#28 – HOW TO SAY NO + 10 THINGS TO SAY NO TO NOW

Hello Hive, let’s get another meaningful Monday up and away!  

Are you ready to start reclaiming your time? YES!  

Are you ready to improve your mental wellbeing? YES! 

Want more time to work on your passion project? OF COURSE!

Sounds great, right? 

But what if I tell you that to do this you have to learn to say ‘NO!’…… Hmmm!

“Successful people say no to almost everything.” ~ Warren Buffet

The Disease To Please

 

Why do we struggle so much to say no even when we know that not doing so is detrimental to us in some way? It is a common affliction but especially prevalent amongst women.

Little girls are ‘Sugar and spice and all things nice’ and to be acknowledged as a ‘good girl’ usually has meant sublimating our wants and needs to please and caretake others. People-pleasing is rooted in fear and is focussed on earning approval and love.

Denying your true feelings due to fear of the response is draining and places a massive strain on your time, energy and emotional wellbeing. We want others to like us and accept us; we want to show up for them, meet their expectations, and please them.

However, this can change into an unhealthy lack of boundaries, a blurring of what is reasonable and manageable and contribute to a negative cycle of low self-esteem, loneliness and feelings of failure, So what is the cure?

“It’s only by saying “no” that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.” ~ Steve Jobs

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. – Find Out What It Means To Me

 

Aretha Franklin sang it loud and proud; now, it is your turn! Listen in to these bookmarked play points. Your strategy for saying ‘Yes’ to yourself, embracing your power and respecting and being respected by others starts here!

  • The Sky Won’t Fall Down (05:33)
  • Say What You Mean And Mean What You Say (05:54)
  • The Universe Will Not Punish You For Having Boundaries (05:58)
  • Get Clear On Who You Are And What You Want (06:29)
  • What Is Your Motivation? (07:13)
  • Get Ready For Resistance (07:39)
  • Walk Your Talk (08:09)
  • You’ve Got The Power (09:05)
  • The 10 Things You Need to Say No to Right Now! (09:59)

“Our first and last love is self-love” ~ Christian Nestell Bovee

Start Being Your Own Best Friend

 

Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish. You are none of those things. Anybody who gets upset and/or expects you to say yes all of the time doesn’t have your best interests at heart. You have a right to say NO without having to explain yourself.

You have the right to have your wishes and time respected. Taking care of your own needs is no less selfish than taking care of others, YOU are a somebody too!

Words Of Wisdom – Quotes To Reflect Upon

‘You will always have a hard time saying no as long as you care more about how you are perceived outweighs how much you care about yourself.’

‘You become useful..but you don’t realise until too late that the exploitative joke is on you.’

‘Before you can master the art of saying ‘No’, you have to clearly define what it is you are saying ‘Yes’ to by saying and acting on ‘No’.’

‘Emotional Political Correctness is Boring AF!’

‘Everything sold cheaply is boring because there is already an abundance of it! Know your worth!’

‘Anything that costs you your peace is too expensive.’

Themes In This Podcast

 

Self-Respect

Boundaries

Self-Worth

People Pleasing

Giving Too Much

Negative Feelings

Taking Control

 

Connect with Cynthia

 

#15 –  Being vs Doing: The Dilemma of Chasing Your Dreams – with Dan Holloway

We Live in a Goal-Oriented Society. 

 

Finish one race? Someone asks “When is your next one?” Have a good project launch? The media is already asking “What’s next for you?”

While consistently chasing higher goals is the way we grow, it can also lead to burnout and overwhelm. Eventually, we will hit a point where you’ll get tired of “chasing the higher income” goal or “hit the next fitness: milestone.

What do you do then?

Dan Holloway reached the point where he was tired of chasing the goal. After struggling and sacrificing, his business had become a success. He was making money he always wanted and living the life he could only dream about.

Yet, he wasn’t fulfilled. He wasn’t happy.

Fixing the Story: What Happens After the “Success Story”

 

A lot of us would like to have the problem Dan had. Sure, we’d all like to have the problem of having a big bank account, travelling around the world, and own a multi-figure business. We’d like to get the media attention, fame, and all the opportunities that come with it.

But, as Dan Holloway, no one is after that success story. No one is after that business hit that income goal or the magazine articles find the next “hot entrepreneur” to write about.

No one is there when we reach the peak.

