice to women and why
What it’s like to find your purpose
The power of fear and how to prevent it from living your dreams
You don’t need to be perfect not achieve success.
What piece of advice would you give to people who want to become entrepreneurs?
What would you say are the top three skills needed to be a successful entrepreneur?
What entrepreneurial tricks have you discovered to keep you focused and productive in your day-to-day busy schedule?
What key activities would you recommend entrepreneurs to invest their time in?
It’s especially hard when we fall trap to the saboteurs in our head that make us doubt our very own skills and passions. In this first episode of Cynspiration, I talk to Sietske, founder of the Own It magazine, and a fellow workshop friend of mine.
As a woman who has built her marketing and communication business and an inspiring and successful magazine for women, Sietske has been through some hardships of her own. After realising her marketing company did not fulfil her anymore, she looked for more creative ways to express herself.
It started with her very own magazine, detailing her journey and experiences. She then realised she also wanted to give a voice to other women, to inspire them to take action and share their thoughts. And so she founded Own It Magazine.
Through the creation of these magazines, she had to learn to get over her insecurities (her ‘saboteurs’), to face her fears and not let doubt impede her from moving forward. She sat down, wrote down the complete opposite of what her saboteurs were telling her and took power back.
Through effort, resilience and patience, she has found the confidence to gear her magazine in a new direction and therefore to rely much more on her intuition.
In this episode we chat about:
Why it’s essential to build a brand around you and your values
How Sietske realised that she wanted to give a voice to women and why
How she created her magazine and how it encourages women and helps them find a direction
What it’s like to rebuild a project from scratch
How to control the saboteurs and not let them prevent you from living your dreams
Sietske’s new plans for the future
How do you prefer to express yourself? By writing? Through photography? By helping others?
How many times have you screwed up because you did not trust yourself?
Have you ever heard the saboteurs in your mind that make you more insecure? What do you do to fight them?
Have you ever felt the need to prove yourself to someone? Why?
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