We tell ourselves that things will get better once we reach “after”. No one is there to tell us what to do once we reach a goal, yet the way we deal with one success is critical to the future.

 

Reframing the Story: The Cinderella Story Behind Success

 

There is a story that is painted about success. You might call it the “Cinderella Success Syndrome”. In that story, everything is permanently beautiful “after” the sacrifice.

Once we land that big-name client, things will be easy. Once we get that promotion, it will be easier to get the money. Once we get more sales, we won’t have to fight as hard.

These stories we tell ourselves are what drive us to work late nights and early mornings, to stay on the job when no one else is there.

The truth is, success is not a destination. It is a stopping point in our journey.

Throughout your life, you will have experiences that you (or others) call “success” or “failures.” These are moments, they are not destinations.

Yet, our brains hold onto these moments as “destinations”.

When these “destinations” are gone, we have to deal with the next moment.

 

Unravelling the “Perfect’ Success Story: Why Success Isn’t What We Think It is

 

In the chase of success as a “destination”, we lose sight of the fact that success is a moment we prepare for. We aren’t given success, we become successful. We earn it. We become it.

This is why most lottery winners go broke in less than 7 years. They don’t develop the management skills to manage that massive windfall of cash. It’s also why most one-hit-wonder unicorn startups have trouble inventing their next big product.

Why is that so important?

The stories we believe about success impact what we do with it. If we think success is just a “moment”, we will miss the point. We won’t appreciate the journey getting to the successful moment. We won’t focus on the big “WHY”. We won’t become a success.

Ignoring the journey or our “big WHY” is a recipe for burnout. If we don’t pursue success as a journey, we will treat it as a sprint, exhausting our body and mind to get to the finish line. If we don’t understand our “big WHY” we will wonder why we are working so hard in the first place.

 

A Better Approach: Chase Fulfillment You Will Create Success No Matter What

 

So what’s the takeaway here? It’s not to reject success or the gifts it brings, but to recognize a deeper meaning behind success. Instead of focusing exclusively on the momentary feeling of success, we should also focus on the process of becoming. We should take time to focus on why we are doing what we are doing.

Our focus should be on fulfilment, on doing things that move us closer to our life’s goals.

Understand that no matter what success you are chasing, you are telling yourself about that story. If that story is only focused on the moment, you will not be fulfilled when the moment is gone. If that story is focused on the journey, you can feel accomplished while you’re chasing the moment of success.

The key lies in fulfilment

 

So, What the Heck is this “Fulfilment” Thing? How Does it Work

 

Fulfilment, in terms of success, is focusing on what you want, why you want it, and what you will do to get it. Instead of blindly chasing a vague goal of “getting more money” or a higher-sounding title, it’s taking the time to sit down and figure out precisely what you want and why.

Once you have that specific goal and why choose your “how”. Selecting a “how” is essential because you are given the flexibility to change your “how” if needed. For example, if you need to 10 sales calls each day to reach your sales goals, but realize that you’re not getting any response, you might consider changing your strategy.

Regardless of what your goal is why you’re doing it or how you plan on reaching it, fulfilment is a more powerful tool than success because of the work.

In the process of choosing (and adapting) your why, how, and what, you are growing. In the process of making those sales calls, you are learning. In the process of hearing those “No’s”, you’ll get closer to figuring out who will say “Yes ” in the future. In the process of working out, your body learns how to grow muscle.

That is what you are looking for, growing while pursuing success.

By focusing on that growth, no matter what goal you hit (or don’t hit), you will be a stronger person than you were before you started.

Connect with Dan

Connect with Cynspiration

 

 

 

 

 

#5 – Before Anything, Mindset with Gavin MacLean

Why mindset?

 

Without a growth mindset, you can feel stuck. You fall into self-doubt. You give up.

With a mindset that encourages self-improvement and growth, you’ll always be able to find a solution. In this fifth episode of Cynspiration, I talk to Gavin Maclin, a teacher and successful online business owner who’s also part of the entrepreneur community.

 

Gavin loves his job

 

Contrary to some other entrepreneurs who start online businesses, Gavin loves his job. He’s a teacher and works at a school with young children. The only challenge is that his job used to take a lot of his time, making him regularly work on weekends.

 

He was fulfilled working at the school, but he couldn’t spend more quality time with his friends and family. He felt stuck. He was going to leave it at that and accept it, but then there was a spark. He knew he had to change his mindset, and that he’d find a solution. All it would take is to start small.

 

How the mindset changed his life

Before even working on his business, Gavin understood the importance of having the right mindset. He played a lot of sports when he was younger, which meant he understood the importance of a growth mindset for his business to succeed. He started building an affiliate business from scratch, with no previous knowledge of digital businesses.

 

He followed a course, and every day took small steps. Three years later he’s running a successful business, hosts webinars and coaches other business owners.

He worked on his mindset by making sure he had an immediate circle of friends who were supportive and urged him on. He also consumed audio books and worked on understanding his strengths and weaknesses, which in turn would make more of an impact on himself, his students and his business.

 

The importance of being calm

 

Gavin accepts that he will fail, that he will get stressed, that things won’t always go the way he wants them to. But he trains his mind to be calm; he’s learnt to control his ‘pendulum’ and make sure it stays still, instead of swinging from one side to another. Remaining calm has changed his life and allowed him to be more self-aware.

Gavin also attributes being calm to knowing how to self-talk and understanding that sometimes there is simply nothing you can do. On the episode itself, Gavin shares how he was slightly nervous and worried this interview wouldn’t be as great as the first one – but just by saying this out loud, he notes how this calms and reassures him. Sharing your thoughts is the key to keeping calm.

 

The five mindset truths

 

Gavin’s five truths to being successful are the following:

 

1. Consistency

Without consistency, your business loses momentum. Instead of working 7 hours every Saturday and Sunday, do one hour a day. Take small steps.

 

2. Have fun

Gavin tells us he would have gone crazy without some fun while managing his business. It is essential to keep your energy going.

 

3. Calmness

As he mentions before, he knows he’s at his best in a moment of peace, and can, therefore, approach decisions more rationally. Being calm allows him to be more in control of his emotions and actions.

 

4. Self-awareness

 

Gavin was aware that he was working too hard and would soon crash and burn. By being mindful, he understood that he needed to take a step back, assess the situation and fix it.

 

5. Community

 

You are the average of the five people surrounding you. By making sure to have a community that continually supports you, and that has a positive impact on your life, you can’t go wrong.

Resources:

 

How To Solve The Jigsaw Puzzle Of Your Life.

Imagine your life is a jigsaw puzzle

It may be a simple one or an elaborate thousand- piece jigsaw puzzle. Either way, as you work through this jigsaw puzzle of life, chances are that you’re going try to force the parts to fit together in odd ways.

They look like they have the right shape, but as you carry on, you realise that they’re not aligned. So what do you have to do? You start again and reassemble those pieces the proper way.

Look at your life

You might think it’s going smoothly. Your family looks happy. You seem to progress in your job.

Then one day, you’re made redundant, betrayed by the boss you trusted and relied upon to help further your career.

This situation blindsides you. Your perfect world suddenly collapses. Or maybe you’ve planned a six months trip around the world with your fiance — tickets and accommodations booked — and she/he breaks up with you one week before departure.

You beat yourself up about it thinking, “How could I have made such a terrible mistake?”

The answer is this

 You are a jigsaw puzzle assembled the wrong way. However, the wrong way is often the right path. It’s a blessing to be “wrong”.

It hurts, but to your advantage it allows you to uncover the truth. This type of information is worth a king’s ransom.

You may have to rearrange a few puzzle pieces, or it may be an entire part. Mistakes are gifts whatever the size of the challenge.

Being wrong is an eye-opener; it uncovers the truth and allows change to come.

Change fuels growth and evolution

Don’t ever be scared to trust someone, build a business or fall madly in love.

There is no right or wrong there is just an opportunity to reassemble the pieces of your puzzle, change their position, put them in a new section and learn how to connect the pieces at precisely the perfect points.

When you do so, you’ll start seeing the big picture.

Assemble YOUR life just as you would a jigsaw puzzle.

Bit by bit. Section by section. You may get impatient at times, or discouraged, or feel as though you’d instead stop.

What you have to remember is that the pieces are all there. When you try different ways to place them where they belong you discover more connections.

Soon you begin to visualise and perceive images as they come together to form the overall vision of your life.

Do you have a goal, a dream?

What does your jigsaw puzzle look like? Are the pieces falling into place, or are you forcing them to fit where they don’t belong? If the image is incomplete, keep trying; the answers are all inside of you.

And at this very moment, an unexpected picture is revealing itself to you one “gift” and one “piece” at a time.

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